Saying the Wrong thing at the Wrong Time

Tonight in the shower it hit me!!! Earlier in the day, I complained about the drunken college students who woke me up at 3am to my friend’s mom who is taking care of her daughter.. who just had a double mastectomy! When it hit me that I had said such a selfish thing when she is sitting in front of her daughter that now has no breasts, I thought to myself, “oh no.. she must think I’m so selfish and how could I have DONE a thing like that? Oh my gosh, how DID that happen? I’m usually so sensitive!”

I’m mortified. I feel sick that I could be so insensitive. I feel like I should do something special for her because SHE is the hero. And to top it off? She got on the phone with me to help ME!!! My mom told her today about my son’s issues and that we’re now deciding about where to put him in school next year due to the Sensory Integration Issues, and she offered to help! And again, she is taking care of her daughter who just got out of the hospital!

I reviewed how the conversation started, and how it got to that point, where I was being selfish and not asking about her and about my friend and whether there was anything I could do to help. I realized that my mom called me in an excited tone and was thrilled that my friend’s mom had some inside contacts at some of the area schools because of her lifelong career as a substitute teacher. She got on the phone with me and discussed some of the options that the county may offer us and offered to look into it for us. I threw out a “hello” to my friend who is lying in bed all bandaged up and said I’d visit soon. When her mom got on the phone, I told her I was coming down with a cold and only had 3 hours of sleep last night due to some drunken kids across the street that find it amusing to have parties at 2 and 3am. She said that she didn’t want anyone over that wasn’t 100% healthy and I agreed. Somehow, I threw in that statement about the drunk kids. Her response was, “well, everyone has something”. I agreed. I often say that to people who are complaining and there is nothing I can do about it. There was basically no point in me even saying it, except it has been on my mind today because I’m convinced I’m coming down with a cold due to the lack of sleep on top of my already stressful week!

She handled me well. We agreed to speak later and I told her that I’d visit her daughter when I got better. I’m sure she is too busy to even give it a second thought but then again, maybe she did think about it!

How many times have we looked at others and thought, “well that wasn’t that appropriate!” or, “couldn’t you have thought of SOMETHING better to say?” There are plenty of times of course! I recently thought that about a relative who recently offended me with her tirade of opinions about my life. She later called and apologized and defended her actions by saying she was on very little sleep and was completely stressed. She did realize that her opinions where not being supportive of me and she apologized. I accepted her apologies and now have experienced the same “open mouth – insert foot” syndrome!

I think I’m going to call my relative who offended me and tell her it was big of her to apologize and that I too, had possibly offended someone with my callousness. I was ALSO on little sleep and just plain didn’t have all of my brains working upstairs.

I decided that I should look at whether the offense is a regular occurrence or an isolated incident. Then, determine whether or not the offender just had an off day, or whether the person had malicious intent. If it was an isolated incident, then the offender should be forgiven and it should be forgotten.

I’m guessing that my friend’s mom has already forgiven or possibly didn’t even notice my indiscretion. And, now, I own a certain someone a call… just to catch up. But this time I’ll make sure that we’ve both had enough sleep before we talk!