Throw a Reunion for those you Care About

Thirty years ago, I felt like a ROCK STAR!!! I had fans, friends and admirers. I was the queen of the ball, and the talk of the town. Okay, not really, but I was on a summer swim team where I felt incredibly loved and successful and from there, it was from there that I launched myself into the world.

Today I wrote a sentimental letter to about 10 people who I considered my closest friends from when I was a little kid. I reminded them of the fun relays we used to have, and the swim meets where we spent time unified as a team, and reminded my first boyfriend of our childhood dates to McDonalds. It was a simpler time then, when as 8 and 10 year olds, we could ride our bikes a couple of miles to the pool by ourselves, spend the whole day and come home for dinner. We’d stay and play after swim practice and our parents didn’t have a care in the world because they knew who everyone was and that all of us were being taken care of by the other parents.

Thinking back to the old times and to the people that we were has been a wonderful experience for me. None of us had really gone through any awkward social times by that time, and all of the boys and girls hung out with each other with no expectations and no agendas. I remember years later when my first boyfriend from 7th grade made fun of me in front of others in high school and I remember thinking that he had changed somehow, and that he was no longer the boy who I knew “way back then.” I publicly ignored his taunting, but it did hurt to know that we didn’t share that special friendship any more.

Then, he grew up and became a very successful and powerful professional in the Orlando area and someone I’d probably never have the chance to meet as an adult. But today in an email, I reminded him of whom he was when he was 9 years old, and who I was and I know that he smiled when he clicked the “send” button to let me know that he’d love to come to a swim team reunion.

Our coach was one of the most important people in my life. He believed in me and told me on the side of the pool one day that I could be anybody I wanted to be in life.. He told me that if I worked hard, if I wanted to swim in the Olympics, that I had the talent to do so. While that never came true, I still remember feeling special, and often credited him as the person who gave me that extra push in life.

Last night when I was reminiscing due to spending time at the “old” pool, but not seeing anyone have NEAR as much fun as we used to have, I decided to throw an old reunion for my former team members. So this morning I wrote to as many people as possible from the old team and reminded them of the good ol’ days. I wrote about the pizza parties, the relays, the late summer nights, the slumber parties, the swim meets and the pranks we pulled on each other. Then I told them that they were all very special to me, and that I’d love to see them again and suggested we have a reunion. I shared with them that I’ve been to too many funerals lately, and it seems that too many people share the same thought: “I wish I would have told him how special he was to me.”

So now, I sit at my computer anxiously awaiting the response. Will they think I’m incredibly corny? Will they be embarrassed for the stories I told? Will they want to forget those ol’ Happy Days and not live in the past? Or will they chuckle and for a moment, revert back to being a kid in their minds, and remember the great times we all shared and know that they wouldn’t miss this reunion for the world?

I’ll take a risk to be corny, and to be called mushy or whatever else they come up with for me after reading my invitation. I just feel content that I’m not waiting to let these people know how special they are, before it’s too late.

The Lazy Days of Summer???

Ahhhh…the Lazy days of summer… I remember them well. I remember getting up when the mood hit, lounging around until lunch time when finally everyone gets dressed, eats and then jumps on the bikes to go to the neighborhood pool. We’d stay there all day and then when it hit 6PM we knew dad was on the way home, so we’d jump on our bikes and head home for dinner. The pool was open until 9PM so we’d eat and then go back to the pool to hang with our friends.

Remember the days?


Okay, anyone who is talking about being lazy during the summer these days isn’t raising kids. Or, perhaps they’ve rented a beach condo for the whole summer and trust all of the other people in their condo will look after their kids! And I’ve heard so many TV news anchors complain that we’re so lazy that we let our kids stay inside all day and watch video games and TV. They act as if we’re the ones who changed. Perhaps they’re right on some accounts, but not all.

Anyone who is raising kids these days has developed an eagle eye. We watch our kids like a hawk, in the stores, at the pool, and at the beach. No one would dare let their little boy go into a public bathroom anymore.. for fear of some crazy wacko who might be hiding in there to molest some innocent little kid for kicks. These weirdo’s might be hiding out anywhere, and as a mom to a 7 year old, we talk about the seriousness of keeping a very close eye on our kids. You have to know where they are at all times, and who they’re with. Even some of the people you know might be suspect. One of my friends’ daughters isn’t allowed to baby sit for one particular family any more because the father came on to her. She was 15. He was 38.

As a result of the current scary conditions of predators in our midst, the best alternative to kids sitting around at home is to put them in summer camp. Camp used to be just for rich kids, and lots of fun activities like horseback riding, water skiing and free swim time. But now, the camps are mini boot camps for serious athletes. My son has gone to two separate basketball camps and now he’s announced to me that he doesn’t want to play basketball any more. He’s in karate camp now and will receive his next belt by participating all week. That usually takes 2 months of practice 2x a week. I can imagine how difficult it’s going to be for me to get him to go back to karate!!!

I don’t have a judgment as to whether we had it better as kids or whether these kids do. Certainly the children now have more offered to them at an earlier age and they’re able to try many more sports and activities these days than we did. I’m a firm believer that kids should try everything and find something that suits their personalities. Also, then they’ve done it and don’t have a fear about trying it when they’re older. But I don’t think they have enough down time to run around and get into mischief like we did. We have to keep such a close eye on them at all times, that they’re constantly under the gun.

Last week, we visited a college roommate of mine who lives near the beach in north Florida. The kids all romped around their gated community like they owned the place. It was great to know that they were totally protected while we could just relax inside and not have to check in every few minutes. But alas, a gated community is no where to be found in these parts, and it doesn't quite fit our current lifestyle anyway.

I continue to hunt for that perfect summer routine. I may have to go to Michigan to find it, but one of these days, I’ll be sitting somewhere near a lake or beach, with my child somewhere that I don’t know, and I’ll feel 100% comfortable. I dream of the day!

Until then, it’s 7am wake up calls for 8am summer camps. No more lazy days for us!

The Joy of Helping Others

One of my clients is getting successful, I mean really, really successful. He’s starting to get the hang of things that we are coaching about and people are starting to respond to him more and more. They’re not only responding to him, they’re actually cheering him on and trying to help him. These aren’t just typical clients either, they’re big, big clients.

When this sort of thing happens, it’s exciting and rewarding. As a coach, it’s the feeling that you always want to get, and when you do, you feel like a proud mama! It’s so cool to see that the strengths that you have, being played out in another person’s life.

Here is what happened. This particular client lives in the Midwest and is a really talented person at his job. He’s in the field of law and is the type who knows every statute and every resource that is available in his particular subject. He’s the “go to guy” when anyone else has a question and he’s always quick to help. The one problem however, is that he wasn’t bringing in the big clients. He was accustomed to helping his clients when they were there, but didn’t know how to go out and “attract” the clients for his firm.

Once working together and we started assessing where he had gotten all of the clients he currently had. Most of them came through other sources at the firm and the few that he did bring in, were referrals or were preexisting customers in other departments. We started looking at what sorts of customers were going to be long term clients and what sort of person and professional he needed to be in order to have the clients calling HIM instead of his customer.

Together, he outlined five clients who were big money makers for his firm. Then we created a strategy to develop them into RAVING FANS. (That’s one of my favorite sayings… because it completely causes a chuckle and also implies that work needs to be done, and great service given before any client becomes one of these) He reviewed each client representative and outlined their personalities and their hobbies, and went to work, getting to know each of them as people, not just as customers. We worked together to develop good coaching questions, and strategies to bring value to each of his clients as HUMAN beings, and things started to click with my client.

For one, he found a vacation spot suggestion that the client’s wife was seeking. For another, he created a solution to a business problem in the other firm by finding resources. One by one, my client began to listen to his clients about their “needs” as people, and he began to serve them as “people”.

The crazy thing is how fast things have turned around. Just by focusing on the PERSON instead of the business, my client was able to forge closer relationships with his clients. Now, it seems that he’s getting all sorts of invitations, from business to personal, and honestly, he’s jumping out of his shoes! (Okay, he’s not that type of person, but I know that inside, he’s really excited when we talk!) And now, other partners at his firm are taking notice. He’s getting more respect in meetings he feels and whether it’s because he has more confidence, or that he’s being noticed more, he doesn’t care. He’s happy with how things are going.

Every time I get off a call with him, I feel elated. It’s just so exciting to help another human being reach their potential and to celebrate their success with them. I want everyone to feel this great about their work, and to feel what it feels like to help others.

I read recently that the people that are most satisfied with their work are in professions that are in the “helping professions”. Physical therapists, psychologists, ministers and the like are among the happiest in their professions. They far outrank other professions that are higher paying, but have much more stress attached, including the law, and medical professions.

If each of us made it a goal to help someone else every single day, where would we all be? Hopefully in our jobs, we can strive to serve others to the best of our ability, but even in our daily jaunts to the store or to working out, we can look for opportunities to open the door for others, or to save them a trip inside by taking their shopping cart for them. These little things can add up to a life that is serving others continually.

And when we review our lives, even if we didn’t get the chance to be on Oprah, or to make a million dollars, we can feel confident that our lives mattered. They mattered because we were able to help others, and that’s the greatest feeling of all.

Each Decision Alters Your Life

Have you ever gone back to your past and wondered, “what if I never left this place?” or “what if I would have married this guy or this girl… how would my life be different?”

This past weekend I went with my mom to her childhood ‘romping ground’ and met the relatives I hadn’t seen in 30 years. We flew to Kansas for my mom’s cousin’s 50th anniversary of being a priest and spent the weekend driving all over Kansas seeing my child hood home, seeing and meeting cousins, going to a nursing home to see an aunt, and even going through a grave yard to see the gravesites of relatives from long ago.

Much to my surprise, Kansas was lush and hilly and beautiful. It wasn’t the flat lands of corn fields like I imagined. It was a beautiful green country side, with rolling hills, lots of trees, charming houses and lots of land. My relatives, many who live out in the country, are wonderful people who are caring and just good and honest people. Their lives revolve around the church and they go to daily mass. They are the type of people who will help others at the drop of a hat and with whom you can sit around for hours and shoot the breeze.

At one point, I sat there and looked at all of these beautiful people sitting around the big table who were all happily talking with each other and wondered what my life would have been like had my parents not left Kansas when I was a little girl? I would have grown up in Kansas instead of in Florida. Would I have been a competitive swimmer? Certainly I still would have been athletic, but would I have found basketball or volleyball more my style in the Midwest than joining the swim team? Would I have gone to the University of Kansas instead of Auburn in Alabama? Would I be a die hard Kansas City Chiefs fan? Who would I have married? Who would my friends be? How would my life be different if I would have had such a close connection to my roots when I was growing up? Would I even look the same?

I contemplated this for a time, and spoke with my mom about this. We discussed that even in her life, her parents made decisions that altered her life and those of her brothers and sisters. We discussed that each time a person moves from one house to another, it brings new friends and neighbors, new jobs bring relocations, and decisions about school and career bring new people, places and attitudes to a person’s life. We finally concluded that every person’s life will be altered numerous times based on the decisions of parents, grandparents, friends and relatives as well as our own decisions.

When I mentioned that I was sad that I hadn’t grown up around relatives that were close to me, one of the cousin’s wives said something I found interesting. She said that when you grow up around relatives who are so close, you don’t develop that as many friends who are really close.

I found that very interesting because my husband and I have such great friends in all of the many places where we’ve lived. We’ve spent holidays with friends more than we did relatives and have always enjoyed getting to see how different families spend the holidays. Since I was away from my family for 20+ years of my adult life, we always spent holidays such as Easter, Halloween and Thanksgiving away. Thinking of it in a positive instead of a negative, I decided that it was right for us.

But still, the game I’ve played is “what if” and I’d take my life down a certain path in my imagination. What if I played basketball instead of swimming competitively? What if I grew up going to a Catholic high school instead of public? What if I would have had so many close relatives and not as many close friends? Would my life be different spending more time in the country than in the suburbs or the city? Would I be a different person growing up around my mothers’ relatives instead of my fathers’? What if I had never gone and lived in Washington DC and become a lecture agent? What if I would have never lived in NYC? What if I would have never even gone away to school? What sort of person would I be instead of the person that I am today?

I’ve concluded that while I’m not perfect, that my life has been perfect. Even all of the struggles that I’ve faced, decisions I’ve made, people I’ve met, and even with the things that I would like to change about my circumstances, I don’t think I’d change a thing. All of the experiences that I’ve had, has made me into the person I am today. I am a combination of all of the people I’ve met, the relationships I’ve had, the attitudes I’ve formed through the experiences that I’ve had, And, I have to say, I like who I am today. I’m an open minded, intellectually curious person, who is open to meeting and getting to know people from all walks of life. I’m not one to sit in the corner just with the people I know, but the one who will branch out and welcome others into the mix. I like people with different backgrounds than mine, and I like learning from them.

What I do know, is that I’m grateful that I come from such great “stock” as my mother says. I’m grateful that I have such amazing people to call “relatives” and happy that I felt a connection with these people who I have rarely seen in my life. I hope that I will maintain the relationships and stay in touch with them and make them apart of my life today.

And if I am to take away one thing from this experience, it’s that each one of us, regardless of where we come from, that we ultimately gets to chose who we become.

And I can feel grateful, my parents gave me roots, and then gave me wings.

The Greatest Lesson Often comes from the Smallest Among Us

This morning and every morning, my 7 year old son and I hold hands while I’m driving him to school and we say our prayers. Every morning, I’ll pray for God to protect us, to bless us, to provide us wisdom to live as we should and for everyone in our lives including our friends and families.

This morning I got learned a lesson from my son. When it was his turn, he said in earnest, “I pray for the people in Georgia with the fires, for the people in ‘upper Florida’ and the fires, and for all of the animals who might be in the fires. I pray for all animals everywhere, and the ones that are sick and paralyzed. I pray for all of the people in hospitals, those who are in wheelchairs, and for the poor. “

At that moment, I couldn’t contain my tears. I realized that my prayers are for us, and for my family and friends. But I learned that my son, prays for animals and people that we don’t know. He’s sincerely asking God to take care of the weak in our world. I started asking myself, ‘who else is praying for these among us and how did my little boy become so compassionate towards these individuals who he doesn’t know, but who probably need more prayer than my immediate family?’

I learned a valuable lesson today. I learned that that there are people praying for us who we don’t even know. There are people like my son all over the world, praying for the weak, the sick and the hungry and these people don’t even ask a thing for themselves.

I thanked God that I saw how special my son is and that I saw inside his heart and realized that he’s one of the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I learned that in the quiet moments that he has a special gift to care for others in a way that I never have but that I want to try to achieve. My son was my greatest teacher this morning, and so today, if I start to worry about my life, or about the things on my to do list, I’ll reflect on my son and his prayer, and I’ll turn my thoughts to others and not to myself. And I will thank God that the smallest among us can be our greatest teachers.

Desiring the Old Time Summer

School is almost over and it’s time to get ready for summer camps. I think about when I was a kid and how every day was spent at the local swimming pool. We’d ride our bikes back and forth by ourselves from age 7 on up, we were independent and basically showed up for dinner when the street lights came on.

These days, in order to keep the kids busy, the alternative is summer camp. They get some sort of freedom, but they’re being watched over by older kids. They’re learning art, basketball or horseback riding, or learning about bugs or science. Kids these days have hundreds of options for a summer packed with exciting learning experiences.

But last night after watching a movie on TV last night called Sweet Home Alabama staring Reese Witherspoon, I was reminded of small town America and how simple life can really be. I started thinking about having a simple summer, somewhere in a small town, were my son can wonder up to the local store or local library or lake and go fishing or out to play where I wouldn’t be concerned. I started wondering if this life is available anymore in the state of Florida? I want him to have exciting learning experiences of course, but I also want him to enjoy out the outdoors and to find out about animals and nature outside of so much structure.

So I went on the hunt. It appears that there are many small towns in Florida that have small lake communities. The problem I find though is that they’re not sophisticated enough to write about it or perhaps they’re trying to keep the small town feel under wraps so others like me aren’t seeking refuge in a place of yesteryear. And if I’m seeking this small town existence, where the car you drive doesn’t matter, and the label on your shoes don’t matter, then how many others are seeking this sort of refuge too?

Do others get tired of the keeping up with the Joneses typical game that occurs in the suburbs? As I walk by the luxurious houses in our neighborhood that have exotic tropical plants that are neatly arranged, I start to stress about the professional landscaping that is lacking from my own yard. I have the plans to do it, and slowly we’re putting it together, but in the meantime, when it’s not as manicured as the two lawns on either side of us, I silently wonder what the neighbors are thinking about us? What about the cars? We’re not now driving our old cool SC 400 Lexus that we had before we had a child. We’re driving Mommy and daddy vans, a couple of SUVs that get us around town, but aren’t the chic glamour car of our past. That puts stress on me, because I want to appear that we’re smart and concerned about our outward image. But, we’ve been investing in our businesses, so we’ve put new cars on the back burner.

Ahh, the old days of summer… and the desire just to hide away to forget about the modern day stresses and to get rejuvenated for a few months. To get to sit by the lake, to fry up some fish, to drink a beer with friends and have the kids swim all day and come in just enough to eat and to plop in bed, tired and happy.

I long for those days, and I’m now completely obsessed with finding this life for us to enjoy for weekends and summers. Perhaps it’s at the beach, or perhaps a lake town, but now that I’m desiring it, I’ll have to find this old time place that’s in my mind.

Summer daze…. The wave of the future… of going back to how it used to be.

How Coaching Works in an Organization

In my work as a coach, I’ve worked with nearly every level of employee from new hire to CEO and CFO. In nearly every case, I’ve found the people to be hard working and eager to improve. They all want respect for a job well done and they desire to get along well with the other employees and their customers.

I’ve found that the role of coach can serve in many capacities and that there are definite ways to be more successful. If the coach is an outside consultant, they have many advantages. They don’t have to answer to anyone within the company and so they are more than likely going to be honest about their feedback. If they’re employed by the company, they still have to play the political game that goes on in some companies. If a coach is employed by the company, then often times the coach is employed by the leader instead of being a partner to them. I’ve been on both sides of the coin, and I’ve decided that it’s far better to be hired as a consultant than as a long term employee.

I’ve also found that a combination of working in person and on the phone is more of an advantage. Even after working on the phone for years with people on and off, there is always an advantage of meeting face to face. So much about a person shows up in their body language, and in their mannerisms. The clients have a better idea of who the coach is and the coach has a better understanding of the client. After the face to face initial meeting, regular phone calls are great to keep the relationship going.

The coach can service their client in many ways. If a coach has an expertise in business, then writing articles and sending information on that particular subject is always of help to the clients. The role of mentor does happen within the context of the coaching relationship sometimes, because the client often does ask for advice or help. Some coaches state clearly that they don’t give advice whatsoever. As an expert in the field, I don’t think that is reasonable, or always the best answer. I’ve seen coaches ask clients the same question dozens of ways, and if the client doesn’t know the answer and wants the quick one, some advice from the coach is truly appreciated. Additionally, sometimes the brainstorm process between the coach and client helps stimulate other thought from the client. I never hesitate to offer suggestions, advice or ideas if the time is right.

In order to keep the busy client engaged, regular email check in’s work wonders. They might be on the road traveling but a quick line of encouragement is always appreciated by the client. I’ve sent cards, books, motivational quotes, articles, business leads, ideas for projects, or quick brainstorms I had outside of the calls or meetings. I’ve always been thanked for these additional items that I’ve added to my coaching.

Confidentiality is key within the coaching relationship. Often times, the client uses the coach to brainstorm ideas that they want to use at the company, and they practice with the coach before hand. I’ve coached numerous clients before they’ve entered big meetings or before they’ve spoken before their companies. It’s good to remind the client that all of the conversations are 100% confidential. This way, they’ll continue to open up as the relationship progresses.

I’ve worked with my clients in the areas of self esteem, leadership, branding themselves within the organization, becoming bolder, public relations in their industries, creating raving fans out of their clients, increasing their client base, creating ideas of projects to pitch, their image, their clothes, conversation skills, and maneuvering their way politically in their company. I haven’t met anyone yet who doesn’t want to be secure in their job and well liked. It’s key to every human being. And the key for the coach is to continually express to their clients, the strengths that the coach identifies and reminds him or her to be authentic to who they are as a person.

The role of coach is an honor. You get to know the clients incredibly well and it’s a thrill to see them develop professionally and personally. And when others in the organization start to see the growth and the changes in the client, that’s when they start taking notice. And that’s usually when other clients come knocking at the door!

Oprah Highlights Autism

Yesterday on Oprah, they did a show highlighting Autism. The statistics are staggering. 1 in every 150 children is now struck with Autism.

The symptoms are that there are language delays, odd behaviors and inability to communicate normally. Many of the children reached early milestones and then at age 2 starting losing their language skills and changed into a child they didn’t know. This was horrible for the parents to witness and even worse when the doctors told the parents they were overly concerned or too worried. It was clear throughout the show that doctors need to be better educated about the early warning signs of autism.

Many of these kids are lost in their own world. They make noises but don’t respond like normal children do to conversation. Some of them can skate and play ball, but they have no ability to talk. The show highlighted some siblings of these children who feel a great sense of loss as well. They also see their autistic brother or sister getting all of the attention from the parents, and feel left out. The parents have no choice but to care for their autistic child. The children require hours and hours of therapy every day. The good news is that some of these children are being helped by the therapy.

The most shocking part of the show was that a medical doctor made an appearance on the show and explained how they believe autism is being spread. She has two sons with autism, and therefore is an expert. She mentioned that it’s genetic, and there “might be environmental factors involved”. When Oprah mentioned that perhaps it was the immunization shots that the babies are given, the doctor said that’s very controversial and that it has been proven that that is NOT the case.

Oprah encouraged one of the moms to disagree because Oprah told her she’d regret it if she didn’t disagree on the show. The mom “vehemently disagreed with that assessment” stating that there have been studies to show that the shots WERE the cause.

At this point, I reviewed the tape and watched the doctor’s face several times. Was she lying? Does she know beyond the shadow of a doubt it’s not the shots? Is she being paid by a pharmaceutical company to say those things? Are her sons being treated by the best of the best so she stays quiet about it? No one will ever know. But in my gut, I felt she knew SHE couldn’t say it, but she was pleased that she was refuted.

Who is shutting the people up? Why is this happening? If there is even a small chance that the immunizations are causing autism, then why is it illegal NOT to get them? Who is making up these rules? Why can’t that be stopped? Why aren’t doctors taking stand against this practice? Why aren’t other people taking a stand? Are we all so afraid as to what can happen to us by speaking up? If there are people who start to speak up, are the pharmaceutical companies getting them to be quiet somehow? What are they doing?

Is it true that there have been cures to numerous diseases but because it’s not beneficial financially to find a cure for the Big Pharm companies, that they run the doctor or scientist out of business? Is it that ruthless? Who are the people behind the scenes who are making these decisions?

Oprah learned not to criticize big business years ago when she was dragged into court by a bunch of cattle ranchers who claimed that she harmed their business when she said on TV that she wasn’t going to eat beef. Apparently, after she said that, sales dipped and the cattle ranchers sued her as a result. Oprah won in court, and met Dr. Phil as a bonus who coached her through her court appearance, but she learned a valuable lesson: Let the guests complain, but she can not.

Parents who are dealing with Autism right now struggle every day to manage their families, their kids and their jobs. But somehow, the laws of the immunizations need to be changed. People need to fight and to stand up. I know it’s not so easy and the repercussions are immense. If a child does not have an immunization, that child can NOT be registered in school. Those are the laws. So the only other alternative is to home school your child for 18 years.

When parents are preparing for a baby, they’re not considering these things and mostly because Autism has been a silent issue, they have no idea what the statistics are, so they get the immunizations as their doctors recommend. Two years later, 1 in ever 150 of those kids, turns into a shell of his or her former self.

This is a serious epidemic in our country. For those having babies, if you research, you’d be crazy and you shouldn’t in good conscious give all of those shots to your baby. Did you know that they give tiny babies up to 5-6 shots at one time? Their tiny bodies are filled with medicine. It’s nothing short of cruel, and it’s damaging our whole society.

We need people to fight before congress to change the immunization laws.
We also need to make sure that the law makers in our country aren’t being swayed by the big political contributions that are made by the pharmaceutical companies to their campaigns. We need to stand up and fight against the big business conglomerate, which is possibly causing our children and millions of families to suffer. And if we can find out if these executive’s children and grandchildren are or are NOT receiving all of their immunizations, we’d be getting somewhere. My guess is that they’re not. They know the damage being done, and they’d never subject their own family to this torture.

Thank you Oprah for hosting this show on Autism. You were brave to stand up to it, and I hope that you’ve stimulated a lot of conversation. I pray that we all remain safe as we push to expose this possible corruption in the pharmaceutical industry and government. They have answers, and we deserve to know.

The Power of Forgiveness: The Movie

Last night I saw a life changing movie. Not only for me, but can change the consciousness of the world. It’s about the Power of Forgiveness.

This documentary outlined several stories of individuals who have had dramatic incidences happen to them by others in their lives, and shares their path towards healing. The stories of the people shared their struggle with the act of forgiveness but also shared their difficult paths.

Elie Wiesel, the author and humanitarian, shared his story of losing his family and millions of the Jews throughout the concentration camps of Germany during the war. The movie showed photos of Wiesel and the thousands of others living in the concentration camp. Their faces were sallow and sad, and filled with despair. By some amazing miracle, he was able to get out and later become a journalist and author, and ultimately a voice for the millions who were exterminated and killed during that time. Internationally, he has been a catalyst to help people move beyond that horrible place in our history.

Another story highlighted the 5 Amish girls who were gunned down in their school house and their community. The Amish people already live lives of forgiveness and even though it was difficult, they believe the bible when Jesus taught to forgive 70X7 times. Their act of forgiveness inspired the world over. The Amish even went so far as to seek out the family of the killer to let them know that they were forgiven.

Then there are three tireless activists who lost family in the WTC during 9/11. They were able to forgive the terrorists, but they were unable to forgive the people who buried all of the debris, including massive amounts of personal items, bones and the dead in a dump on Stanton Island, NY. They’re incensed that their loved ones grave site is a dump. So they traveled to Israel to bury their prayer cards of their family under a new olive tree in a forgiveness garden. They traveled 6000 miles to be there, but for them it was worth it. They lived with so much regret and so much pain, that for them, it was a way to let go of their anguish.

The movie outlined more stories, like the Protestants and Catholics in a 30 year battle in Ireland, and those from Buddhist communities and perhaps the most touching story was from a father and a granddad, who met and came together to teach forgiveness to children. Their story was one of tragedy when 4 14 year old boys partied all day and then ordered a pizza and decided to demand to receive the pizza for free from the delivery guy. He refused and was shot and killed on the spot. The boy who shot and killed the other was a product of a broken home and was being raised by his grandfather. The 21 year old who was shot and killed was from a Muslim family whose tradition told them to grieve for 40 days and then forgive and move on. At the end of the 40 days, the father of the boy who was shot down, contacted the grandfather of the other boy and that began a healing process that lead them to speak to students around the country on the topic of forgiveness.
The movie shows scientists researching the negative physical effects of hurtful emotions on the body. As subjects described their painful experiences dealing with another, their blood pressure became increasingly elevated to dangerous levels. Some personalities, who are “forgiving”, have the ability to return to a normal blood pressure. But those people who still struggled with unforgiveness, continued to have an elevated blood pressure. This proves that unforgiveness harms our body; therefore it’s physically beneficial to forgive in order to protect our health over the long term.

The producer Martin Doblmeier, is sharing this ground breaking movie with 25 cities before its release in October of this year. He said that the producers of Oprah have called, which is a great sign. If the movie is featured on Oprah, it’ll show the effects around the world.

Imagine a day where forgiveness is taught in schools around the globe and the children grow up knowing how bad harboring ill will is for your health and will have the tools to develop into people who have personalities that can easily forgive. The results of this would have a dramatic impact that could be felt world wide.

If you get the chance to see this movie on PBS later this year, don’t miss it. It’s one that will sink into your consciousness and allow you to alter your way of being. Our world needs this movie. We all need this movie. If we all practiced what it teaches, we could elevate our society to a new level of peace.

And to borrow from the movie “Miss Congeniality”, what do we all want? World Peace!

Working with New Yorkers

I just got back from a quick trip to NYC the other day where I’m coaching in a large financial institution. The company that I’m working with has been able to create a warm and family atmosphere even though they’re in a cut throat sort of industry. These people were all incredibly likeable people and I enjoyed seeing a company be able to create this sort of atmosphere in the middle of the hustle bustle of the city.

Each time in NY, I’m inspired to meet the quality of people that I do. It’s nothing like what most people think when they think of New Yorkers. They see them as too rushed, impolite or not friendly. Nothing could be further from the truth. The absolute truth is, is that the more successful people are in organizations, the nicer they are when you get to know them. But, to get in the door, it’s not so easy. They’re tough and they require the people they associate with to have the highest of standards. If you’re able to prove that you have the same set of standards, they let their guard down and welcome you into a working relationship. That relationship is personal and direct, open and real. It happens more quickly than many other working relationships. New Yorkers are great at seeing past the glossy exterior and peering into the real substance of a person or a company. The bottom line is, that if you have the goods to deliver and you have the highest standards and ethics in your business, then New York is a great place to work.

Being in NY is always full of surprises. I was eating lunch at the restaurant, Cosi’s and saw that famous “Cat woman” who has had too much plastic surgery on her face. I was so excited to see her I asked the two gals 2 seated 2 inches from my table if they knew who the Cat Woman was and they got as excited to hear about her as I got because of seeing her!

My hotel, which is like finding a gold mine, is the best serviced, most convenient and most comfortable and affordable hotel I’ve stayed at in the past 3 years in any city around the country. It’s the Fitzpatrick Grand Central Hotel. It’s a block from Grand Central on 44th. It’s owned by an Irish family, has 24/7 room service and they will take care of whatever need you have. Last December, I needed to purchase a copy of the new Pirates of the Caribbean for my TV segment and one of the bell men went to the store and bought it for me with his own money! I was floored at the impeccable service. Nino or Susan are both managers and are both terrific. Tell them that Mary Gardner sent you!

Because New Yorkers and those in the big cities start trends, and now I don’t live in NY, I can share a few insights into people and the up and coming work place. It appears to me, that larger companies, have been and will continue to spend money on training their employees to insure a positive work environment. The more successful a company is, it seems that the nicer and more professional the people are. I just met a top level guy from Google and You Tube, and he was one of the sharpest individuals I had met in a long time. Not only was he incredibly intelligent, but extremely, well, nice is the word! He was patient and kind and helpful. No wonder the company is doing so well!!

I believe that companies are going to need to invest more and more money into training their staff. It’s not just the lower and middle level professionals who are coming across as not overly polished or polite any more, it’s even upper level executives. Our culture is all about rushing and getting things done quickly. But many are losing their manners in the meantime. But.. that’s another whole story!

I’ll be headed back to NY in the morning, to meet up with business associates and possibly some friends. I’ll get to stay at the Fitzpatrick again and enjoy their lovely people.

Hopefully this week, the snow will be melted and people will be hanging in Central Park. That might be a few weeks away, but definitely a reason to visit New York in the spring. New Yorkers in the spring are in rare form: skating and running in Central Park, picnicking on the lawn, flea markets every weekend, sidewalk café dining, and late night concerts followed by late night coffee shops and wine bars. It's a great time to visit and a terrific time to create bonds with the people of NYC.

Ahhhh… New York. There is no where like it. And all you have to do is to love it, to be open to it, and you’ll find the people among the nicest and most open in the world.

Future of Professional Speakers

More and more people are moving into the direction of pursuing their dreams. Many have gone through incredible hardships and have learned through heart ache and struggle that they’ve learned survival and success techniques that they’re anxious to share with the world.

These people become speakers. And with any luck, hard work and persistence, they become professional speakers!

The path of being a professional speaker up until now has had two distinct career paths. Since the beginning of time, experts, former politicians and business leaders and professional athletes have shared their wisdom from the stage. These people get the big bucks and are now represented by celebrity agencies in the major cities.

The other path, are the speakers and trainers who study personal development, organizational development, sales or customer service and enjoy performing. These speakers write trainings which become books, and usually have a business model that combines speaking, coaching and consulting.

I see a third level of speaker who is about to emerge on the scene and it should scare the current motivational speakers and should leave them shaking in their shoes.

I believe that in the future, actors will replace speakers to deliver the latest content available in the universe. These actors will be trained to retain and deliver dynamic information which is entertaining, funny and interactive. These performers will be paid a day rate, and will be highly specialized speakers yet will not have ever worked in business. Content providers and researchers will hire these actors to present their material.

Speaker bureaus who now work with a barrage of professional speakers, will offer another tier of speaker. Performer to deliver keynote, workshop or Training. Union scale will apply. Ads for actors will read: Multiethnic performer/female, age 30s to deliver motivational speeches of adventure, fulfilling potential and excellence. 30 all expenses paid vacations a year paid by corporations. Spokespeople/models encouraged to apply.

Companies will pay $700 for these actors to deliver a highly motivational and exciting speech. The actors can mingle after or during the reception as the “person who climbed the mountains” and take on the whole persona of an outdoor adventurer. Later that night, she’ll climb back in bed and get up the next morning to shoot a movie or a commercial. She’ll be a speaker for hire. An actor. And she delivers up to date, engaging information.

The speaking business is now highly computerized. Anyone can make themselves out to be an instant celebrity by understanding internet marketing and how to build name recognition as an expert. The information is available on the internet for anyone to sound like an expert with an hour or two of study.

I believe as a result we’re not far away from the Milli Vanilli's lip sync scam from the 80’s who performed on stage in front of thousands around the world who bought the group’s music which earned the group a Grammy. Later, Americans learned they’d been scammed by a record label and that the two in the group couldn’t even sing. They lost their Grammy and their credibility. But the reality was, was that the audience didn’t seem to mind. They loved the music they were hearing, and loved the looks and the moves of the performers. It was entertainment and it was successful.

Will corporate audiences care who delivers the content? Will meeting planners care who researched the material that is delivered? Won’t they care more that their staffs are updated on current information and wouldn’t it be a bonus if the spokesperson on stage is nice to look at? Professional meeting planners won’t have to answer phone calls or even speak with speakers. They’ll just search for an actor who can deliver exactly the message they need at the moment.

Already, companies hire young actors to travel to the high school circuit to deliver inspirational messages. These actors have to be certified and memorize 2-3 speeches but then service their immediate city along with many other actors to reach the masses.

Motivational speakers beware. More and more people are pursing their passion of speaking and this competition is going to drive the price of a no name motivational speaker down. But a notice to all of the up and coming actors: Here is a new gig to consider! So get out your suits, polish your shoes …. You’re now a Motivational speaker who has a live crowd to motivate today!

Written by Mary Gardner, Speaker, Coach and TV professional. She can be located at www.marygardner.com. Send for her 10 ten necessary tips for new speakers or review her new ebook: “Prosperity Journal for Professional Speakers” which provides a system to save speakers hundreds of hours of time in learning the business of professional speaking.

Nerves

First there is an inner shaking, then the neck and the face start to heat up… rising from the bottom of your toes to the top of your head. Then the voice starts to go weaker and weaker and finally, you’re grasping for breath, you think to yourself: OH MY GOSH.. this is ABSOLUTELY horrifying!!! What has happened to me?

Our body has a natural reaction to stress and to fear, fight or flight. But what do you do when you really NEED to face a terrifying situation but your body doesn’t want to? For instance, public speaking, giving a report at a company, or in my case, pitching a TV show to a TV network?

This week, I’ve been lucky enough to attend a terrific conference called Real Screen. It’s a yearly conference in Washington DC where most of the Directors of Developments of the national TV networks gather to brainstorm, meet the producers and explain what their network is seeking in terms of programming. At the conference, hundreds of TV and film producers from around the world gather, to pitch their TV concepts and seek deals with the networks.

Before I got here, I was completely convinced that the show we’re creating is the next big thing. It’s got heart, its got style and it’s extremely current. Since I’ve been at the conference, I’ve seen that everyone feels the same about their own show and their job is also to convince the same group of people to buy their idea.

In other words, it’s stressful.

Yesterday, I pitched my show concept formally to MSNBC. They’re now accepting new programming and I thought that my show might have an angle that they’d like. The room is set up like speed dating. You get a number if you pre registered, or you hang around to see if there might be room at the end. I was the one getting in under the gun at the end because I was a late register to the conference. They call you over to the mini table where the 3 Development people sit and wait for you to make your pitch. I started off strong by introducing myself, and then I got to work explaining the concept of my show. I could hear my voice be enthusiastic and excited about the show, and then I felt the heat rising. It swarmed over me like a blanket or someone drowning in a pool of water. There was no controlling it. My face went red and my voice went south.

It was horrible.

Luckily, I finished the pitch, provided the information and then got up to run to the next seminar. I was heading to the speech that was to be given by one of the producers I just met from MSNBC so we went to the seminar together. By that time, the energy of the hundreds of people in the hall helped me retrieve my voice and I chatted happily with him all the way to the next session and we had a terrific exchange for about the same amount of time that I sunk in front of him moments before. Within that time, I learned that my show would not be a decent fit for them, as much as he liked the concept.

It was a great experience for me to go through because next time, I’ll be prepared. Its funny how I could stand before a 1000 people and speak, yet speaking to 3 people in the corner of a room at a table terrified me. The difference was in the preparation. I hadn’t prepared to “speed pitch” and did it on the fly.

It gave me a huge appreciation for my clients who go through similar horrifying episodes in business when they have to speak in front of a meeting or group. It literally makes people sick to even think about public speaking so they derail their career by refusing to do it. As a coach, I can teach anyone to get over the nerves, but the best word of advice that I can give is to prepare, prepare, prepare. Do it in front of a mirror and do it over and over until it’s completely natural. Tape yourself giving your message and do it over and over until it sounds lively and fun.

Speed pitching was torture, and although I’m not doing it again today, I’d definitely do it again and sign up early, prepare and then pitch. In the meantime however, I’ve been able to casually meet other networks heads such from Oxygen, WE, TLC, National Geographic, the BBC, Smithsonian Network, among others. In the quick casual conversations, I came across likeable, passionate and had a story to tell that was intriguing. Most liked my concept but it still hasn’t found a home.

Getting over nerves isn’t ever going to happen fully because they’re there to protect and guide us. But learning to anticipate them and prepare for them can hold them at bay.

There’s no doubt that it’s better to prepare and be articulate than wing it and crash and burn. It’s also a heck of a lot more fun.

From Church Mouse to Champion

I just viewed the most inspiring video I think I’ve ever seen. It was a story of a dad whose son was born with the cord around his neck. The baby wasn’t given much of a chance to live any sort of normal life and the doctors all recommended that he be put away in an institution because they said there was nothing going on in his brain. Yet, when the dad didn’t believe it and they took the baby home to live.

The video showed the boy in his wheelchair through the years with other kids holding a hockey stick, or hanging out with other kids with the intention of having the most normal life as possible. When the boy was able to type on a computer, he told his dad how alive he felt when doing sports. That was the motivation that the dad, a self proclaimed couch potato needed, and he started competing in running events, triathlons and marathons, all while carrying his physically impaired child in a raft while swimming, on the bike handlebars or pushing a stroller while running. They’ve now competed in hundreds of races and beat ¾ of the field, even in spite of the fact that the dad is carrying the son. The story and video are so touching that its’ hard to get through it without crying but it’s so inspiring and it makes you realize that the challenges in life are meant to bring out the best in each of us. It was a video that shared one man’s strength and determination to overcome the odds. To experience and see the love that this father has for his son is awe inspiring, because you can see and feel pain of struggle so much that it creates empathy, respect and reverence when viewing this man and his son who have triumphed over adversity and beat the impossible odds.

When we finally “get” that challenges and frustrations in life are meant to grow us, and to prepare us for bigger and better opportunities. Our microwave society which thrives on immediate gratification, has become disposable. We dispose of diapers, old people, live babies and dead marriages. When we’ve had enough, we ignore it or eliminate it. There is an acceptance of if it gets hard, then get rid of it, instead of the old motto, “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”. We’re becoming weak and pursuing happiness instead of strength and character. People aren’t getting there however, because it takes growing strength and character to grow in inner happiness and strength. So many people keep searching for the perfect relationship, the perfect outfit, the perfect house, the perfect kids, and end up living in a battle of anxiety and depression, because they’re seeking something that isn’t going to appear without going through the process of growing up.

Our world has never been more connected than it is today. We can reach out to people within seconds from around the world. We can view images of their life on line 24/7 and view movies, documentaries and view cams that show us graphic and intimate moments. Yet, millions of people, sit isolated and alone in their living rooms, watching others on TV, and have no idea whatsoever of how to break the ice with their neighbor, or get over the petty relationship issues that cause friction or frustration.

We’ve given up the words, “I’m sorry” because we know that we can develop a new relationship with someone on line tomorrow, probably with another lonely and isolated individual.

In my work of coaching individuals, we work on building real connections with others. We work together to create a plan to engage with others, and to communicate with others. I challenge my clients to pursue real and authentic conversations with their work associates. We create opportunities for them to mentor, coach and help others in their sphere of influence. We also look at the challenges we face in our lives and create a plan of action to manage the problem. By naming and owning the challenge, it gives us a goal to work towards. By not acknowledging the issue, it can continue to challenge and control us, but by owning up to it, it gives the permission to view it optimistically.

One such client had the goal of growing into a leader in her company. She had been with the company for 10 years and had some success, yet she showed up as a church mouse at work. She showed up, but didn’t participate fully in meetings. She let others do the talking and the planning, even though she had many ideas that were valuable and that could have helped the organization. Little by little, with a little planning, a little encouragement and quite a bit of coaching, she took little steps towards over coming her fear of emerging as a leader. Her peers viewed her as a librarian; resourceful and useful but not powerful. My client’s goal was to become a powerful leader.

Moving in that direction challenged her to face her fear of making difficult decisions, standing and speaking in public, mentoring others and correcting others when needed. We started with the basics, just connecting with those in her immediate work space. Then she looked forward towards mentors and instead of just taking mentoring from them, she started bringing value to them. She started showing up to key meetings with something to say, even if it was just a motivational quote to share with the group.

It hasn’t been easy, but my client is now about to start leading important meetings with several groups and as the facilitator I’ve challenged her to show up as the visionary, and the motivator. She now has a plan to do that and is practicing behind the scenes.

Whatever the challenge that faces you in your life, name it. Give it a place in your life. Then get to work. Understand that its going to take a plan. It’s going to take knowing where you want to go, and constant energy, effort and work to get there. More than likely, you’ll need mentors, coaches, books, tapes and even failures to get to where you’re going. You’ll stumble along the way, but you won’t fall if you know where you’re going. Keep that vision in your mind and get up every day with excited anticipation about getting one step closer to getting there.

Overcoming the challenges that life throws at you will either make you crumble or make you strong. If life has given you a life or death challenge like the father in the video, or a work challenge like my client, we can build our inner strength one day at a time. In the beginning, many days seem like complete failures because there is so much to learn and do that it can be overwhelming and make us feel hopeless. But many days of failure turn into more days of learning and stretching and conquering. Eventually, over time, our bodies and minds learn what we wanted to teach it, and we become who we had in mind.

Life is a series of ups and downs, challenges and triumphs. It’s path of getting there that we can celebrate because then as we grow in experience, we grow in our success.

Hitting the Goal: My first 5K

I did it! I did it!!! I did it!!! I finally ran my first 5K!!!

Okay, composure…… I finally did it. And I’m relieved.

This past weekend, I finally overcame a fear of being a runner and lined up with 3200 other runners in Winter Park. Three miles isn’t that intimidating, but if you haven’t been practicing, then it’s not easy. It’s not even easy if you HAVE been training, if we’re being honest.

The morning started out at 6am and I have to admit, I was a bit tired from a fun girls night out the night before. I was careful not to drink much alcohol because I know the feeling of being dehydrated after a night out. But my husband and I had to get our son ready to go and be there for the start at 7:30. I arrived at about 7:20, and as a result of getting there so late, I was able to start the race relatively close to the starting line. I just hopped in and joined the people. As it turned out, I ended up right in front of a childhood friend who was running with her family. I blurted out the time I was hoping to achieve and she did the same. (she ended up beating me by about 30 seconds I found out later!)

When the race started, it took several seconds to get things going but the second my feet passed over the timing station the race was on! People spread out and got into their pace. Because there were so many people, it was a sea of people almost the whole race. Several times I smiled to myself, because I was competing in the race, I was overcoming a fear and actually had prepared and had entered the race.

During the run, people were constantly passing me and I sometimes passed others. I’d see some that I’d pass when they stopped to walk and then I’d see them passing me later. I ran past some unbelievably fast race walkers and I told one man that he was incredible and inspiring! He mumbled back between breathes that it wasn’t easy race walking with such a big crowd.

Hearing the pattering of the feet reminded me of children in a school hall scurrying back and forth between classes. I didn’t hear many conversations going on, heard some music over headphones, and some people breathed hard while others didn’t seem winded whatsoever. I remember singing to myself some favorite country songs, thanking God for this moment that I was experiencing, and also hoping that my body would remain strong throughout the race. I was cold in the beginning of the race but soon turned heated and sweaty, but I did feel pretty strong until the last mile. The last mile was fairly tough for me and I kept wanting to stop but thought about laying in the hospital bed years ago while having my baby and not being able to get out of the bed for a whole month; and I decided that this pain was a lot better pain than not being able to move my legs and walk after I got out of the hospital. This pain was also a better pain than after my knee surgery a few years ago. So, I kept thinking that I had handled worse before, and that I needed to just stay the course, and put one foot in front of the other. If I did that, eventually, I’d reach the finish line.

I realized that I made this race much bigger in my mind than it was in reality. In reality, it was just a fun run, something to do on a Saturday morning with friends and family. But to me, it was so much more. To me, it was saying, that I had found the courage to do something that I knew I probably wasn't going to be good at but still wanted to do. For me, it was having to face my team mates day in and day out, who are old pros and who probably didn’t understand my unimpressive endurance during practice. For me, it was stepping up to the plate, even though I wasn’t 100% sure I could do it.

Now that I’m beyond the intimidation of the other runners and had my mental breakthrough, I can say that now I am a runner myself. I may not be good yet, but I now know that I can do it. My fellow DAWG friend Howard (Hi Howard!!!) asked me today if I was going to write about this, and so I knew that I had to. I wanted to put it in writing to hopefully share with others, that reaching a goal, isn’t always easy, especially mentally. Sometimes, you learn more about yourself on the path to the goal than you anticipated. And sometimes you tick others off while you’re learning the ropes. But the advice that I’ve gained from all of this is that sometimes you just have to shut up and stop talking about it and just do the work.

Then, over time, you’ll reach your goal. And after you reach it… guess what? You’re off and running to the next one! (like getting legs like Howard's girlfriend Adele!!!)

Breaking through Self Limiting Beliefs

This past weekend I lined up with 3200 other runners in my home town in Winter Park Florida and set off to run a 5K. There were champions from afar and new runners such as myself, old people and children, and everyone was giddy with the prospect of racing together. It was a brisk morning in Central Florida, but the kind that makes you glad you don’t live anywhere else.

For me, it was facing a hurdle to overcome that had blocked me in my mind for years. It was the statement in my mind that told me: I am not a runner.

It all started for me in 9th grade. I was on the track team and raced in the sprints and the hurdles. One day in a track meet, I “hit the wall” and my legs wouldn’t carry me. I kept telling them to move but I saw them slow down almost to a stop and my body wouldn’t move faster than at a snails pace. I didn’t know how to explain to myself, to my coach, or to anyone what had happened, so I naturally assumed that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner.
I’ve carried that mindset with me every day since then.

Fast forward through the years, I watched idly from the sidelines during road races and wished I could be in the game instead of being a spectator. Somewhere inside of me was a deep longing to be a runner, and to be the athlete that I thought I had the potential to be. But when I joined a running team this past fall, I continued to manufacture numerous excuses about my missing the practices and not working hard. It wasn’t until I was running with a more mature runner by the name of Grizz, who told me his story of “hitting the wall” on his 18th marathon 50 yards from the finish line. He explained to me that he got dehydrated and his body shut down and it took several minutes to gain his bearings to be able to reenter the race.

When I heard his story it sunk in that all of those years before I too, had “hit the wall”. I had an immediate vision of what my legs looked like at the moment they stopped performing and the horror that I felt when it happened. Now knowing that I was probably dehydrated and could have fixed that scenario by drinking more liquids, I now knew that I was holding a belief about myself that was based on an untruth. When I look back further into my childhood, I was an outstanding athlete and runner, but having one bad experience made me change my belief system. I went from being a strong and secure athlete to a wimpy and weak minded one.

After I realized that this belief has tarnished my view of myself for all of these years, I realized that the only person holding me back from having a great and in shape body was me. I knew now, that only showing up and putting in the work would get me to the place where I wanted to be. I knew that I had a great team of people who I ran with and a supportive coach who gave me guidance, but it was me who would have to do the work.

I was up for the challenge so I set my sights on the 5K in my home town as my first race. I trained several times a week by running a 3 mile path regardless of how I felt. Finally, I got to the level of endurance where I could do the whole run without stopping. That in itself was a goal that I had.

On race day, I had a goal of coming in under 30 minutes and secretly dreamed for a time of 28 minutes. Sure enough, when I passed the finish line, the time was 28:54 and when my foot hit the pad at the finish line, I put my arms up in victory. The victory wasn’t that I won the race, but only that I had conquered a fear, and had now entered a new phase of life with a new mindset.

Knowing now what I know, that my body is strong and can compete, I’m not satisfied with my time. Being a competitor, I now see how hard I’m going to have to push myself to get my time down to a respectable time. I’m now motivated to become more lean and to build more endurance. I have another time goal in mind and I’m giving myself a year to get there.

This time, because I believe that I’m now a runner, I know I can do it.

What a difference a conversation can make; and what a difference an attitude adjustment can make! Thanks Grizz!

Beautiful Women: The Most Bullied in our Society

Do you know a beautiful woman? Have you spoken with her lately? I don’t mean in a way that is casual, I mean, have you talked to her lately about the other … women! Have you asked her how she gets treated by other women she encounters? Her answer may surprise you… and get ready for an ear full!

In our society, beauty is worshiped. We spend trillions of dollars on our hair, make up, spa treatments and even puffing up our face and our lips so we don’t look as if we’ve aged. The Hollywood types have been sucked into a culture that young is the ONLY way to be, and as a result, reconstruct their faces and their bodies to try to resemble a 25 year old. Unfortunately, many times without success. Some recent examples of faces gone badly would be Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers and even my favorite, Meg Ryan. If the surgeon inserts too much fat in a lip or a check, the tabloids then have a hay day criticizing their recent appearance.

How are these beautiful people treated by the general population? There’s no doubt, beautiful people get better treatment. They receive better customer service and better discounts. People allow them to cut in line and treat them special. But there are also times, where beautiful people are treated horrible. Some of the beautiful people are tortured and treated horribly, by their “so called” friends.

I have a friend named Emily. Emily is a mom of 3 boys and a few years after she had the boys she decided to get into shape. She hired a trainer and got to work in the gym and with her diet. She discovered that the high protein, low carb diet worked well and within 2 months she had dropped 20lbs. She’s kept it off by running and by lifting weights.

This is when the problems started. While her customers admired her and her sales never dropped off, the ladies at the office started making snide remarks behind her back. They seemed to leave her out of afternoon get togethers and lunches out. Emily didn’t understand the dramatic change in the climate. After all she was still pulling in her sales and nothing else had changed. But SHE had changed. She had gone from average to beautiful in a few short months, and the women noticed it and didn’t like it.

Another friend who I coached through her transformation lost her baby weight, added hair extensions and a tan and soon many of the other ladies were following suit and adding hair extensions because they obviously admired her style. They also started tormenting her at work and started spreading vicious rumors about her and her boss. Finally, it got so bad that HR had to be called in and this is what she was told: “we’ve never seen anyone’s reputation so brutally attacked with no reason before and we’re sorry. We don’t see how we can resolve this unless you create a less low profile image.”

My friend ended up quitting.

Even at the golden globes, one reporter made a serious error on camera by chatting and flirting with Donald Trump and leaving his wife in the wings without so much as even a “Hello”. Can you imagine THAT reporter ever being invited to a party at the Trumps? Hardly! Ms. Trump is a former Ms. Universe and was just humiliated on national TV.

Beautiful women seem to be so intimidating to other women that many times, they’re treated horribly even before they open their mouths. Is it the way they hold themselves or is it our own insecurities? When we see a buxom lady showing it off, do we automatically get so annoyed that we immediately put our defenses up? When we zero in on a gal’s forehead that has been botoxed and lazored, do we admire her for wanting to improve or do we internally crucify her for wanting others approval?

Society is continuing to change and upgrade. Those of us who have judgments of others need only to review in their own lives when others have first unfairly judged us. Was there a time where you were judged based on your appearance? Was there a time where anyone was jealous of you for something you did or for something you bought or owned?

Jealousy is a natural emotion that pops up in mysterious ways. It causes people to rage and to turmoil and to treat others ferociously. So here’s an exercise to try: next time you start to be annoyed at someone’s success, stop yourself and ask yourself, what can I do to make them feel good? Can I congratulate them? Can I help them in some way? Can I start a lighthearted conversation with them to find out who this person really is?

When we acknowledge our own insecurities and work to overcome them, we’re the ones who grow and we’re the ones who gain the power. It’s worth it to notice our interactions with others; to improve upon them, and grow as a result.

Next time you’re jealous of another: Acknowledge your insecurity to yourself, say or do something nice for the person you’re jealous of, and then do the best thing you can do: and go do something to improve your mind or learn something new.

The world will be glad you did.

Two weeks to my Goal!

The days are counting down. I committed to running a road race after joining a running team back in September. I’ve trained and I’ve visualized, and now, I’m counting the days.

My goal is to finish. I don’t even have a time that I’m shooting for at this point. I just want to start and finish the race without stopping and walking. It’s only a 5K and millions and millions of Americans have run in races like this, but I never have; and for me to get to this point, it’s truly been a journey.

Back in September, I saw a bunch of eager runners meeting at the YMCA. They all had beautiful runner bodies, the type I’ve always longed to have. They looked happy and I knew that they were high on the fact that they had disciplined their bodies and their minds and because they each had a connection with each other through running and being fit. I wanted to be a part of a group like that, but I didn’t have the courage by myself.

The leader of the group wouldn’t allow me to think like that. John told me that I could do whatever I set my mind to, and that he promised to lend support. I accepted the challenge and joined the group. The first month I was up to running 5-7 miles and he told me to stop pushing myself so hard, that I was going too fast and that I’d end up injured. He was true to his word and on my 7 mile run, I strained a muscle. I then took off for a few weeks and then it was hard to ease my way back into it, but slowly I did.

I’d love to say I’ve been an easy “coachee”, and that I took to running like a fish takes to water, but mostly it’s been a mental struggle with me. I wanted to push myself hard and work out every day, but I kept coming up with excuse after excuse of why I couldn’t do it. Either I was injured, or I was out of town, or working, but I kept finding excuses of why I couldn’t run. Somehow, I kept sabotaging myself and I didn’t know why. Finally, one day I was running the track with a very successful, long time marathoner on my team about how he “hit the wall” during one of his marathons 50 yards from the finish line. He shared with me that his body stopped working, and that he fell against a fence which held him up until he recovered and then he stumbled to the finish line. At that moment, I realized then that when I was younger and on the track team, I also “hit the wall” one day, became dehydrated and even though my mind would work, my legs stopped working. I literally couldn’t move my legs. It was if I was in slow motion and my body just stopped.

I didn’t know that “hitting the wall” was something that can happen to anyone. I just thought from that point on that I wasn’t a runner. I thought that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner and that my body wouldn’t perform to the level that I wanted it to. Therefore, going forward I based my physical performance based on something I learned as a 9th grade student and that particular mindset held me back even as an adult. As I thought back over my high school swimming days, that held me back when we had running workouts. The crazy thing was, was that as an elementary school student, I was always one of the fastest girl runners in the whole school. Year after year, I placed as the top athlete in every athletic activity, including running. I even have a trophy somewhere in a box that I should get out to remind myself that I am a good runner!

When I realized that I had one incident from over 20 years ago that was adversely affecting my mental game when it came to running, I finally realized that I’m on my own path, and that the only way that I could break out of this negativity was one day at a time. My coach has now challenged me to build up my endurance by running 3-4 times a week; 3-4 miles a run, which I’m now doing. For Christmas, I received new running clothes and a watch which is making me feel more and more like a runner. Finally, my runs are getting easier and faster, and now, I’m about to sign up for my first race as I promised to myself.

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. My coach has given me a challenge that I believe that I can achieve and that I am committed to achieving. I’m taking baby steps and not overwhelming myself right now with signing up for a ½ a marathon or a marathon right off the bat. I’m building a base of strength and endurance, and as I grow in my strength, my confidence will continue to build.

I see how endurance takes time and that through one day at a time, I build strength. I see how easily we can defeat ourselves by being afraid or by holding a negative belief inside our minds.

On January 20th, I’ll be lining up with hundreds of other runners to do a 5K; which for them, will be a competition with others to see who goes fastest. For me, it’s a huge win for me to show up and finish; because now, I realize that I’m on the way to doing something that I’ve wanted for so long, but didn’t think I could do. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me.

So I’d like to ask you… do you have any beliefs about yourself that are holding you back? Do you have something that you really want to do but you’re not sure you can? Do you have any fear standing in your way?

It’s time to rewind your mind, and review the view, to see if you’re the one standing in your own way. The answer may surprise you. And if you discover, like I did, that the reason for your failure was something you believed long ago, it’s time to rediscover your strength and create a new destiny, of you succeeding and achieving your dream.

Best Gifts to Give this Season!

I just came off the road of a 10 city TV tour where I thrilled news audiences everywhere with the hottest trendy gifts of the season! Wherever I went, I became known as the “chocolate lady” because I surprised people in airports and in airplanes with truffles from Lindt Chocolate. To see the faces of people light up is a wonderful gift and it was so fun, I continued it throughout my journey.

The clock is ticking down to the Christmas but my ideas will get anyone over the hump of what to buy that special person or what to buy the person who you want to do something for, but just don’t have the right gift idea! My suggestions are simple, time effective and will be loved upon receipt.

We’ve all done it, and it’s perfectly acceptable and actually a wonderful gift idea. Gift Cards! They could be thought of as impersonal so what I suggest is that you go for Gift Cards that are widely usable. Two that I find that bring a whole experience to the table are Starbucks and Blockbuster.

I like the Starbucks card because it comes in a cute felt card carrying case that looks cute hanging on the tree or in a stocking. The festive cards come in blue or red and have a great feature that makes it the gift that keeps on giving. You can go on line often and use the automatic reload system, and fill up the card monthly or whenever the balance falls below a certain level. Today I was in Starbucks and the manager seemed baffled because there was an article in the Orlando Sentinel because people are memorizing the number on the back of the gift card and apparently calling it in and using it to reissue a card by saying they lost it. What they didn’t know, is that on www.starbucks.com, you can register the card with your name and information and if the card is stolen, Starbucks will freeze the account until another card is reissued. Just to be on the safe side, pick a card from behind the pack, and register it immediately upon returning home.

The Blockbuster card is like giving the gift of Entertainment! I like to put a gift card together with a movie theme, like “Chick Flick Night” or “Scary Night” , and put the gift card in a basket with popcorn, the movie, some candy and a drink and away you go! The idea is that you’re giving a whole night of fun. The Blockbuster cards come with different themes, from holiday themes to the recent movie releases like Happy Feet, Cars or Ice Age. They come in dominations of $15 and $20 for the new release gift cards and the holiday cards can be loaded up to $500. It can be a whole year of entertaining fun!

For families or for people far away, I love giving food and wine for gifts. The reason is that there is no color restrictions, one size fits all, and they’re not going to even think of returning them! For starters, my favorite this year I purchased on line at www.omahasteak.com . When I tell you that you can’t believe the enormous ice chest that is delivered right to the recipients door step chock full of Filet mignon, Steak Burgers, Sirloin Tips, Stuffed sole, baked potatoes and even 2 chocolate cakes, I mean, you can’t believe it! It even comes with a cutlery set and a cutting board, just for kicks. But the clincher is that the whole gift probably delivers several meals to a family of 3-4 and is only $60. It truly is a deal that can’t be beat and if you haven’t had the pleasure of trying an Omaha Steak, you’re missing out. I may be a bit partial, because, after all, I was born in Omaha! But I promise, you won’t be disappointed!

Did you know that it’s been estimated that 50% of American families will be serving wine at the holiday dinner this year? That’s right! We’re finally catching up and actually surpassing the French in our wine consumption! And, you don’t have to be super sophisticated to enjoy a good wine. Napa Valley is truly respected internationally and you can visit a store to read up on a few of the decent labels if you don’t have time to peruse Wine Enthusiast Magazine. You can always ask the clerk at the liquor store as well. I selected a few Cabernets for the trip this year, and my favorites were Sterling Vineyard and a BV Wine. The Sterling I loved is an elegant and refined cabernet, and it was just voted by Wine 7 Spirits Magazine as the top Cabernet by the glass in their restaurant poll. I’ve seen it sold anywhere from $21 to $25. The other Cabernet is from a winery that is an original California Cult Classic, Beaulieu Vineyard Georges De Latour Private Reserve 2003. I had the wine at dinner one night with friends and was hooked. The bottle is sold anywhere from $79-$95 and would be a great addition to anyone’s collection or a nice bottle to share for the holidays with friends and family. Lastly, I brought along a Chardonnay for the white wine drinkers and the Edna Valley Paragon is a nice wine at $12 that anyone would love.

If you plan on sending corporate gifts or goodies this year to anyone, just make sure that you’re purchasing something that is high quality. That way, you don’t have to go overboard, but you’re sure that whatever arrives, will come in a fine style. I have had great luck with Lindt Chocolate. I had a lady debate me in the airport whether it was better than Sees Chocolate but she didn’t seem to turn down the truffle I offered and I must say she enjoyed it immensely. The truth of the matter is, is that there are many fine companies that produce great chocolate but there is something about having a SWISS chocolate be delivered. I went this year for the assorted green box Collection, the truffles, of course, and a gift basket for $150. I have to say that I’ve gained a few pounds on the road this year by having to continue to test the truffles. They come in several flavors and I kept getting confused about which flavor was in which package, so I kept trying them and trying them and trying them. You get the picture, I just wanted to keep eating them. On one of the planes flying to the west coast, the people in the second class cabin where I was got a huge whiff of the smell of warm chocolate cookies which were being baked and delivered for the first class cabin. Low and behold, I took out my truffles and made the people in the surrounding rows around me just as happy!

Last but not least, if you’re planning on decorating cookies this year I have a few tips. You can get a cookie press to save time and mess and I found that Wilton has a great one that is easy to use and fun for kids. Wilton is the company that has all of the flavored tubes of icing and sprinkles, which of course are fun for decorating. The other thing to do, is that you can go to the bakery and buy sugar cookies that are already cut out, to save more time. The fun is in the decorating after all!

This year, I hope that you find these ideas are easy and fun and well received. If you get stuck, if it’s a woman, you can always buy accessories and I have my favorites there as well! But I’ll save that for next time, and in the mean time, happy shopping!!! And if you’re smart, you’ll do it on line before Dec. 20, which is the last day that UPS/FED EX will guarantee that your shipment will arrive to its destination!!

Happy Holidays!!!

Life Changing Movie. Warning! Will Create Miracles!

Okay guys, you know I’ve been into motivation for a long time. But it’s been years since I’ve seen a product that has literally swept a nation like the one that I’m about to tell you about has. Many of you at this point have seen this movie or you happened to see several of the people in the movie on Larry King last week.

I first heard of the movie, The Secret in one of my coaching classes at Coach U a few months ago. Someone mentioned that you could see it on line or order it so I visited the website and thought it looked interesting. I didn’t purchase it at that time but was hoping that I could find someone who had the movie and borrow it from then. Less than a month later, a friend of mine mentioned the movie and I jumped at the opportunity to see it.

I watched the movie over and over and what began to happen in my life was mind boggling. I’ve always known about the concept of the Law of Attraction, but I didn’t always put it into work. The concept is that you first must know what you want, then visualize it, and then take the jump or leap of faith and start feeling like you have it and live in a place of complete gratitude for what you have attracted. That’s the hardest part, but the movie describes how our thoughts are sent into the universe with vibrations and that we’re like a magnet, so we get back what we put out there, for good or for bad.

I started thinking about my TV show that I’ve wanted to host and produce for so long. Within a matter of 1-2 days I received an email from a former executive at a very large production studio in Orlando, requesting that I be linked into his contact base through the internet networking tool. I checked out his other contacts and they were very prominent people in the world of TV. I wrote to this guy and asked if he was SURE he wanted to be linked to me because I was now doing speaking and coaching and wanted to do TV but didn’t have a show right now. He wrote back and suggested we get together for coffee. That meeting has now launched my TV pitch which we’re doing together in January.

Days later, I received an email from my former boss who would be in town although he probably didn’t have time to get together. I suggested a time and low and behold, the time worked out. Within a week, I was now sitting down with one of the top celebrity agents in our country. My show happens to be a celebrity driven show.

Out of the blue, a few days ago, I received a call from a friend who I used to work with at QVC. He and his wife now live in Florida and work with HSN and were looking for TV hosts, contacts, etc. I happen to be traveling to Tampa in a week on my TV tour and promised to call so we can get together.

So many coincidences! I didn’t have to reach out to these people at all. They contacted me. That is the highly unusual part of the whole thing. It was created by my intense belief that this is what I’m supposed to be doing and I’m excited about it and I know that I’m supposed to live my dream.

At this point, there is a convention happening in DC for cable companies and I’m feeling like I should be there with my production team. I’m now considering fund raising, to share my vision for my show and allow them to help me produce this show. It’s a show that will help millions of people and I know that I’m the one to host this show.

Other things are happening, but these are the ones that are happening the fastest. Life is getting more and more exciting, and I’ve now told tons and tons of people about the movie called THE SECRET.
The movie is available at http://www.thesecret.tv/ for $29 and it’s worth every penny. I’ve watched it several times and I’ve ordered one for me now and have bought it for a few people for Christmas. I believe our whole world would change if people would watch and apply the secrets learned in The Secret.

Please email me if you order the film and let me know what sorts of miracles start turning up in your life. I’m excited to know that each of us has a mission and a purpose that drives our dreams and that we are here to serve the world in that capacity. Mine is to do a TV show that will help people get connected to God, to build their self esteem and to help others in the process. But that’s just one of the ways that I’ll do my purpose of helping people. My true role here, as with any of us, is to love and to serve. I just happen to love the venue of Television.

May God bless you on your search and when you watch The Secret, you’ll see what I mean. I can’t wait for your miracles to happen and for your dreams to be brought forth to reality. It is an exciting time. A truly rewarding and exciting time.

The Importance of Self Care

Big week. Very big week. I had some larger than life meetings with some people who can actually help me make my ultimate career dreams come true. It’s exciting and can be overwhelming, but I’ve realized the importance of one thing.

I need to step back and take care of myself when I’m busy. It’s the best thing I could ever do for myself.

Take a client of mine who recently had a launch of her new product. There were the parties and the fund raisers. There were the meetings and the press events. There was excitement, and the fulfillment of a dream that she had been working on for many years. After the big event, she was sick for a month. Colds, flu, congestion, aching, you name it, she had it. And as soon as she got well, she jumped on a plane and did a tour promoting her product. She ran and ran and ran herself into the ground and it’ll be no surprise to anyone to hear, she got sick once again.

Another client I work with dealt with another stressful event which ultimately caused her illness. This lady is a manager and had to cover during work for a few employees who were out with pregnancy and a surgery. My client is completely capable and able to do the jobs of her co workers well, but the stress got to her. She ended up caving and fell ill at the end of her ramped up time. She ended up missing several days of work in a row as a result, which ultimately did not help the department. As a matter of fact, it COST the department. It slowed down the work because of the several sick days.

What these two clients had in common was that they put their work before themselves. They put the goals of their company before their own, and sacrificed over and over until they made the sacrifice of their health. They ended up having to take off a lot of time from work after the fact and their work probably suffered while they were there because both of them worked while they were sick.

Putting ourselves first often sounds selfish. It sounds like we’re self important or too good to work too hard. Nothing can be further from the truth. If we value the company or our work, we’ll value ourselves first. If we take care of ourselves, we’ll be strong for our company. If we take care of ourselves, we won’t get sick after the busy time, or stressful times.

Taking care of ourselves means different things to different people. To me, it means getting in exercise several days a week and eat healthy foods. It means getting lots of down time, to be alone and to read and write. To me, it means getting to spend time laughing and playing with my son and reading to him or drawing with him. To me, it means connecting with my husband and getting to hear about his daily events that take place. It also means, connecting with my family and my friends via phone or in person. Lastly, it means that I have prayer time, and complete quiet time where I can just listen.

I find when I do these things, and take great care of myself, and have a lot of time just alone or being with my close circle of friends and family, I feel more productive. I’m more creative, and I’m happier. I feel more centered, and more balanced. I lose the anxiety, and the stress. I can also handle more stress because I feel stronger.

It’s taken me years to find the formula that works for me. I know immediately when I’m out of balance. I start losing things and my clothes pile up in my closet. My desk gets overly cluttered and my house looks messy. I start getting a bit pudgy and my clothes feel tight. My nails and my hair start to look worn and I don’t feel the inner spark that I love to share with others.

So like today, in the midst of my excitement, I took the morning off to spend with my dog. She needed me. She had a cough. So I took her for a walk. I read my bible and I wrote in my journal. I spoke with my mom a few times and emailed and called a dear old friend. I spent time out on my porch just reading and soaking in the sun shine. Later, even after work, I felt good. I handled some “parental stress” that is a part of a working mom’s day such as dinner, bath time and assisting getting a splinter of a screaming child's hand. I handled it all with grace and ease. I felt fine that even though there was a bit of chaos around me, it didn’t affect me. I was in the flow and it felt right.

When we finally get this lesson about taking good care of ourselves, we’ve usually already done it wrong for a good many years. I sure did. I used to live on adrenaline and was a complete junky. As a result, I never felt really good. I was overweight and out of shape. And, I’d prefer to not go back there.

So to challenge yourself, just review for yourself what YOU need to do to feel good about yourself. Do you need exercise? Do you need a special meal? Do you need to bask in the sunlight or get a massage? Whatever it is, make it happen. Trade massages with someone else if you have to, but figure it out.

Your body will thank you. Your mind will thank you. And ultimately your life will thank you, and reward you, just for taking care of yourself.