Working with New Yorkers

I just got back from a quick trip to NYC the other day where I’m coaching in a large financial institution. The company that I’m working with has been able to create a warm and family atmosphere even though they’re in a cut throat sort of industry. These people were all incredibly likeable people and I enjoyed seeing a company be able to create this sort of atmosphere in the middle of the hustle bustle of the city.

Each time in NY, I’m inspired to meet the quality of people that I do. It’s nothing like what most people think when they think of New Yorkers. They see them as too rushed, impolite or not friendly. Nothing could be further from the truth. The absolute truth is, is that the more successful people are in organizations, the nicer they are when you get to know them. But, to get in the door, it’s not so easy. They’re tough and they require the people they associate with to have the highest of standards. If you’re able to prove that you have the same set of standards, they let their guard down and welcome you into a working relationship. That relationship is personal and direct, open and real. It happens more quickly than many other working relationships. New Yorkers are great at seeing past the glossy exterior and peering into the real substance of a person or a company. The bottom line is, that if you have the goods to deliver and you have the highest standards and ethics in your business, then New York is a great place to work.

Being in NY is always full of surprises. I was eating lunch at the restaurant, Cosi’s and saw that famous “Cat woman” who has had too much plastic surgery on her face. I was so excited to see her I asked the two gals 2 seated 2 inches from my table if they knew who the Cat Woman was and they got as excited to hear about her as I got because of seeing her!

My hotel, which is like finding a gold mine, is the best serviced, most convenient and most comfortable and affordable hotel I’ve stayed at in the past 3 years in any city around the country. It’s the Fitzpatrick Grand Central Hotel. It’s a block from Grand Central on 44th. It’s owned by an Irish family, has 24/7 room service and they will take care of whatever need you have. Last December, I needed to purchase a copy of the new Pirates of the Caribbean for my TV segment and one of the bell men went to the store and bought it for me with his own money! I was floored at the impeccable service. Nino or Susan are both managers and are both terrific. Tell them that Mary Gardner sent you!

Because New Yorkers and those in the big cities start trends, and now I don’t live in NY, I can share a few insights into people and the up and coming work place. It appears to me, that larger companies, have been and will continue to spend money on training their employees to insure a positive work environment. The more successful a company is, it seems that the nicer and more professional the people are. I just met a top level guy from Google and You Tube, and he was one of the sharpest individuals I had met in a long time. Not only was he incredibly intelligent, but extremely, well, nice is the word! He was patient and kind and helpful. No wonder the company is doing so well!!

I believe that companies are going to need to invest more and more money into training their staff. It’s not just the lower and middle level professionals who are coming across as not overly polished or polite any more, it’s even upper level executives. Our culture is all about rushing and getting things done quickly. But many are losing their manners in the meantime. But.. that’s another whole story!

I’ll be headed back to NY in the morning, to meet up with business associates and possibly some friends. I’ll get to stay at the Fitzpatrick again and enjoy their lovely people.

Hopefully this week, the snow will be melted and people will be hanging in Central Park. That might be a few weeks away, but definitely a reason to visit New York in the spring. New Yorkers in the spring are in rare form: skating and running in Central Park, picnicking on the lawn, flea markets every weekend, sidewalk café dining, and late night concerts followed by late night coffee shops and wine bars. It's a great time to visit and a terrific time to create bonds with the people of NYC.

Ahhhh… New York. There is no where like it. And all you have to do is to love it, to be open to it, and you’ll find the people among the nicest and most open in the world.

Future of Professional Speakers

More and more people are moving into the direction of pursuing their dreams. Many have gone through incredible hardships and have learned through heart ache and struggle that they’ve learned survival and success techniques that they’re anxious to share with the world.

These people become speakers. And with any luck, hard work and persistence, they become professional speakers!

The path of being a professional speaker up until now has had two distinct career paths. Since the beginning of time, experts, former politicians and business leaders and professional athletes have shared their wisdom from the stage. These people get the big bucks and are now represented by celebrity agencies in the major cities.

The other path, are the speakers and trainers who study personal development, organizational development, sales or customer service and enjoy performing. These speakers write trainings which become books, and usually have a business model that combines speaking, coaching and consulting.

I see a third level of speaker who is about to emerge on the scene and it should scare the current motivational speakers and should leave them shaking in their shoes.

I believe that in the future, actors will replace speakers to deliver the latest content available in the universe. These actors will be trained to retain and deliver dynamic information which is entertaining, funny and interactive. These performers will be paid a day rate, and will be highly specialized speakers yet will not have ever worked in business. Content providers and researchers will hire these actors to present their material.

Speaker bureaus who now work with a barrage of professional speakers, will offer another tier of speaker. Performer to deliver keynote, workshop or Training. Union scale will apply. Ads for actors will read: Multiethnic performer/female, age 30s to deliver motivational speeches of adventure, fulfilling potential and excellence. 30 all expenses paid vacations a year paid by corporations. Spokespeople/models encouraged to apply.

Companies will pay $700 for these actors to deliver a highly motivational and exciting speech. The actors can mingle after or during the reception as the “person who climbed the mountains” and take on the whole persona of an outdoor adventurer. Later that night, she’ll climb back in bed and get up the next morning to shoot a movie or a commercial. She’ll be a speaker for hire. An actor. And she delivers up to date, engaging information.

The speaking business is now highly computerized. Anyone can make themselves out to be an instant celebrity by understanding internet marketing and how to build name recognition as an expert. The information is available on the internet for anyone to sound like an expert with an hour or two of study.

I believe as a result we’re not far away from the Milli Vanilli's lip sync scam from the 80’s who performed on stage in front of thousands around the world who bought the group’s music which earned the group a Grammy. Later, Americans learned they’d been scammed by a record label and that the two in the group couldn’t even sing. They lost their Grammy and their credibility. But the reality was, was that the audience didn’t seem to mind. They loved the music they were hearing, and loved the looks and the moves of the performers. It was entertainment and it was successful.

Will corporate audiences care who delivers the content? Will meeting planners care who researched the material that is delivered? Won’t they care more that their staffs are updated on current information and wouldn’t it be a bonus if the spokesperson on stage is nice to look at? Professional meeting planners won’t have to answer phone calls or even speak with speakers. They’ll just search for an actor who can deliver exactly the message they need at the moment.

Already, companies hire young actors to travel to the high school circuit to deliver inspirational messages. These actors have to be certified and memorize 2-3 speeches but then service their immediate city along with many other actors to reach the masses.

Motivational speakers beware. More and more people are pursing their passion of speaking and this competition is going to drive the price of a no name motivational speaker down. But a notice to all of the up and coming actors: Here is a new gig to consider! So get out your suits, polish your shoes …. You’re now a Motivational speaker who has a live crowd to motivate today!

Written by Mary Gardner, Speaker, Coach and TV professional. She can be located at www.marygardner.com. Send for her 10 ten necessary tips for new speakers or review her new ebook: “Prosperity Journal for Professional Speakers” which provides a system to save speakers hundreds of hours of time in learning the business of professional speaking.

Nerves

First there is an inner shaking, then the neck and the face start to heat up… rising from the bottom of your toes to the top of your head. Then the voice starts to go weaker and weaker and finally, you’re grasping for breath, you think to yourself: OH MY GOSH.. this is ABSOLUTELY horrifying!!! What has happened to me?

Our body has a natural reaction to stress and to fear, fight or flight. But what do you do when you really NEED to face a terrifying situation but your body doesn’t want to? For instance, public speaking, giving a report at a company, or in my case, pitching a TV show to a TV network?

This week, I’ve been lucky enough to attend a terrific conference called Real Screen. It’s a yearly conference in Washington DC where most of the Directors of Developments of the national TV networks gather to brainstorm, meet the producers and explain what their network is seeking in terms of programming. At the conference, hundreds of TV and film producers from around the world gather, to pitch their TV concepts and seek deals with the networks.

Before I got here, I was completely convinced that the show we’re creating is the next big thing. It’s got heart, its got style and it’s extremely current. Since I’ve been at the conference, I’ve seen that everyone feels the same about their own show and their job is also to convince the same group of people to buy their idea.

In other words, it’s stressful.

Yesterday, I pitched my show concept formally to MSNBC. They’re now accepting new programming and I thought that my show might have an angle that they’d like. The room is set up like speed dating. You get a number if you pre registered, or you hang around to see if there might be room at the end. I was the one getting in under the gun at the end because I was a late register to the conference. They call you over to the mini table where the 3 Development people sit and wait for you to make your pitch. I started off strong by introducing myself, and then I got to work explaining the concept of my show. I could hear my voice be enthusiastic and excited about the show, and then I felt the heat rising. It swarmed over me like a blanket or someone drowning in a pool of water. There was no controlling it. My face went red and my voice went south.

It was horrible.

Luckily, I finished the pitch, provided the information and then got up to run to the next seminar. I was heading to the speech that was to be given by one of the producers I just met from MSNBC so we went to the seminar together. By that time, the energy of the hundreds of people in the hall helped me retrieve my voice and I chatted happily with him all the way to the next session and we had a terrific exchange for about the same amount of time that I sunk in front of him moments before. Within that time, I learned that my show would not be a decent fit for them, as much as he liked the concept.

It was a great experience for me to go through because next time, I’ll be prepared. Its funny how I could stand before a 1000 people and speak, yet speaking to 3 people in the corner of a room at a table terrified me. The difference was in the preparation. I hadn’t prepared to “speed pitch” and did it on the fly.

It gave me a huge appreciation for my clients who go through similar horrifying episodes in business when they have to speak in front of a meeting or group. It literally makes people sick to even think about public speaking so they derail their career by refusing to do it. As a coach, I can teach anyone to get over the nerves, but the best word of advice that I can give is to prepare, prepare, prepare. Do it in front of a mirror and do it over and over until it’s completely natural. Tape yourself giving your message and do it over and over until it sounds lively and fun.

Speed pitching was torture, and although I’m not doing it again today, I’d definitely do it again and sign up early, prepare and then pitch. In the meantime however, I’ve been able to casually meet other networks heads such from Oxygen, WE, TLC, National Geographic, the BBC, Smithsonian Network, among others. In the quick casual conversations, I came across likeable, passionate and had a story to tell that was intriguing. Most liked my concept but it still hasn’t found a home.

Getting over nerves isn’t ever going to happen fully because they’re there to protect and guide us. But learning to anticipate them and prepare for them can hold them at bay.

There’s no doubt that it’s better to prepare and be articulate than wing it and crash and burn. It’s also a heck of a lot more fun.

From Church Mouse to Champion

I just viewed the most inspiring video I think I’ve ever seen. It was a story of a dad whose son was born with the cord around his neck. The baby wasn’t given much of a chance to live any sort of normal life and the doctors all recommended that he be put away in an institution because they said there was nothing going on in his brain. Yet, when the dad didn’t believe it and they took the baby home to live.

The video showed the boy in his wheelchair through the years with other kids holding a hockey stick, or hanging out with other kids with the intention of having the most normal life as possible. When the boy was able to type on a computer, he told his dad how alive he felt when doing sports. That was the motivation that the dad, a self proclaimed couch potato needed, and he started competing in running events, triathlons and marathons, all while carrying his physically impaired child in a raft while swimming, on the bike handlebars or pushing a stroller while running. They’ve now competed in hundreds of races and beat ¾ of the field, even in spite of the fact that the dad is carrying the son. The story and video are so touching that its’ hard to get through it without crying but it’s so inspiring and it makes you realize that the challenges in life are meant to bring out the best in each of us. It was a video that shared one man’s strength and determination to overcome the odds. To experience and see the love that this father has for his son is awe inspiring, because you can see and feel pain of struggle so much that it creates empathy, respect and reverence when viewing this man and his son who have triumphed over adversity and beat the impossible odds.

When we finally “get” that challenges and frustrations in life are meant to grow us, and to prepare us for bigger and better opportunities. Our microwave society which thrives on immediate gratification, has become disposable. We dispose of diapers, old people, live babies and dead marriages. When we’ve had enough, we ignore it or eliminate it. There is an acceptance of if it gets hard, then get rid of it, instead of the old motto, “when the going gets tough, the tough gets going”. We’re becoming weak and pursuing happiness instead of strength and character. People aren’t getting there however, because it takes growing strength and character to grow in inner happiness and strength. So many people keep searching for the perfect relationship, the perfect outfit, the perfect house, the perfect kids, and end up living in a battle of anxiety and depression, because they’re seeking something that isn’t going to appear without going through the process of growing up.

Our world has never been more connected than it is today. We can reach out to people within seconds from around the world. We can view images of their life on line 24/7 and view movies, documentaries and view cams that show us graphic and intimate moments. Yet, millions of people, sit isolated and alone in their living rooms, watching others on TV, and have no idea whatsoever of how to break the ice with their neighbor, or get over the petty relationship issues that cause friction or frustration.

We’ve given up the words, “I’m sorry” because we know that we can develop a new relationship with someone on line tomorrow, probably with another lonely and isolated individual.

In my work of coaching individuals, we work on building real connections with others. We work together to create a plan to engage with others, and to communicate with others. I challenge my clients to pursue real and authentic conversations with their work associates. We create opportunities for them to mentor, coach and help others in their sphere of influence. We also look at the challenges we face in our lives and create a plan of action to manage the problem. By naming and owning the challenge, it gives us a goal to work towards. By not acknowledging the issue, it can continue to challenge and control us, but by owning up to it, it gives the permission to view it optimistically.

One such client had the goal of growing into a leader in her company. She had been with the company for 10 years and had some success, yet she showed up as a church mouse at work. She showed up, but didn’t participate fully in meetings. She let others do the talking and the planning, even though she had many ideas that were valuable and that could have helped the organization. Little by little, with a little planning, a little encouragement and quite a bit of coaching, she took little steps towards over coming her fear of emerging as a leader. Her peers viewed her as a librarian; resourceful and useful but not powerful. My client’s goal was to become a powerful leader.

Moving in that direction challenged her to face her fear of making difficult decisions, standing and speaking in public, mentoring others and correcting others when needed. We started with the basics, just connecting with those in her immediate work space. Then she looked forward towards mentors and instead of just taking mentoring from them, she started bringing value to them. She started showing up to key meetings with something to say, even if it was just a motivational quote to share with the group.

It hasn’t been easy, but my client is now about to start leading important meetings with several groups and as the facilitator I’ve challenged her to show up as the visionary, and the motivator. She now has a plan to do that and is practicing behind the scenes.

Whatever the challenge that faces you in your life, name it. Give it a place in your life. Then get to work. Understand that its going to take a plan. It’s going to take knowing where you want to go, and constant energy, effort and work to get there. More than likely, you’ll need mentors, coaches, books, tapes and even failures to get to where you’re going. You’ll stumble along the way, but you won’t fall if you know where you’re going. Keep that vision in your mind and get up every day with excited anticipation about getting one step closer to getting there.

Overcoming the challenges that life throws at you will either make you crumble or make you strong. If life has given you a life or death challenge like the father in the video, or a work challenge like my client, we can build our inner strength one day at a time. In the beginning, many days seem like complete failures because there is so much to learn and do that it can be overwhelming and make us feel hopeless. But many days of failure turn into more days of learning and stretching and conquering. Eventually, over time, our bodies and minds learn what we wanted to teach it, and we become who we had in mind.

Life is a series of ups and downs, challenges and triumphs. It’s path of getting there that we can celebrate because then as we grow in experience, we grow in our success.

Hitting the Goal: My first 5K

I did it! I did it!!! I did it!!! I finally ran my first 5K!!!

Okay, composure…… I finally did it. And I’m relieved.

This past weekend, I finally overcame a fear of being a runner and lined up with 3200 other runners in Winter Park. Three miles isn’t that intimidating, but if you haven’t been practicing, then it’s not easy. It’s not even easy if you HAVE been training, if we’re being honest.

The morning started out at 6am and I have to admit, I was a bit tired from a fun girls night out the night before. I was careful not to drink much alcohol because I know the feeling of being dehydrated after a night out. But my husband and I had to get our son ready to go and be there for the start at 7:30. I arrived at about 7:20, and as a result of getting there so late, I was able to start the race relatively close to the starting line. I just hopped in and joined the people. As it turned out, I ended up right in front of a childhood friend who was running with her family. I blurted out the time I was hoping to achieve and she did the same. (she ended up beating me by about 30 seconds I found out later!)

When the race started, it took several seconds to get things going but the second my feet passed over the timing station the race was on! People spread out and got into their pace. Because there were so many people, it was a sea of people almost the whole race. Several times I smiled to myself, because I was competing in the race, I was overcoming a fear and actually had prepared and had entered the race.

During the run, people were constantly passing me and I sometimes passed others. I’d see some that I’d pass when they stopped to walk and then I’d see them passing me later. I ran past some unbelievably fast race walkers and I told one man that he was incredible and inspiring! He mumbled back between breathes that it wasn’t easy race walking with such a big crowd.

Hearing the pattering of the feet reminded me of children in a school hall scurrying back and forth between classes. I didn’t hear many conversations going on, heard some music over headphones, and some people breathed hard while others didn’t seem winded whatsoever. I remember singing to myself some favorite country songs, thanking God for this moment that I was experiencing, and also hoping that my body would remain strong throughout the race. I was cold in the beginning of the race but soon turned heated and sweaty, but I did feel pretty strong until the last mile. The last mile was fairly tough for me and I kept wanting to stop but thought about laying in the hospital bed years ago while having my baby and not being able to get out of the bed for a whole month; and I decided that this pain was a lot better pain than not being able to move my legs and walk after I got out of the hospital. This pain was also a better pain than after my knee surgery a few years ago. So, I kept thinking that I had handled worse before, and that I needed to just stay the course, and put one foot in front of the other. If I did that, eventually, I’d reach the finish line.

I realized that I made this race much bigger in my mind than it was in reality. In reality, it was just a fun run, something to do on a Saturday morning with friends and family. But to me, it was so much more. To me, it was saying, that I had found the courage to do something that I knew I probably wasn't going to be good at but still wanted to do. For me, it was having to face my team mates day in and day out, who are old pros and who probably didn’t understand my unimpressive endurance during practice. For me, it was stepping up to the plate, even though I wasn’t 100% sure I could do it.

Now that I’m beyond the intimidation of the other runners and had my mental breakthrough, I can say that now I am a runner myself. I may not be good yet, but I now know that I can do it. My fellow DAWG friend Howard (Hi Howard!!!) asked me today if I was going to write about this, and so I knew that I had to. I wanted to put it in writing to hopefully share with others, that reaching a goal, isn’t always easy, especially mentally. Sometimes, you learn more about yourself on the path to the goal than you anticipated. And sometimes you tick others off while you’re learning the ropes. But the advice that I’ve gained from all of this is that sometimes you just have to shut up and stop talking about it and just do the work.

Then, over time, you’ll reach your goal. And after you reach it… guess what? You’re off and running to the next one! (like getting legs like Howard's girlfriend Adele!!!)

Breaking through Self Limiting Beliefs

This past weekend I lined up with 3200 other runners in my home town in Winter Park Florida and set off to run a 5K. There were champions from afar and new runners such as myself, old people and children, and everyone was giddy with the prospect of racing together. It was a brisk morning in Central Florida, but the kind that makes you glad you don’t live anywhere else.

For me, it was facing a hurdle to overcome that had blocked me in my mind for years. It was the statement in my mind that told me: I am not a runner.

It all started for me in 9th grade. I was on the track team and raced in the sprints and the hurdles. One day in a track meet, I “hit the wall” and my legs wouldn’t carry me. I kept telling them to move but I saw them slow down almost to a stop and my body wouldn’t move faster than at a snails pace. I didn’t know how to explain to myself, to my coach, or to anyone what had happened, so I naturally assumed that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner.
I’ve carried that mindset with me every day since then.

Fast forward through the years, I watched idly from the sidelines during road races and wished I could be in the game instead of being a spectator. Somewhere inside of me was a deep longing to be a runner, and to be the athlete that I thought I had the potential to be. But when I joined a running team this past fall, I continued to manufacture numerous excuses about my missing the practices and not working hard. It wasn’t until I was running with a more mature runner by the name of Grizz, who told me his story of “hitting the wall” on his 18th marathon 50 yards from the finish line. He explained to me that he got dehydrated and his body shut down and it took several minutes to gain his bearings to be able to reenter the race.

When I heard his story it sunk in that all of those years before I too, had “hit the wall”. I had an immediate vision of what my legs looked like at the moment they stopped performing and the horror that I felt when it happened. Now knowing that I was probably dehydrated and could have fixed that scenario by drinking more liquids, I now knew that I was holding a belief about myself that was based on an untruth. When I look back further into my childhood, I was an outstanding athlete and runner, but having one bad experience made me change my belief system. I went from being a strong and secure athlete to a wimpy and weak minded one.

After I realized that this belief has tarnished my view of myself for all of these years, I realized that the only person holding me back from having a great and in shape body was me. I knew now, that only showing up and putting in the work would get me to the place where I wanted to be. I knew that I had a great team of people who I ran with and a supportive coach who gave me guidance, but it was me who would have to do the work.

I was up for the challenge so I set my sights on the 5K in my home town as my first race. I trained several times a week by running a 3 mile path regardless of how I felt. Finally, I got to the level of endurance where I could do the whole run without stopping. That in itself was a goal that I had.

On race day, I had a goal of coming in under 30 minutes and secretly dreamed for a time of 28 minutes. Sure enough, when I passed the finish line, the time was 28:54 and when my foot hit the pad at the finish line, I put my arms up in victory. The victory wasn’t that I won the race, but only that I had conquered a fear, and had now entered a new phase of life with a new mindset.

Knowing now what I know, that my body is strong and can compete, I’m not satisfied with my time. Being a competitor, I now see how hard I’m going to have to push myself to get my time down to a respectable time. I’m now motivated to become more lean and to build more endurance. I have another time goal in mind and I’m giving myself a year to get there.

This time, because I believe that I’m now a runner, I know I can do it.

What a difference a conversation can make; and what a difference an attitude adjustment can make! Thanks Grizz!

Beautiful Women: The Most Bullied in our Society

Do you know a beautiful woman? Have you spoken with her lately? I don’t mean in a way that is casual, I mean, have you talked to her lately about the other … women! Have you asked her how she gets treated by other women she encounters? Her answer may surprise you… and get ready for an ear full!

In our society, beauty is worshiped. We spend trillions of dollars on our hair, make up, spa treatments and even puffing up our face and our lips so we don’t look as if we’ve aged. The Hollywood types have been sucked into a culture that young is the ONLY way to be, and as a result, reconstruct their faces and their bodies to try to resemble a 25 year old. Unfortunately, many times without success. Some recent examples of faces gone badly would be Michael Jackson, Joan Rivers and even my favorite, Meg Ryan. If the surgeon inserts too much fat in a lip or a check, the tabloids then have a hay day criticizing their recent appearance.

How are these beautiful people treated by the general population? There’s no doubt, beautiful people get better treatment. They receive better customer service and better discounts. People allow them to cut in line and treat them special. But there are also times, where beautiful people are treated horrible. Some of the beautiful people are tortured and treated horribly, by their “so called” friends.

I have a friend named Emily. Emily is a mom of 3 boys and a few years after she had the boys she decided to get into shape. She hired a trainer and got to work in the gym and with her diet. She discovered that the high protein, low carb diet worked well and within 2 months she had dropped 20lbs. She’s kept it off by running and by lifting weights.

This is when the problems started. While her customers admired her and her sales never dropped off, the ladies at the office started making snide remarks behind her back. They seemed to leave her out of afternoon get togethers and lunches out. Emily didn’t understand the dramatic change in the climate. After all she was still pulling in her sales and nothing else had changed. But SHE had changed. She had gone from average to beautiful in a few short months, and the women noticed it and didn’t like it.

Another friend who I coached through her transformation lost her baby weight, added hair extensions and a tan and soon many of the other ladies were following suit and adding hair extensions because they obviously admired her style. They also started tormenting her at work and started spreading vicious rumors about her and her boss. Finally, it got so bad that HR had to be called in and this is what she was told: “we’ve never seen anyone’s reputation so brutally attacked with no reason before and we’re sorry. We don’t see how we can resolve this unless you create a less low profile image.”

My friend ended up quitting.

Even at the golden globes, one reporter made a serious error on camera by chatting and flirting with Donald Trump and leaving his wife in the wings without so much as even a “Hello”. Can you imagine THAT reporter ever being invited to a party at the Trumps? Hardly! Ms. Trump is a former Ms. Universe and was just humiliated on national TV.

Beautiful women seem to be so intimidating to other women that many times, they’re treated horribly even before they open their mouths. Is it the way they hold themselves or is it our own insecurities? When we see a buxom lady showing it off, do we automatically get so annoyed that we immediately put our defenses up? When we zero in on a gal’s forehead that has been botoxed and lazored, do we admire her for wanting to improve or do we internally crucify her for wanting others approval?

Society is continuing to change and upgrade. Those of us who have judgments of others need only to review in their own lives when others have first unfairly judged us. Was there a time where you were judged based on your appearance? Was there a time where anyone was jealous of you for something you did or for something you bought or owned?

Jealousy is a natural emotion that pops up in mysterious ways. It causes people to rage and to turmoil and to treat others ferociously. So here’s an exercise to try: next time you start to be annoyed at someone’s success, stop yourself and ask yourself, what can I do to make them feel good? Can I congratulate them? Can I help them in some way? Can I start a lighthearted conversation with them to find out who this person really is?

When we acknowledge our own insecurities and work to overcome them, we’re the ones who grow and we’re the ones who gain the power. It’s worth it to notice our interactions with others; to improve upon them, and grow as a result.

Next time you’re jealous of another: Acknowledge your insecurity to yourself, say or do something nice for the person you’re jealous of, and then do the best thing you can do: and go do something to improve your mind or learn something new.

The world will be glad you did.

Two weeks to my Goal!

The days are counting down. I committed to running a road race after joining a running team back in September. I’ve trained and I’ve visualized, and now, I’m counting the days.

My goal is to finish. I don’t even have a time that I’m shooting for at this point. I just want to start and finish the race without stopping and walking. It’s only a 5K and millions and millions of Americans have run in races like this, but I never have; and for me to get to this point, it’s truly been a journey.

Back in September, I saw a bunch of eager runners meeting at the YMCA. They all had beautiful runner bodies, the type I’ve always longed to have. They looked happy and I knew that they were high on the fact that they had disciplined their bodies and their minds and because they each had a connection with each other through running and being fit. I wanted to be a part of a group like that, but I didn’t have the courage by myself.

The leader of the group wouldn’t allow me to think like that. John told me that I could do whatever I set my mind to, and that he promised to lend support. I accepted the challenge and joined the group. The first month I was up to running 5-7 miles and he told me to stop pushing myself so hard, that I was going too fast and that I’d end up injured. He was true to his word and on my 7 mile run, I strained a muscle. I then took off for a few weeks and then it was hard to ease my way back into it, but slowly I did.

I’d love to say I’ve been an easy “coachee”, and that I took to running like a fish takes to water, but mostly it’s been a mental struggle with me. I wanted to push myself hard and work out every day, but I kept coming up with excuse after excuse of why I couldn’t do it. Either I was injured, or I was out of town, or working, but I kept finding excuses of why I couldn’t run. Somehow, I kept sabotaging myself and I didn’t know why. Finally, one day I was running the track with a very successful, long time marathoner on my team about how he “hit the wall” during one of his marathons 50 yards from the finish line. He shared with me that his body stopped working, and that he fell against a fence which held him up until he recovered and then he stumbled to the finish line. At that moment, I realized then that when I was younger and on the track team, I also “hit the wall” one day, became dehydrated and even though my mind would work, my legs stopped working. I literally couldn’t move my legs. It was if I was in slow motion and my body just stopped.

I didn’t know that “hitting the wall” was something that can happen to anyone. I just thought from that point on that I wasn’t a runner. I thought that I wasn’t cut out to be a runner and that my body wouldn’t perform to the level that I wanted it to. Therefore, going forward I based my physical performance based on something I learned as a 9th grade student and that particular mindset held me back even as an adult. As I thought back over my high school swimming days, that held me back when we had running workouts. The crazy thing was, was that as an elementary school student, I was always one of the fastest girl runners in the whole school. Year after year, I placed as the top athlete in every athletic activity, including running. I even have a trophy somewhere in a box that I should get out to remind myself that I am a good runner!

When I realized that I had one incident from over 20 years ago that was adversely affecting my mental game when it came to running, I finally realized that I’m on my own path, and that the only way that I could break out of this negativity was one day at a time. My coach has now challenged me to build up my endurance by running 3-4 times a week; 3-4 miles a run, which I’m now doing. For Christmas, I received new running clothes and a watch which is making me feel more and more like a runner. Finally, my runs are getting easier and faster, and now, I’m about to sign up for my first race as I promised to myself.

It’s been a long journey to get to this point. My coach has given me a challenge that I believe that I can achieve and that I am committed to achieving. I’m taking baby steps and not overwhelming myself right now with signing up for a ½ a marathon or a marathon right off the bat. I’m building a base of strength and endurance, and as I grow in my strength, my confidence will continue to build.

I see how endurance takes time and that through one day at a time, I build strength. I see how easily we can defeat ourselves by being afraid or by holding a negative belief inside our minds.

On January 20th, I’ll be lining up with hundreds of other runners to do a 5K; which for them, will be a competition with others to see who goes fastest. For me, it’s a huge win for me to show up and finish; because now, I realize that I’m on the way to doing something that I’ve wanted for so long, but didn’t think I could do. That in itself is a huge accomplishment for me.

So I’d like to ask you… do you have any beliefs about yourself that are holding you back? Do you have something that you really want to do but you’re not sure you can? Do you have any fear standing in your way?

It’s time to rewind your mind, and review the view, to see if you’re the one standing in your own way. The answer may surprise you. And if you discover, like I did, that the reason for your failure was something you believed long ago, it’s time to rediscover your strength and create a new destiny, of you succeeding and achieving your dream.

Best Gifts to Give this Season!

I just came off the road of a 10 city TV tour where I thrilled news audiences everywhere with the hottest trendy gifts of the season! Wherever I went, I became known as the “chocolate lady” because I surprised people in airports and in airplanes with truffles from Lindt Chocolate. To see the faces of people light up is a wonderful gift and it was so fun, I continued it throughout my journey.

The clock is ticking down to the Christmas but my ideas will get anyone over the hump of what to buy that special person or what to buy the person who you want to do something for, but just don’t have the right gift idea! My suggestions are simple, time effective and will be loved upon receipt.

We’ve all done it, and it’s perfectly acceptable and actually a wonderful gift idea. Gift Cards! They could be thought of as impersonal so what I suggest is that you go for Gift Cards that are widely usable. Two that I find that bring a whole experience to the table are Starbucks and Blockbuster.

I like the Starbucks card because it comes in a cute felt card carrying case that looks cute hanging on the tree or in a stocking. The festive cards come in blue or red and have a great feature that makes it the gift that keeps on giving. You can go on line often and use the automatic reload system, and fill up the card monthly or whenever the balance falls below a certain level. Today I was in Starbucks and the manager seemed baffled because there was an article in the Orlando Sentinel because people are memorizing the number on the back of the gift card and apparently calling it in and using it to reissue a card by saying they lost it. What they didn’t know, is that on www.starbucks.com, you can register the card with your name and information and if the card is stolen, Starbucks will freeze the account until another card is reissued. Just to be on the safe side, pick a card from behind the pack, and register it immediately upon returning home.

The Blockbuster card is like giving the gift of Entertainment! I like to put a gift card together with a movie theme, like “Chick Flick Night” or “Scary Night” , and put the gift card in a basket with popcorn, the movie, some candy and a drink and away you go! The idea is that you’re giving a whole night of fun. The Blockbuster cards come with different themes, from holiday themes to the recent movie releases like Happy Feet, Cars or Ice Age. They come in dominations of $15 and $20 for the new release gift cards and the holiday cards can be loaded up to $500. It can be a whole year of entertaining fun!

For families or for people far away, I love giving food and wine for gifts. The reason is that there is no color restrictions, one size fits all, and they’re not going to even think of returning them! For starters, my favorite this year I purchased on line at www.omahasteak.com . When I tell you that you can’t believe the enormous ice chest that is delivered right to the recipients door step chock full of Filet mignon, Steak Burgers, Sirloin Tips, Stuffed sole, baked potatoes and even 2 chocolate cakes, I mean, you can’t believe it! It even comes with a cutlery set and a cutting board, just for kicks. But the clincher is that the whole gift probably delivers several meals to a family of 3-4 and is only $60. It truly is a deal that can’t be beat and if you haven’t had the pleasure of trying an Omaha Steak, you’re missing out. I may be a bit partial, because, after all, I was born in Omaha! But I promise, you won’t be disappointed!

Did you know that it’s been estimated that 50% of American families will be serving wine at the holiday dinner this year? That’s right! We’re finally catching up and actually surpassing the French in our wine consumption! And, you don’t have to be super sophisticated to enjoy a good wine. Napa Valley is truly respected internationally and you can visit a store to read up on a few of the decent labels if you don’t have time to peruse Wine Enthusiast Magazine. You can always ask the clerk at the liquor store as well. I selected a few Cabernets for the trip this year, and my favorites were Sterling Vineyard and a BV Wine. The Sterling I loved is an elegant and refined cabernet, and it was just voted by Wine 7 Spirits Magazine as the top Cabernet by the glass in their restaurant poll. I’ve seen it sold anywhere from $21 to $25. The other Cabernet is from a winery that is an original California Cult Classic, Beaulieu Vineyard Georges De Latour Private Reserve 2003. I had the wine at dinner one night with friends and was hooked. The bottle is sold anywhere from $79-$95 and would be a great addition to anyone’s collection or a nice bottle to share for the holidays with friends and family. Lastly, I brought along a Chardonnay for the white wine drinkers and the Edna Valley Paragon is a nice wine at $12 that anyone would love.

If you plan on sending corporate gifts or goodies this year to anyone, just make sure that you’re purchasing something that is high quality. That way, you don’t have to go overboard, but you’re sure that whatever arrives, will come in a fine style. I have had great luck with Lindt Chocolate. I had a lady debate me in the airport whether it was better than Sees Chocolate but she didn’t seem to turn down the truffle I offered and I must say she enjoyed it immensely. The truth of the matter is, is that there are many fine companies that produce great chocolate but there is something about having a SWISS chocolate be delivered. I went this year for the assorted green box Collection, the truffles, of course, and a gift basket for $150. I have to say that I’ve gained a few pounds on the road this year by having to continue to test the truffles. They come in several flavors and I kept getting confused about which flavor was in which package, so I kept trying them and trying them and trying them. You get the picture, I just wanted to keep eating them. On one of the planes flying to the west coast, the people in the second class cabin where I was got a huge whiff of the smell of warm chocolate cookies which were being baked and delivered for the first class cabin. Low and behold, I took out my truffles and made the people in the surrounding rows around me just as happy!

Last but not least, if you’re planning on decorating cookies this year I have a few tips. You can get a cookie press to save time and mess and I found that Wilton has a great one that is easy to use and fun for kids. Wilton is the company that has all of the flavored tubes of icing and sprinkles, which of course are fun for decorating. The other thing to do, is that you can go to the bakery and buy sugar cookies that are already cut out, to save more time. The fun is in the decorating after all!

This year, I hope that you find these ideas are easy and fun and well received. If you get stuck, if it’s a woman, you can always buy accessories and I have my favorites there as well! But I’ll save that for next time, and in the mean time, happy shopping!!! And if you’re smart, you’ll do it on line before Dec. 20, which is the last day that UPS/FED EX will guarantee that your shipment will arrive to its destination!!

Happy Holidays!!!

Life Changing Movie. Warning! Will Create Miracles!

Okay guys, you know I’ve been into motivation for a long time. But it’s been years since I’ve seen a product that has literally swept a nation like the one that I’m about to tell you about has. Many of you at this point have seen this movie or you happened to see several of the people in the movie on Larry King last week.

I first heard of the movie, The Secret in one of my coaching classes at Coach U a few months ago. Someone mentioned that you could see it on line or order it so I visited the website and thought it looked interesting. I didn’t purchase it at that time but was hoping that I could find someone who had the movie and borrow it from then. Less than a month later, a friend of mine mentioned the movie and I jumped at the opportunity to see it.

I watched the movie over and over and what began to happen in my life was mind boggling. I’ve always known about the concept of the Law of Attraction, but I didn’t always put it into work. The concept is that you first must know what you want, then visualize it, and then take the jump or leap of faith and start feeling like you have it and live in a place of complete gratitude for what you have attracted. That’s the hardest part, but the movie describes how our thoughts are sent into the universe with vibrations and that we’re like a magnet, so we get back what we put out there, for good or for bad.

I started thinking about my TV show that I’ve wanted to host and produce for so long. Within a matter of 1-2 days I received an email from a former executive at a very large production studio in Orlando, requesting that I be linked into his contact base through the internet networking tool. I checked out his other contacts and they were very prominent people in the world of TV. I wrote to this guy and asked if he was SURE he wanted to be linked to me because I was now doing speaking and coaching and wanted to do TV but didn’t have a show right now. He wrote back and suggested we get together for coffee. That meeting has now launched my TV pitch which we’re doing together in January.

Days later, I received an email from my former boss who would be in town although he probably didn’t have time to get together. I suggested a time and low and behold, the time worked out. Within a week, I was now sitting down with one of the top celebrity agents in our country. My show happens to be a celebrity driven show.

Out of the blue, a few days ago, I received a call from a friend who I used to work with at QVC. He and his wife now live in Florida and work with HSN and were looking for TV hosts, contacts, etc. I happen to be traveling to Tampa in a week on my TV tour and promised to call so we can get together.

So many coincidences! I didn’t have to reach out to these people at all. They contacted me. That is the highly unusual part of the whole thing. It was created by my intense belief that this is what I’m supposed to be doing and I’m excited about it and I know that I’m supposed to live my dream.

At this point, there is a convention happening in DC for cable companies and I’m feeling like I should be there with my production team. I’m now considering fund raising, to share my vision for my show and allow them to help me produce this show. It’s a show that will help millions of people and I know that I’m the one to host this show.

Other things are happening, but these are the ones that are happening the fastest. Life is getting more and more exciting, and I’ve now told tons and tons of people about the movie called THE SECRET.
The movie is available at http://www.thesecret.tv/ for $29 and it’s worth every penny. I’ve watched it several times and I’ve ordered one for me now and have bought it for a few people for Christmas. I believe our whole world would change if people would watch and apply the secrets learned in The Secret.

Please email me if you order the film and let me know what sorts of miracles start turning up in your life. I’m excited to know that each of us has a mission and a purpose that drives our dreams and that we are here to serve the world in that capacity. Mine is to do a TV show that will help people get connected to God, to build their self esteem and to help others in the process. But that’s just one of the ways that I’ll do my purpose of helping people. My true role here, as with any of us, is to love and to serve. I just happen to love the venue of Television.

May God bless you on your search and when you watch The Secret, you’ll see what I mean. I can’t wait for your miracles to happen and for your dreams to be brought forth to reality. It is an exciting time. A truly rewarding and exciting time.

The Importance of Self Care

Big week. Very big week. I had some larger than life meetings with some people who can actually help me make my ultimate career dreams come true. It’s exciting and can be overwhelming, but I’ve realized the importance of one thing.

I need to step back and take care of myself when I’m busy. It’s the best thing I could ever do for myself.

Take a client of mine who recently had a launch of her new product. There were the parties and the fund raisers. There were the meetings and the press events. There was excitement, and the fulfillment of a dream that she had been working on for many years. After the big event, she was sick for a month. Colds, flu, congestion, aching, you name it, she had it. And as soon as she got well, she jumped on a plane and did a tour promoting her product. She ran and ran and ran herself into the ground and it’ll be no surprise to anyone to hear, she got sick once again.

Another client I work with dealt with another stressful event which ultimately caused her illness. This lady is a manager and had to cover during work for a few employees who were out with pregnancy and a surgery. My client is completely capable and able to do the jobs of her co workers well, but the stress got to her. She ended up caving and fell ill at the end of her ramped up time. She ended up missing several days of work in a row as a result, which ultimately did not help the department. As a matter of fact, it COST the department. It slowed down the work because of the several sick days.

What these two clients had in common was that they put their work before themselves. They put the goals of their company before their own, and sacrificed over and over until they made the sacrifice of their health. They ended up having to take off a lot of time from work after the fact and their work probably suffered while they were there because both of them worked while they were sick.

Putting ourselves first often sounds selfish. It sounds like we’re self important or too good to work too hard. Nothing can be further from the truth. If we value the company or our work, we’ll value ourselves first. If we take care of ourselves, we’ll be strong for our company. If we take care of ourselves, we won’t get sick after the busy time, or stressful times.

Taking care of ourselves means different things to different people. To me, it means getting in exercise several days a week and eat healthy foods. It means getting lots of down time, to be alone and to read and write. To me, it means getting to spend time laughing and playing with my son and reading to him or drawing with him. To me, it means connecting with my husband and getting to hear about his daily events that take place. It also means, connecting with my family and my friends via phone or in person. Lastly, it means that I have prayer time, and complete quiet time where I can just listen.

I find when I do these things, and take great care of myself, and have a lot of time just alone or being with my close circle of friends and family, I feel more productive. I’m more creative, and I’m happier. I feel more centered, and more balanced. I lose the anxiety, and the stress. I can also handle more stress because I feel stronger.

It’s taken me years to find the formula that works for me. I know immediately when I’m out of balance. I start losing things and my clothes pile up in my closet. My desk gets overly cluttered and my house looks messy. I start getting a bit pudgy and my clothes feel tight. My nails and my hair start to look worn and I don’t feel the inner spark that I love to share with others.

So like today, in the midst of my excitement, I took the morning off to spend with my dog. She needed me. She had a cough. So I took her for a walk. I read my bible and I wrote in my journal. I spoke with my mom a few times and emailed and called a dear old friend. I spent time out on my porch just reading and soaking in the sun shine. Later, even after work, I felt good. I handled some “parental stress” that is a part of a working mom’s day such as dinner, bath time and assisting getting a splinter of a screaming child's hand. I handled it all with grace and ease. I felt fine that even though there was a bit of chaos around me, it didn’t affect me. I was in the flow and it felt right.

When we finally get this lesson about taking good care of ourselves, we’ve usually already done it wrong for a good many years. I sure did. I used to live on adrenaline and was a complete junky. As a result, I never felt really good. I was overweight and out of shape. And, I’d prefer to not go back there.

So to challenge yourself, just review for yourself what YOU need to do to feel good about yourself. Do you need exercise? Do you need a special meal? Do you need to bask in the sunlight or get a massage? Whatever it is, make it happen. Trade massages with someone else if you have to, but figure it out.

Your body will thank you. Your mind will thank you. And ultimately your life will thank you, and reward you, just for taking care of yourself.

When Someone Misjudges You or Treats you Rude

Okay, I know that first impressions are important, but I also know that I’ve grown enough in my self esteem to let my hair down every once in a while and let my own inner confidence say that I’m okay with myself. Usually, the fact that I’m able to speak up and talk with anyone is an asset, and people tend to respect me and are friendly back. Today, I wasn’t so lucky and I got to feel what it feels like to be ignored, and to be treated rude. And I was incredibly fascinated by my response.

Today after a slow 3 mile run with my running team, I ran into a gal that I swam with back in high school. This particular gal and I were on the same team but she was a few years older so we weren’t really friends. I don’t even remember what she was like at all in high school really, I just remember her always being cute, trim and fit.

I have seen her once since moving back to my home town and I only waved to her from my car when I stopped and said hello for a quick minute. Today, we had about 5 minutes together and from what I could see, she could barely stand it.

Let me just set the scene. Today I woke up with a massive head ache but decided to run anyway. I didn’t feel like putting on any make up because I felt horrible and it was asking a lot of myself just to get out there and even attempt a run today. Usually, I do put on a bit of make up, and try to look decent, but today was a bit different. I just didn’t care. I’ve also been off for over a week with a muscle injury, so I knew I’d have to go slow today. Still, I did the 3 miles, and finished up happy.

This gal was with two other ladies. They were all decked out in their cute running attire and looked like models on the run way. I quickly admired their “look” and wandered over to say hello to my former swim team mate. I think she took one look at my non botox head and my colorless lips and was horrified to acknowledge in front of her beautiful friends that she might actually know this gal without botox! Within minutes, in my usual friendly way, I had pulled her, although reluctantly, into a small talk situation. She politely answered my questions but I could feel her anxiousness of wanting to move along. At one point, I knew that she was trying an intimidation tactic of ignoring me, so I threw a little zinger in there and told her friend, “yes, we swam together in high school, but she was SO much older than me.” I said it playfully and with a smile. Her response? “Ohhhh, WHATEVER”. Hardly the nice response!

So, I then laughed and asked, “so, do you work or are you leading a lovely life of luxury?” Again, I asked with a smile and in a friendly way, knowing now that I was going to force her to either be 100% rude to me, or to snap out of it and be nice. She answered what she did and when I asked if she knew a friend of mine, she answered, “there are a lot of us here”, and trying to get her friend to help her out of this awful conversation!

At that point, her friend picked up on something I had said and started talking to me about her husband and his swimming and how he got burned out. She and I had a nice exchange, which told me, I probably didn’t have mascara smeared all over my face and that it probably wasn’t anything about my “look” that was disgusting.

That was the break that we needed and then the conversation was over. I left feeling sorry for this gal, who had no idea what I had blossomed into as an adult and I assumed she was still judging me on who I was to her in high school. I didn’t even mention that I do TV or speak or anything of that nature, because that would look like I was trying to win her approval, when really, all I was attempting to do was to be polite for the 2-5 minutes of our conversation.
I have no idea how she judges others, whether she was having a horrible day, or if she’s just not a nice person who has no tolerance for people outside of her circle. It’s possible that because I’m a part of a life she’d rather forget, that she may ignore and treat all of the former swimmers with distain. It’s possible that because I wasn’t my usual cute self and she assumed that I was the type of gal who didn’t take good care of myself, that she didn’t’ feel the need to be nice. I suppose I’ll never know.

But what I do know, is that are small, very short interactions with other people are important. Because if we’re having an off day, and we treat another person rudely, the other person is going to notice. And they’re probably going to fell bad and question what happened? I did. I’m at the point in my life that now I can take that situation and learn from it and share the experience with others. While I did wonder what it was about me that repulsed her, I also know that it doesn’t matter. It could be my “look”, my clothes, my outgoing personality, my lack of botox, my reputation, or her annoyance of me from high school, and it really doesn’t matter. I know that there are some people that we will like, and others, we don’t. I am not taking it personally. But if I am to live with the Golden Rule as my motto of “Do unto others as you would have done unto you,” I’d have to say I’d probably want the person to realize that I was having a bad day, and that I didn’t mean it and it was about me, and not them.

Also by knowing your purpose, it’s easier to blow it off or to forgive someone for an indescretion. I now know my purpose, and my purpose is to bring joy and to bring encouragement to people every day. That doesn’t mean only the people that I love, but just whatever people who I come in contact with every day. Even the ones who don’t like me. And the Bible also teaches to “Love your enemies as yourself”. So now I have to ask myself, how could I have brought my “enemy” joy or encouragement? Can I say a prayer on her behalf? Could she really be living a joyful life herself if she’s treating others rudely? What could I have done or said to help her understand, that life is short and we’re supposed to live life fully and abundantly and that people come in and out of our lives to teach us something? What could I have done or said to make her life better? These will be questions that I will have to contemplate, and practice and hopefully, one day, when I’m treated rudely again, I won’t pass automatic judgments but I will ignore it, and love them anyway.

A Defining Moment in My life

Watching Oprah on rerun tonight was a great reminder that all of us have defining moments in our lives. Oprah highlighted Glamour Magazines’ contest of Reel Moments, by Real Women and showed the Hollywood actors and famous women who directed their first films. She showed clips of many of the short films about the contest winners life changing moments.

Of course we all remember major events such as when we met our spouse or when we had our babies, but what about the moments that were ours and ours alone? What about the moments that challenged the very core and the every existence of our being?
I recently had such a moment.

I have lived much of my adult life running from event to event, from moment to moment. I prided myself as being one of the fastest walkers in NY when I lived there, which meant that I was beating all of the other Type A’s when racing to the next meeting. I’ve lived with constant anxiety and stress and lived the life of cramming as much in a day as I could, often at the expense of my family. I was an email junkie and got that adrenaline rush like a junkie who needs a hit when emails arrived. I suppose in my mind, I thought that the emails from friends were little messages that told me that I was important or that someone cared. That addiction took me away from the people who really cared, mainly, my family. Thank God, I had a miraculous intervention!

I believe that there are some people in life that you’re supposed to meet at a certain time. My only regret about meeting Inevette was that I didn’t meet her sooner. But God’s timing is perfect and He must have known that I was supposed to hear the message that His messenger was to bring me.

A few weeks ago, Inevette and I made an appointment to walk on a Friday morning. On that particular Friday morning, I had the weight of the world resting on my shoulders. Every decision I had to make was earth shattering, and I didn’t feel I had the strength to deal with all of the issues that were facing me. On our walk, I tried not to trouble Inevette with my worry and my frustration, but in our natural course of talking, the real story tumbled out. I shared with her what was going on in my life and my husband’s life, and with my son. I shared everything with her because I knew somehow, she’d understand and perhaps offer a word of encouragement. What I got instead was a suggestion that we go walk in the local cemetery.

As we turned into the gate, she spread her arms out and told me to take a look around. I stopped and took in the sights of the thousands of plots with flowers covering the gravesites. What she said, shook me to my core. She said, “Mary? All of this running you’re doing? Well, here is what you’re running to. We all are. This is where you’re going to end up. Sooner or later, you’re going to end up here.

At that moment, it was like I got the wind sucked right out of me. I started to say something but no words would come. I just looked at the plots and realized, she was right. And who knew when my day, or anyone’s day for that matter, would come. One day, I’ll probably be buried right here in the Glen Haven Cemetery. What a shocker THAT was!


She continued to challenge me. Are all of these things I’m obsessing about really important? Is it really going to matter in the long run if I make a wrong decision or not? No! What really matters is how I live my life, and if I’m living with all of this stress, the only side effect is that I’ll be hittin’ that ol’ gravesite a heck of a lot earlier than I’d have to otherwise.

As we continued to walk and talk, I felt the stress release from my body. I made a decision to relax and enjoy the ride a bit more. I knew that the real me wasn’t supposed to be so stressed. I’m a gal who enjoys laughing and having fun. I’m the girl who can make a party out of waiting in line at the grocery store or dry cleaners with a bunch of complete strangers, and I had let a lot of that girl go and had replaced her with a stressed out, anxiety ridden, wound up working mother toting around all of the weight of the world.

How I’ve changed since then? I’m choosing to have faith instead of being flustered. I’m calmly walking through life and have chosen to and AM laughing more. Today I took the whole day and played with my 6 year old son, and found that he has the most amazingly delightful and hysterically funny personality. Today, we played store together, went bike riding, and swimming, and just enjoyed spending time with each other. Of course, I deeply regret, the many years he’s experienced of me as a stressed out mama. But, I’m now hoping I can make up for lost time and I’m dedicated to spending more quality time with him, to be a better helpmate to my husband. We’ll still honor the work we do, and do the best we can, with the best attitude we can. And, we’ll have fun in the process!

Walking through the cemetery changed my mind, my focus and my attitude. I woke up and realized.. I WANT TO LIVE!!! I’m here on earth to live abundantly, and to live my life fully. And now, I want to share that message of living life fully and completely, with the world.

Hitting the First Milestone of a Goal: How Good it Feels!

A few weeks ago I sheepishly walked by a bunch of talkative, happy people who all had great legs, cute running shorts and shoes, and who genuinely seemed to care about one another. I longingly looked at the group and remembered how fun it was to be a part of a group like that. I was a Masters Swimmer up until last year when I lived in Charlotte, NC; and while I loved the camaraderie more than the practices, I continued to show up and eventually got in shape.

This group was different! They were runners! This was the type of group that has always intimidated me. But still, I wanted to belong and I knew I wanted to run.

That day, I happened to ask one of the trainers at the YMCA who that group was, and rather than just tell me, he WALKED me out to find the Founder of the group. Within seconds, I was being invited to join in on the fun. Of course, as with any goal that a person sets, there is a certain amount of fear involved, so of course the next day when I showed up, the intimidation welled up inside of me and I quickly ducked my head as I walked by John, the coach, and sauntered into the Y so I wouldn’t be noticed. As anyone who is crying out for support, I emailed John that day and explained my fear through excuse after excuse. “I’m not good enough, I’m out of shape, You’re all so fast, yada, yada, yada”. John, in his ultimate wisdom and brilliant coaching style, gently coaxed me into just showing up and doing what I could. But, he made me PROMISE to show up, and that was exactly what did it for me. I showed up! Now I was hooked!

The first few weeks have been hard. My body hasn’t worked this hard in a long time. I’m tired, but in a good way. I’ve even sweat so much that I had to ring out my clothes after I ran. I am starting to feel the strength build, and I have the desire to start eating better because I’m starting to notice how my body feels now. It’s strange, but when you aren’t in shape, you just don’t notice your body that much in how it moves and how it feels. When you start to notice it, and start to notice that the muscles are being worked, you start to believe that if you work it harder, it’ll continue to get stronger. So you push just a little more every time.

Over these past few weeks, I’ve had to face the disgusting fact that I let myself get out of shape. I have had to admit it to myself that I’ve succumbed to the horrible American diet which is carb based and that my body is probably not as healthy as it could be. I’ve realized that I’ve been lazy but I also now see that I can get support when I’m weak and when I’m around people who are better than me, who have achieved more than me, there is a certain hope that begins to emerge. After a few of these runs, just getting a “good job today Mary” from my coach keeps me eager to strive for more. When I hear from the other runners “keep going Mary”, I want to do better! It’s been their encouragement that has kept me going, even when I knew I was by far the worst runner in the pack.

This helps me understand how absolutely important that it is for each of us, as parents, to never criticize our kids when they really aren’t living up to our standards. We have to share with them that they can keep going, they can do it, they’re strong, and they’re going to be great. I understand now, because it’s the faith of others in us that literally carries us when we have absolutely no belief in ourselves.

My goal is to run a ½ a marathon. My coach believes I can do more. I’ve seen his faith and encouragement carry me to new heights already because today I ran a longer distance than I’ve ever run in my life…. even without walking!!! I ran with two amazing women, Juliette and Susan, (AKA, Grinner and Fluffy), who ran a slow but steady pace, but we ran just over 5 miles, which had been my previous record. We ran 5.3 miles today.

So today, I’m feeling great. I’m moving towards a goal that has always intrigued me, but terrified me. I knew in my heart that I wanted it, but that I didn’t have the mental toughness to do it. What I didn’t realize, is that I can borrow the faith and toughness from my new friends, and just count on my legs to do what my friends tell me they can do.

Today, I’m moving towards a personal goal and it feels great. I’m starting to have a tiny bit of faith on my own now, that I can continue to grow stronger and will be able to achieve my goal. I know that many hills, muscle aches and sweaty days are ahead, but if today is any indication, so are many inspiring conversations, goals being achieved and the incredible richness of having good friends.

How a Young Death Can Transform a Life

Two young men, at opposite ends of the country, gone. Both were complete champions in life, the type that everyone loved to be around, they were the type that were successful at everything they did, and were champions in their sports and in their hobbies. Both of their deaths, shook the very core of the communities in which they lived, and now the parents, and their friends are left trying to piece their lives back together.

These two young men have transformed my life. I’ve learned more from their deaths about how we are supposed to live, than any other event that has occurred to me in a long time.

One of them, Nathan Timmes, was a 20 year old Eagle Scout, and the nephew of a high school friend, was a motorcycle racer, mountain climber, pilot, sky diver, white water rafting exciting young man who was studying aviation in college. He died earlier this year in a car accident. This young man lived his life completely fully. He did everything by giving 100%. He loved his friends, his hobbies and his family with complete intensity. At the funeral, they displayed dozens of pictures of him on top of mountains, jumping out of planes, on motorcycles, with his friends, always experiencing out door adventure, above everything, he lived without fear, and always, loving life. To remind me of how I should live every day, I’ve kept his picture from the funeral on my bulletin board. This young boys’ life, which I found out by because of his death, transformed me.

The other boy, Dan Lunger, the son of a high school friend, was a state champion swimmer who had just made junior nationals. He was also an eagle scout, and the type of person that loved life as much as anyone could. His dad, Howard told me on the phone from Colorado yesterday, that his son had experienced true love, the gift of friendship, the gift of being a champion and that he wasn’t afraid to give his dad a hug in front of his buddies. At the funeral, dozens of kids who knew this boy Dan, went up to his parents and told them story after story of how friendly Dan always was and how he always took time to say Hi and to care about everyone, even if they weren’t in his circle of friends. He attracted the “Jocks to the Goths”, and everyone, everywhere, was touched by his zest for life. This 16 year old boy, who I never met, has affected my life in ways I never knew he could.

Yesterday, I spent 45 minutes on the phone with my friend Howard, and as he told me the stories of his son Dan, and how an undetected heart ailment stole his young life within minutes. While on the phone and hearing the tragic story, I got a glimpse of his extraordinary life in Colorado. Howard told me how many, many lives were touched by just a friendly “hello” every day, or by the easy attitude he had about his grades, or even about his sport that he loved, swimming. Dan didn’t get weighed down by the normal stresses of life, and he attempted to bring a friendly conversation or a little comfort to whoever he met, whether it be in class, or at a swim meet with his biggest competitor.

I don’t know if the parents of these boys will ever understand how God could allow their incredible young lives to end so suddenly. It’s got to be the most painful thing in the world to see your child die. But both families, somehow, were given amazing grace, to stand up and speak with each person who told them of how their son personally effected their lives.

My friend Howard told me that no one will ever get a true glimpse of a person’s life, until they die. People that he’d never met came to the funeral to share their stories of Dan and his life and what he meant to others. Over and over, Howard and his wife were just stunned of the impact that their 16 year old had on others. He lived the way we’re supposed to live.

When I think about my life, of how I’ve worried about the smallest things, or have obsessed over my career, or about the car I drive or the clothes I wear, I realize that I’m wasting my precious energy. I believe that God has us here on earth, to love others. Period. That’s our job. We are to do that through our work, and by being a good neighbor, by being a devoted wife, mother, friend, spouse, sister, brother, or whatever the different roles that we play. It’s the people that are important. It’s the people’s lives that we touch that are important. We are supposed to live life fully, by going out and experiencing it and not being fearful of it. We’re supposed to support one another, to we are supposed to tell others that we care for them. We are supposed to love our neighbors as our selves, and we are supposed to love and serve God above all else. To me, that means to serve Him by serving others. It means that my attitude at all times, is the most important thing going on at the moment. If I encounter a stressful moment, the most important thing is the attitude of peace and comfort that should accompany that stressful moment.

None of us are promised another day. A car accident or an undetected heart problem or something else could take us from the earth on this very day. And what would the streams of people say at our funerals? Would they say that we were well loved and always seemed to bring comfort or a kind word to others, or would they say simply to the survivors, “I’m sorry for your loss?”

How are we affecting the people we meet each day? Are we meeting others with a smile and a kind word, or with a stressful glance as we hurry on by. Are we taking the time to share with people or are we too busy to care? Are we saying “I love you” to our friends and families when we walk away or hang up the phone? Or are we consumed with how much extra weight we’re carrying around or what outfit to wear to an upcoming reunion?

I’ve been guilty of having the wrong attitude and have focused on the wrong things. But I see these two young mens’ lives, and now deeply understand the truth about my own life. We all have a purpose. We’re here to love, and to serve. Through our serving others, we glorify God, and by sharing ourselves deeply with others we give each other comfort. God uses us to help others, and we in turn are inspired by others. We’re all connected. That’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Today, these two young men, continue to live on in our hearts and minds. Their lives gave love to many when they lived, and in their death, they give hope. I pray that their families know that their lives served a great purpose, even in their deaths.

Their untimely deaths, inspired many to develop a new life. Their deaths encourage us to live a life without fear, and lives filled with adventure, fun, happy times, acceptance, calmness, friendship and love. It all seems so familiar now. It’s happened before, and perhaps this was a current day reminder. Two thousand years ago, God the Father, gave his Son to die for our sins, so that we might have a new life and that we might have it abundantly. Even today, he shows us how to live our lives. It all makes sense to me now.

As we are reminded of their lives and deaths, we can chose to live our lives fully, and we, can be free.

The Feeling of Terror: The Start of a New Goal

I admit it. It terrifies me. I’ve committed to a new goal.

This shouldn’t be so difficult. After all, I’ve visualized this for years and years. I saw this person in my mind that could do this particular activity well and was in tip top shape to do it. Yet, the other day, when I showed up to do this particular thing, I chickened out, and was intimidated by those around me who made this thing look so easy, and they had no nerves about them at all. They were laughing and joking like it was the most natural thing in the world, and I stared at the group, and then slowly slipped by them into oblivion. I admit it, I didn’t have the guts.

But now? I’ve faced my fears. I told the coach that I really wanted to do it but was nervous about whether I could really do it and he has convinced me that I can; and now? I’ve done it. I’ve actually done it.

I’ve joined a running club!

I know, I know, I can hear you now! What’s the big deal? Grab a pair of running shoes, hydrate your body and go for a run. I know, I do it all the time too. But what I have just committed to was regular coaching, time trials, regular workouts, and a team of other runners who will keep me going even when I want to quit. And if I know myself, I know that might be more often than most.

I have always prided myself on being an athlete. I was always one of the fastest kids in elementary school and had trophies to prove it! I was a competitive swimmer and made it to state meet in high school and placed in the top 12 of my stroke. I was on a nationally ranked medley relay team and actually swam in the lane next to Tracy Caukins, the amazing All- American swimmer in the 80s. (I said in the LANE next to her, not NEXT to her!)

Even now, I feel athletic. I go to the YMCA and do my workouts several times a week. I was a member of a masters swim team for a few years and diligently showed up at 5:30am practice 3-4 days a week. And I go for runs in my neighborhood to break a sweat.

Why is this different? Well, have you ever looked at something with those wishful eyes, knowing in your heart that it could be you, it should be you, yet there is something holding you back? Have you ever seen someone accomplish the exact goal that you set out to do, but something happened that didn’t allow you to complete your goal? Did you feel the jealousy? Did you feel the pain? Did you feel the envy? Or how about the anger at yourself for not doing it! Then, come the excuses and then, nothing. For me, it’s always been a lame attempt to achieve a goal that I thought just wasn’t meant to be. I did a few small races, and trained for some triathlons, but never ran in a race where I was really competing. I didn’t feel like I could do it well, so I didn’t even try.

Years ago, I remember standing in NYC on the first New Years Eve that we lived there, watching all of the runners dressed up in crazy costumes, ready to do the midnight 5K run. They had groups of people from all over the city, office workers who banded together to support one another on this wacky and fun night, all running together. I stood by many times watching the NYC Marathon runners, and the ones that brought tears to my eyes were the ones that finished 12, 15 and 20 hours later. They were the ones who were walking with prosthetics, or were blind, or walking to prove that they could still compete in the existence we know as life. I watched with utter respect, amazement and awe, and always wanted it to be me.

I stood on the sidelines, wishing.

And now? I’ve committed to give it my best shot. I’ve committed to show up and run with this committed group of runners a few times a week, even if I’m the last one to finish. My coach is an avid runner with such enthusiasm for the sport and for other people, that he makes it even sound fun! He won’t stand for an attitude of anything but positive, so I’m now recharging my thoughts with positive messages that I’ll call upon when I’m in pain and want to quit.

Today, I’m facing the terror. Tomorrow I face the stop watch.

And one day, I’ll be writing the day before my first race. By then, I’ll have hopefully put in many miles on my shoes, and I’ll be facing my nerves from a different place. My body will be ready to meet the miles with strength and endurance. My goal of a ½ a marathon may turn into something more.

But now, its one day at a time. I’m facing the fear and doing it anyway.

This time, it feels good.

.

9/11

Yesterday was the 5th year anniversary of 9/11. As a former New Yorker who was in NY on that awful day, I can look back with the sadness that has filled every one of our hearts, but also with great awe of some things that happened that day. The day was also filled with thousands upon thousands of stories of miracles and people who knew that they were saved from disaster.

Remembering back to the day, I was watching Katie and Matt on TV when the whole thing happened. The first thing I did was to call my husband who was in midtown working for Morgan Stanley. I told him to turn on the TV and when they did, they all knew within minutes that thousands of other workers from their company were in the towers and watched in horror knowing that some of them could have perished. My own husband had an offer to work in the towers for Morgan Stanley in a different department. Somehow, he ended up in the mid town offices instead. That decision may have saved his life.

I regularly was a trainer for a Wall Street firm who held our trainings at Windows of the World. I wasn’t working that day, however, I had a friend, Monica, who was supposed to be at a writers conference that morning at Windows of the World. She decided not to attend the conference that day. That simple decision probably saved her life because most of the people who were at the conference perished.

Days after the towers collapsed, nearly everyone I spoke with had a similar story. I spoke with one man, Bill Throurlby, the original Marlboro man, who said a guy came up to him and said, “Mr. Throurlby, you saved my life! I remember hearing your words that morning in my head from an earlier speech you gave, that ‘successful people are busy people’ so I left the Towers and went to a meeting about 10 minutes before the disaster. Had I stayed, I could have died.”

Another friend was frantically looking for his roommate that day but he decided to be late to work that day and never even made it in. That decision probably saved his life.

There were literally thousands of these stories from people who were supposed to be there that day, and for some reason, they didn’t go to work, or were going in late. The numbers of death could have reached 20,000, yet somehow, only 2700+ died. It is 2700 too many of course, and we’ll never forget the terror of watching the towers come down. We’ll never forget hearing the voices of the scared workers who were trapped in a burning building and we’ll never forget the firefighters who gave their lives saving others.

I’ll never forget the thousands of flyers posted at Grand Central Station, trying to find the men and women that were missing, or the millions of flowers that were placed at the fire station around the corner from our apartment. I’ll never forget how thousands of helpless people ran to stand in line at the Red Cross to donate blood, hoping to help someone, somehow, during this meaningless tragedy.

That day will forever be scarred in my memory. Upon seeing my friends appear at the apartment grounds and the scared look in their eyes and the dust on their clothes, I remember feeling gratitude and thanking God that they were alright. I remember feeling loved and prayed for when hundreds of emails flooded my mailbox from friends all over just checking on me to make sure I was alright.

Since that time, a good friend who volunteered day and night to pass out food to the workers has now developed cancer. She’s one of many that probably has lingering physical effects of that day, whereas most of us endure the emotional scars.

As I reflect back to that day, I pray for all of the victims’ families who are left wondering why their loved ones didn’t make it back safe. I pray that God will bring them comfort and that one day, they’ll feel that there was a bigger purpose at stake, but we must never forget to pray for their comfort.

9/11 brought sorrow, tears and pain, but it also brought gratitude, comfort and joy to others who somehow made it out alive. We’ve all changed since then. We’re not so naïve, and we’re not so blind to the evil in the world. We’re stronger because we know that we have to fight for what we believe in, and with that belief, comes sacrifice.

9/11, forever in our memory, and in our hearts.

May God Bless America.

The Employee with a Chip on His Shoulder… Harms the Whole Company!

Every once in a while you come across an individual who has an entitlement attitude. They feel that they’re blessed with unusual ability that far exceeds the rest of God’s creatures and that the people they’re forced to deal with are just mere servants that should be catering to them. If this sounds familiar to you, you’re not alone.

This week I was calling upon a new customer and he had been used to dealing with our president and so speaking with me seemed to be lower than low. He cut me off in the conversation numerous times and kept telling me that I was making assumptions that weren’t correct. He was condescending and arrogant and I kept thinking to myself how his attitude wasn’t going to gain any bonus points with me!

My tactic was to slow down and listen to his opinions with as much intensity and understanding as I could possibly muster up. But even before that, I apologized for stating to him that some of the information that I needed to gather from him was administrative in nature and that anyone could deliver it to me. That’s when the hairs on the back of his neck must have flown up because he came back to me and said, “and you think that I’m an administrative person?” I quickly apologized and said, “no, of course not! I’m just saying that some of the information I need isn’t complicated, and that anyone can get it to me.” It was that statement from which he judged me going forward and from that moment on, he was unbelievably difficult to deal with as a person. He obviously viewed life from a place where he felt judged, so he treated me like I was judging him. I was not, I was merely asking for assistance from him.

Each of us have had momentary encounters with other human beings that are just not that great. We’ve all been in a place where we aren’t in the best situation and our attitude isn’t the best. Perhaps we didn’t take our Noni juice or Stress B Gone juice that morning, and we’re not the most “happy go lucky” individual every moment of the day. Or perhaps we are stressed and just too busy to stop and be personable with every person that we meet. Unfortunately, when we have about 3-10 seconds to create a first impression and the impression isn’t a good one, then we have to make it up by spending about 2 ½ positive hours winning that person back.

This individual who spoke down to me is a customer. That means that he deserves my respect and my courtesy. But that does NOT mean that he can run all over me and pound me into the ground. I’ve given him the first round and was gracious and promised to provide a wonderful service. But at this point, I see what sort of “stellar” human being he is and it’s not that pretty! He’s the type who is unable to just get a job done, regardless of what his title is. He’s caught up with his own impression of himself that he is too important to pitch in and help where the help is needed. This sort of attitude is hurtful for his company. He’s likely to lose a good vendor because of his condescending attitude, and certainly any of the perks that could have come along with having a great rapport. He’s also unlikely to receive any price breaks if there are any, or to receive upgrades that we might give to our valued customers.

People with chips on their shoulder should know that people are watching how you treat your vendors. People watch how you treat service individuals and whether or not you treat others with respect. People are watching you on the job, and they can tell if you’re a hard worker or just getting by with the least amount as possible. If you’re lazy, talking too much on the phone, spending too much time on the internet or emails, or if you won’t jump in when work needs to be done, you’re not going to be respected much, and you’re not going to be well liked by your co-workers even if they act like your friends. Trust me, they’re talking behind your back, and planning your demise. You’ll also lose business, which translates into money, which can translate into freedom. And hopefully, you’ll lose your job and continue to do so until you wake up and learn what makes a good employee.

I want our company to be known for its incredible service. I want to have a product that is second to none and I want our customers to be raving fans. It’s taking hard work, long hours and some personal sacrifice, but I’m excited to be a part of a team who cares enough to make our company great. One day I’ll have enough customers who want to work with us that I won’t HAVE to take everyone that comes along. And that is when I’ll be in the position to tell those customers who don’t quite fit our profile that they’d be better served by someone else.

Until that day, I’ll suck it up, make nice, and focus on the many customers I have who are delightful and respectful and who make me get up in the morning. Those people are great and make my job fun.

And in the meantime, to all of the “Mr. and Ms’ Chips on your Shoulder”… get off your high horse, crop a good attitude and work hard. You’re in the way of many productive and great people who want to do a good job and serve the company. You’re a drag to your employer and to many people around you.

You can make changes by deciding to work hard when no one is watching. You can decide to make each day count and you can decide that you want to serve others to make their lives better. You can decide to think about others instead of just yourself, and you can decide to sacrifice your bad attitude for the benefit of the company at whole. If you do this, you’ll quickly become a valued member of the team, and then we’d welcome you back with open arms.

Please Mr. Chip, you can make the changes. Decide right now that you’re making a change. Each day will get better and better until you realize, that you have changed. And that is when you have become a valued member of your company, your industry, and of our world.

Florida: Before the Storm

Central Florida is preparing for a hurricane. The stores have stocked up on water and the newscasts are updating their weather reports every hour. It’s a nerve wracking time for a newbie so I thought I’d jot down a few observations.

I moved back to Central Florida last year after being away for 20 years. We haven’t had any hurricanes as of yet but it seems that we are facing the possibility of one now.

Preparing for a hurricane is like getting ready for a crazy aunt that is going to visit. You have to get special food, and set your house up just right so she doesn’t inconvenience anyone. You have to get the yard fixed, extra food and do all of the laundry just in case you’re busy entertaining and can’t do any when she comes.

The attitude of our neighbors greatly differs depending upon who you speak with at that moment. When I was in a local news station the other day, there was buzz of the impending storm and with any “news” that might hit at any moment, the whole newsroom is thrown into an unusual amount of chaotic activity. Let me just say, if you aren’t an adrenaline junkie, then you shouldn’t work in a newsroom. They thrive on intense situations and all seem to be cool under pressure. That’s when they’re at their best.

As for me, the new gal in town, when I heard about the storm, I dropped everything and headed to the store. I stopped to ask my neighbor if she needed anything and she nonchalantly mentioned that they had plenty of everything and didn’t need anything. When I’ve talked about hurricane’s before, I’ve heard that our neighborhood gets together for hurricane parties and has a ball. The neighbors across the street own an electrical company so they provide anyone in the neighborhood with power if they have an extension cord that is long enough. It relieves the stress about having no air conditioned during the tropical heat that the fall season brings.

When I got to Walmart, I didn’t feel the electricity that you sometimes feel before some tragedy, or massive event. I did see lots of people possibly getting ready for the storm and lots of them were buying water and paper products and canned goods, but there was plenty of regular shopping going on too. One gentleman casually asked if I was preparing for the hurricane. It didn’t seem to be a surprise to know that I was “new” in town. I guess I had more of that look of, “I’m going to fight this thing come hell or high water.” Generally, most of the others who have probably lived here longer than me, weren’t as worked up about it.

My own mother admitted that she’s praying that no one gets hit this year. She’s painfully aware of what hardships they went through a few years ago during the summer of 2004 when they were hit back to back to back. They went without electricity for over a week and she doesn’t want a repeat of that.

I spoke with my good friend Debbie Benton who left Central Florida recently to go back home to New Orleans after they lost their home last year and she said that they’re all feeling that one hurricane could just send them all over the edge mentally. I’m sure many of them are praying like crazy too. Come to think of it, if all of us pray that we all get a break this year, perhaps that extra focus on keeping us all out of harms’ way will encourage the Good Lord to spare us all this year.

Hurricane season isn’t the most fun but our life here is pretty glam outside of the pending weather. Florida is destined to become the third most populated state in the next 10 years and I certainly see the attraction. It’s got great weather 11 months out of the year, beautiful beaches, a laid back attitude and even decent shopping.

So this week, keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Even though the natives are used to these alerts, I think they’d rather not have the visitor this year. Three crazy aunts that visited a few years ago are about three too many!