Today was a great day. Today I saw a young woman take a giant step in her life and move toward her purpose in life. It brought tears to her eyes and she GOT it. She clearly grasps her purpose for her life. It was the huge “Ahh-HA” that she needed to get unstuck in her life and now it’s going to take action on her part to move towards that purpose.
This beautiful young woman is 28, is single, has two boys 8 & 10 and works full time. Her ex isn’t in her life and one of her boys has developmental delays. Since she had babies so young she never finished school but has worked ever since she had the kids. She’s smart, kind and a devoted mom. She’s respected at work and has a great support network of friends.
Lindsay is the type of women that men really like. She’s gorgeous, intelligent, warm and witty and very kind hearted. But Lindsay confided to me today that she often breaks off relationships when the men disappoint her in some way. She’s aware that her own insecurities and jealousies have made her push great guys away from her and she’s conscious that she might be close to doing that to her current boyfriend. He’s loving and devoted and she admitted that she is falling in love with him.
Our coaching session started out with her wanting to know how to handle her boyfriend and what to do about their future. I explained to her that if it’s been a pattern in her life then it’s more important to look at her and to build her own foundation than to focus on the externals with relationships that may or may not work. I explained to her that if she continues on the same path without changing anything, then she’ll get the same results.
I cut right to the core. I asked her “what about YOU?” What is it that YOU want? What is it that YOU have the desire to do? I explained to her that as she built her relationship with God, with herself, built her intelligence, got credentials, (physical, spiritual, and mental and emotional), then her standards would automatically rise. I explained to her that the more she grew herself, more appealing she’d become to herself that she would tolerate less bad behavior from others.
When she answered that she wanted to become a child psychologist and a behavioral specialist, her eyes welled up with tears. She said that ever since she was a child, she loved knowing kids that had challenges and intuitively understood the psychology and behavior of kids. In her job, she soaks up any information she can get her hands on that have to do with the kids she serves. She had told me that before but was continuing worrying about the day to day activities, bills and circumstances in her life which got in the way. I stated that lets not look at the obstacles yet, but let’s look at the goal and work backwards.
Her goal is to get a PHD in Psychology.
Her first step, then, is to finish her undergraduate work.
She’ll have to call the admissions directors to nearby schools and explain her situation.
She may need to get a referral to get into the school.
She’s going to need financial assistance and might need to cut back on her hours at work.
She’ll then pursue a Masters and a Doctorate.
In 10 years time or less, she’ll have a Doctorate degree and two kids who have learned more from a mommy that was dedicated to bettering herself than worrying about which man to date.
Lindsay left our session so excited. She did want to discuss the “relationship” issue again about should she or shouldn’t she tolerate some of the things she is tolerating and at that point, and because I know her so well, I quirkily responded, “blah, blah, blah, those are the types of distractions that are going to get in your way to getting what you want in life.” I encouraged her to focus again on HER, on what SHE needed to get in her life so she could be proud of the hard work she put in to accomplish a goal.
She ended with a huge smile on her face. She promised to get on the phone tomorrow to the admissions counselors and to get an appointment. She shared with me that she knew that it was her “purpose” to help others with their kids’ problems and challenges. We also discussed that she was going to “spend the time anyway, so you might as well spend it doing something useful instead of wasting it.”
Coaching Lindsay this morning was another reminder to me that there are MILLIONS of distractions in life and we have the ability to choose which ones to give time and energy to on a daily basis. We all have relationships that suck our energy, bills to pay, work to do, dishes to do, trips to take, friends to see and illnesses that slow us down, but when we identify our purpose, our mission and our vision for our life, it can act as a force within us, to open the doors to the path of our future. The hard work that we put in every day towards our goal adds up overtime to accomplishing our goal. When we accomplish our goal, our self esteem rises and opportunities find us.
The road to finding our mission in life is sometimes a rocky road but its well worth it. It is by taking responsibility for our OWN life that we grow up emotionally and can be used in the world to serve others. By keeping our big goal in mind, and our purpose in our heart, we can give less importance to the daily struggles that find us. When we’re able to find and use our gift, we grow. It is by serving others with our gift that we build our self esteem. And when we are serving others at full throttle and fulfilling our destiny, our lives matter deeply.
The challenge is to find that passion, joy and connection in the world. Our challenge is to find the reason why God created us with the certain talents, joys, concerns, beliefs and dreams. When we discover that, we have discovered a meaningful life!
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