Let’s face it. People aren’t very good at returning calls these days. If you don’t have something they want right then, often times the calls take a back seat to the more pressing matters at hand.
In business, it seems to be less offensive than in one’s personal life. In business, if someone doesn’t return calls it is usually because the person isn’t quite ready to do business. Perhaps they haven’t made a decision or they are working on another project. Perhaps they don’t want or need your services and so they’re saving face by not returning the calls. Casual persistence is the best way to handle these people. And dropping a hand written note with valuable information is always a good tactic. Sometimes, by adding enough value you are able to charm the person into returning or taking your calls. A rule of thumb though is to NEVER, EVER make them feel guilty for not returning the calls. It’s best to pass it off and never mention it again. It’s past history!
In personal life, the “not returning calls (or emails) syndrome” takes on a whole new meaning. It’s personal, and it hits you more at a core level. It’s YOU they are rejecting, not your BUSINESS!!!
Lets say for instance that you’ve talked about getting together socially with someone for quite some time. Finally, you offer up a few days and expect to get the time set up and meet within a short amount of time. Yet, the email or call never comes back and you begin to wonder, “What did I do?” Potentially you mentally rehearse your last few conversations to see if there was something that could have been misconstrued. Then your mind starts playing tricks on you and sometimes leads you to believe that something you said wasn’t communicated correctly, or perhaps the person ran into someone else who told them that you were talking about them. Or, perhaps you were too scatterbrained when you last spoke and the person no longer wants to be friends. You are bound and determined to put forth a good face to them “next” time, even though your life is crumbling apart.
Ahhhhhhh!!! Now the obsession takes over and you can’t stop thinking about it and wondered what you did wrong?
STOPPPPPPP!!!
Isn’t it funny what our thoughts can do to us? They can rip us to shreds quicker and faster than anyone else can imagine. They can pull us down and force us to spiral downward that leave us in a heap of mental dysfunction.
Okay, there are times that a friendship will be put on hold due to some of the choices we make. And there are cases that a friendship is over due to the differences in values that people have. But normally, it doesn’t happen like this. Normally, there is something else going on.
For instance:
The other person had a death in the family and is having to attend a funeral.
Their brother or sister, or both… ended up in the hospital.
Their kids are having problems at school.
Their kids are having projects at school.
They are having company in town for a week.
They are in the process of moving offices or homes.
They are looking for a job and it’s taking every second of their time.
They aren’t getting along with their spouse and don’t feel up to getting together with anyone.
They are having some financial issues and getting together for lunch or dinner is not in the budget.
Their child needs some sort of therapy or counseling and their mind is on that.
They are going out of town for the weekend and trying to get ready.
Their husband and son are taking a camping trip and they need to prepare the tent and camping equipment.
They are competing in some sort of sporting event and they are practicing extra.
They’ve started taking classes and are now studying for the class and upcoming tests.
Okay, you now get the picture! People are BUSY. Taking it personal that someone isn’t calling or emailing you back is probably natural, but not practical. We are living in a different day and time now and the old days of everyone returning calls immediately has now changed to, “I’ll call you back when I can.”
People are BUSY and we can’t and won’t all fit into each others’ lives at the same level that we’d like. Children and family takes priority over people with small kids, and work loads and other responsibilities come first before an active social life. Often now, the conversations have to be cut short and continued later. It’s nothing now for people to stop a conversation midstream only to promise a later get together. Interestingly enough, people seem to be fine with it.
I know that I’ve been unable to attend to a few personal meetings as of late. I’ve not been able to be up with my work load or return calls and emails promptly. I know that it can look bad to others at this point. I can talk a good game, but I can’t back it up right now. It’s just where I am at this point in my life.
I had to tell an old friend recently who commonly makes me feel guilty if I’m not checking in regularly that he shouldn’t expect any phone calls from me in the next year. I currently do not HAVE a social life and don’t intend to have one in the next few months or year at least. My plate is full. My child is my sole focus right now. If I’m not taking him to Occupational Therapy, then I’m taking him to the park or on a bike ride. If he’s at school and I have an extra hour, I’m going to be reading about things that will help him. I will NOT be nursing my social life. It’s just where I am right now and I requested that he just understand that I don’t have anyone outside of my immediate family as a focus right now. I wish things were different but they’re not. I was as nice as I could be, and I think it helped him understand that I can’t be an attentive friend right now.
On the flipside, I’ve also been on the other side where I’m obsessing about people not returning MY calls. I soon found out though that they were out of town or had another amazing excuse that I didn’t know at the time. So I’ve had to forgive others of these minor offenses just like I’m hoping others are forgiving me. I have found however, that if you drop a note to the person saying you can’t respond right then because of some personal issues, people are completely fine with that.
Returning calls and emails is the polite thing to do. My dad once told me to always be the last one to write or call and to never leave people hanging. It’s great advice and it’s advice I share with others. But I also have tolerance for others when they are slow to move as quickly as I am at that moment. My life responsibilities have interrupted my social life more than once and I’m sure it will again.
I just want to make sure that my SOCIAL life, doesn’t interrupt my DAILY life. That is where I am right now. My close friends will understand and the others will just have to wait. And meanwhile, I’m wishing you all love and blessings in your life!!! We’ll all be together again!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Teaching Children that being Different isn’t “Special”
How many times have you stared at a person who looked different? The person could be largely overweight, have some sort of physical deformity or be too tall or too short….. but whatever it was about them, they were different from you.
I have to admit, I used to stare at people different from me. That was until I spent time with someone very close to me that got stares all day long. I realized that this person dealt with more uncomfortable situations in a day than most of us deal with in a lifetime!
In our house, the word “fat” is a naughty word. So is “big”. So is anything that could be potentially uncomfortable for anyone else. With a 5 year old however, there is always going to be a situation like what happened a few years ago when we were in line at the grocery store. The pimply young cashier intrigued my son and Jeremy yelled out, “he has OUCHIES on his face”. Well, what can you do?
Today was an opportunity for a good lesson regarding special needs children. I took my son to the Doctor for a physical and being flu season there were several children there with physical and mental disabilities that are considered “high risk”. Right across from us was a man with his son in a very elaborate wheel chair. The chair secured the boy who probably couldn’t sit up on his own. The boy spoke very slowly and was severely mentally and physically challenged.
But his eyes lit up when I asked the daddy if I could introduce my son to him. Jeremy had been staring at him and told me he couldn’t talk so I asked the dad if we could meet him. The dad seemed happy too so I crossed the room to sit down right by him and asked the boy his name. He said “Tim” . I said, “hi Tim, this is Jeremy” . Then I asked, “How old are you Tim?” He said, “Ten”. While I talked with him I rubbed his leg gently and I could see he was trying to put his hand out for me to grab it. I asked Jeremy to tell Tim how old he was.
The conversation was short but sweet. The nurse then called them in and the dad looked at me and thanked me and we said goodbye.
On the way home, I was able to explain to Jeremy that Tim has feelings just like any kid who wants to fit in. He wants to have friends and experience life and love his family. He doesn’t want to be laughed at or pointed at just because he is different. And he doesn’t want to be “special”. He just wants to be “normal”.
I felt good about having the opportunity to introduce Jeremy to Tim. I want him to feel as comfortable talking with someone in a wheel chair as he would anyone that was able bodied. I want him to know that everyone, no matter WHO they are or what their circumstances, wants to be acknowledged and not ignored, talked with and not stared at, and they want people just to be comfortable and not intimidated.
I don’t know if it made an impression on Jeremy today, but I feel that it did. We’ll continue to speak with whoever comes along our path no matter how different they are from us.
Teaching our children not to stare is probably impossible. But teaching them to share a conversation with people who are different is truly remarkable!
I have to admit, I used to stare at people different from me. That was until I spent time with someone very close to me that got stares all day long. I realized that this person dealt with more uncomfortable situations in a day than most of us deal with in a lifetime!
In our house, the word “fat” is a naughty word. So is “big”. So is anything that could be potentially uncomfortable for anyone else. With a 5 year old however, there is always going to be a situation like what happened a few years ago when we were in line at the grocery store. The pimply young cashier intrigued my son and Jeremy yelled out, “he has OUCHIES on his face”. Well, what can you do?
Today was an opportunity for a good lesson regarding special needs children. I took my son to the Doctor for a physical and being flu season there were several children there with physical and mental disabilities that are considered “high risk”. Right across from us was a man with his son in a very elaborate wheel chair. The chair secured the boy who probably couldn’t sit up on his own. The boy spoke very slowly and was severely mentally and physically challenged.
But his eyes lit up when I asked the daddy if I could introduce my son to him. Jeremy had been staring at him and told me he couldn’t talk so I asked the dad if we could meet him. The dad seemed happy too so I crossed the room to sit down right by him and asked the boy his name. He said “Tim” . I said, “hi Tim, this is Jeremy” . Then I asked, “How old are you Tim?” He said, “Ten”. While I talked with him I rubbed his leg gently and I could see he was trying to put his hand out for me to grab it. I asked Jeremy to tell Tim how old he was.
The conversation was short but sweet. The nurse then called them in and the dad looked at me and thanked me and we said goodbye.
On the way home, I was able to explain to Jeremy that Tim has feelings just like any kid who wants to fit in. He wants to have friends and experience life and love his family. He doesn’t want to be laughed at or pointed at just because he is different. And he doesn’t want to be “special”. He just wants to be “normal”.
I felt good about having the opportunity to introduce Jeremy to Tim. I want him to feel as comfortable talking with someone in a wheel chair as he would anyone that was able bodied. I want him to know that everyone, no matter WHO they are or what their circumstances, wants to be acknowledged and not ignored, talked with and not stared at, and they want people just to be comfortable and not intimidated.
I don’t know if it made an impression on Jeremy today, but I feel that it did. We’ll continue to speak with whoever comes along our path no matter how different they are from us.
Teaching our children not to stare is probably impossible. But teaching them to share a conversation with people who are different is truly remarkable!
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Family Comes First
I started a new full time position as a headhunter a few weeks ago. I went through extensive training and got into the flow of working every day. And two days ago, my goal of being employed full time came to a screeching halt.
My son is having difficulties in school and is going to need a few days of occupational therapy every day. In a moment, nothing else mattered but my son.
I discussed the options with my husband that night. We discussed that there was no amount of money and no other person in the world that could hold a candle to our son. We heard from the counselor at school that our son needed some special attention and so I made the decision that night to resign my position effective immediately.
I went in the next day and my employer was incredibly understanding. He saw the whole thing develop and knew what a strain it was on my family. He told me I have an open opportunity to come back whenever I could. I have a feeling though that this new adventure into learning how to work with my son, is going to take up the next several years. Somehow, I feel a new chapter developing.
As I become more and more of an advocate for my son at his school, I’ll be learning new information about an issue I didn’t know existed until recently. It’s called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Jeremy has difficulty processing transition from one activity to another and has other behavior issues that cause him stress. Each child has different symptoms but it is a deeply misunderstood issue and often causes problems in school.
So, I resigned from my position as a recruiter and am now connecting with doctors, the insurance companies, the school counselor and writing notes every day to my son’s teacher. It’s a full time job in itself.
Being an ambitious career woman has now taken a back seat to making sure that my son is getting the assistance he needs. I’m still the scrappy, creative, outgoing person who loves meeting new people and bringing in fresh energy wherever I go. I’ll still maintain my coaching clients and consult for individuals and companies when I can. But my major job will be educating myself and those involved with Jeremy on how to work with him with the least amount of frustration possible.
Family comes first. You always hear that, but it’s mostly when we’re tested that we are able to prove it. I will be proving it to myself every day for the rest of my life. I hope that I can learn to be successful in this role as I have been in others.
Only time will tell.
My son is having difficulties in school and is going to need a few days of occupational therapy every day. In a moment, nothing else mattered but my son.
I discussed the options with my husband that night. We discussed that there was no amount of money and no other person in the world that could hold a candle to our son. We heard from the counselor at school that our son needed some special attention and so I made the decision that night to resign my position effective immediately.
I went in the next day and my employer was incredibly understanding. He saw the whole thing develop and knew what a strain it was on my family. He told me I have an open opportunity to come back whenever I could. I have a feeling though that this new adventure into learning how to work with my son, is going to take up the next several years. Somehow, I feel a new chapter developing.
As I become more and more of an advocate for my son at his school, I’ll be learning new information about an issue I didn’t know existed until recently. It’s called Sensory Integration Dysfunction. Jeremy has difficulty processing transition from one activity to another and has other behavior issues that cause him stress. Each child has different symptoms but it is a deeply misunderstood issue and often causes problems in school.
So, I resigned from my position as a recruiter and am now connecting with doctors, the insurance companies, the school counselor and writing notes every day to my son’s teacher. It’s a full time job in itself.
Being an ambitious career woman has now taken a back seat to making sure that my son is getting the assistance he needs. I’m still the scrappy, creative, outgoing person who loves meeting new people and bringing in fresh energy wherever I go. I’ll still maintain my coaching clients and consult for individuals and companies when I can. But my major job will be educating myself and those involved with Jeremy on how to work with him with the least amount of frustration possible.
Family comes first. You always hear that, but it’s mostly when we’re tested that we are able to prove it. I will be proving it to myself every day for the rest of my life. I hope that I can learn to be successful in this role as I have been in others.
Only time will tell.
Jumping Back in the Work Force After a Break
You’d think that in our society there would be allowances for people who chose to take off some time for one reason or another. You’d think that when they were hunting for a job that people would understand some of the personal issues that people have to deal with which interrupts their career flow. Things like having a baby, staying home with children, dealing with a sick parent, taking time off after the sale of a house that provides a nest egg or divorce are a few that I’ve heard lately. Yet, the people who are trying to get their career back on track after taking a break, tell a different story.
One lady that I coached lately is dealing with a former family business for the past 20 years. She raised her kids and worked full time with her husband. Her whole life was wrapped up in her family business. Later, after her husband cruelty left her and spread rumors about her, she was unemployable. This was even after she’d updated class work within her industry. All of her former customers were still with her ex husband so even references were impossible to obtain. She felt completely at a loss of where to start.
Another client, who sold his biz and made millions during the process still has the desire to be employed. He took off some time and doesn’t have the need to make money, but he was much too young to sit around and watch the stock market every day. He wanted to get back in the market to start working again. He was best in a structured 9-5 environment and didn’t want to build another business from scratch. But speaking with potential employers was nearly impossible once they found out he wasn’t “hungry” to work anymore. They perceived he didn’t NEED the money so he wouldn’t work as hard.
I asked a friend recently who owns an extremely successful real estate firm if she’d consider selling her business. She practically shouted NO WAY, and asked “what would I do all day?” I have seen that happen time and time again to successful people too.. that they’re bored to death after the sale of their business. What do they do? They end up harassing the lecture agents to book them more speeches! They WANT to work!
So what can a person do if they find themselves in one of these positions? It doesn’t matter if they end up unemployed because “life happened” or because of a windfall of money. They are still “unemployable” to the hiring manager.
Here are a few things that these clients have done.
Take a job at a temp agency. Even though you’ve run a company before, go in and take the typing test and the computer test to evaluate where you are. This is a great place to get started. You can meet several temp agencies to get your name out there for a job. Once you get introduced to some new companies you’ll be more likely to gain self confidence, be dressing up for work and eventually get hired or meet someone who wants to work with you.
Get business cards printed! This can work miracles. While you’re looking for work, create a sideline business of consulting of some sort to get the pipeline of customers going. You can even work for free if you’re on unemployment and no one needs to know. But, it’ll get you in work mode and create opportunities for you.
Show up at public lectures. Anytime people gather to support an interest, there are going to be others just like you also attending. Strike up conversations with people around you and be sure to ask the speaker some intelligent questions. People are more attracted to individuals who “put themselves out there”.
Create a public workshop. Gather what you know, put it in workshop format and start TEACHING. There is NO better way, besides writing a book, to get noticed quickly. If you’re in a city that has opportunities for speakers such as The Learning Annex, that’s great. Otherwise, libraries and community college continuing education departments are a great place to get booked.
Network with friends. Print up business cards and tell everyone you know that you are looking for a job. You’d be surprised what you will find. If you mention it to someone, they’ll know someone who knows someone, etc. When you call and use someone’s name as a referral, it’s called a WARM LEAD and people are more than willing to help.
Lastly, keep your spirits up during the process by taking care of yourself. Meet with friends and family who are supportive as often as possible. Write in a journal. Work out a few times a week to get your blood flowing. Take a walk near the lake or ocean to bring a sense of tranquility. Read old letters and references about how great you’ve been in the past. And most of all, support other people who need help too. It’s the best way to know that you bring great value to the world.
Bringing value is what it is all about. Find a place where you can start bringing value and know that it can lead to something better or more suited to you. It doesn’t have to be the RIGHT job. But it can be the job for RIGHT now.
One lady that I coached lately is dealing with a former family business for the past 20 years. She raised her kids and worked full time with her husband. Her whole life was wrapped up in her family business. Later, after her husband cruelty left her and spread rumors about her, she was unemployable. This was even after she’d updated class work within her industry. All of her former customers were still with her ex husband so even references were impossible to obtain. She felt completely at a loss of where to start.
Another client, who sold his biz and made millions during the process still has the desire to be employed. He took off some time and doesn’t have the need to make money, but he was much too young to sit around and watch the stock market every day. He wanted to get back in the market to start working again. He was best in a structured 9-5 environment and didn’t want to build another business from scratch. But speaking with potential employers was nearly impossible once they found out he wasn’t “hungry” to work anymore. They perceived he didn’t NEED the money so he wouldn’t work as hard.
I asked a friend recently who owns an extremely successful real estate firm if she’d consider selling her business. She practically shouted NO WAY, and asked “what would I do all day?” I have seen that happen time and time again to successful people too.. that they’re bored to death after the sale of their business. What do they do? They end up harassing the lecture agents to book them more speeches! They WANT to work!
So what can a person do if they find themselves in one of these positions? It doesn’t matter if they end up unemployed because “life happened” or because of a windfall of money. They are still “unemployable” to the hiring manager.
Here are a few things that these clients have done.
Take a job at a temp agency. Even though you’ve run a company before, go in and take the typing test and the computer test to evaluate where you are. This is a great place to get started. You can meet several temp agencies to get your name out there for a job. Once you get introduced to some new companies you’ll be more likely to gain self confidence, be dressing up for work and eventually get hired or meet someone who wants to work with you.
Get business cards printed! This can work miracles. While you’re looking for work, create a sideline business of consulting of some sort to get the pipeline of customers going. You can even work for free if you’re on unemployment and no one needs to know. But, it’ll get you in work mode and create opportunities for you.
Show up at public lectures. Anytime people gather to support an interest, there are going to be others just like you also attending. Strike up conversations with people around you and be sure to ask the speaker some intelligent questions. People are more attracted to individuals who “put themselves out there”.
Create a public workshop. Gather what you know, put it in workshop format and start TEACHING. There is NO better way, besides writing a book, to get noticed quickly. If you’re in a city that has opportunities for speakers such as The Learning Annex, that’s great. Otherwise, libraries and community college continuing education departments are a great place to get booked.
Network with friends. Print up business cards and tell everyone you know that you are looking for a job. You’d be surprised what you will find. If you mention it to someone, they’ll know someone who knows someone, etc. When you call and use someone’s name as a referral, it’s called a WARM LEAD and people are more than willing to help.
Lastly, keep your spirits up during the process by taking care of yourself. Meet with friends and family who are supportive as often as possible. Write in a journal. Work out a few times a week to get your blood flowing. Take a walk near the lake or ocean to bring a sense of tranquility. Read old letters and references about how great you’ve been in the past. And most of all, support other people who need help too. It’s the best way to know that you bring great value to the world.
Bringing value is what it is all about. Find a place where you can start bringing value and know that it can lead to something better or more suited to you. It doesn’t have to be the RIGHT job. But it can be the job for RIGHT now.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sticky Conversations
Can you just feel the sickness in your stomach right now? That feeling when you know that you have to have a conversation that you are NOT looking forward to, but know you need to have. It plagues you for days before you have to face the inevitable and then the moment arrives when you make contact with the person, and there they are.. waiting for you to initiate conversation.
Usually, the conversations start friendly. You talk about the weather or your weekend or something work oriented that you both can agree on. This is a great tactic.. to find something that you both agree on BEFORE you attack.
Okay, attacking is NOT a good word here. That is exactly what you don’t WANT to do. But, it is going to be your natural instinct. You have probably been steaming on the inside thinking of everything wrong that your opponent has done. You’ve been thinking of what he or she is going to give you as a rebuttal and you have every cleaver answer ready to go.
But instead of attacking, you need to PRACTICE exactly WHAT you are going to say. And even though you can barely CONTAIN yourself and want to just blast the person, you MUST REMAIN CALM. You MUST remain in a place where an equal exchange of ideas can take place. You must tell yourself that you HAVE to stay calm, and agree to listen with out interrupting.
Visualizing being calm is helpful and visualizing yourself having a good conversation is even better. It can help pave the way for a fruitful conversation. Then, after you’ve finished the small talk, and that awkward silence takes place, then it’s up to you, to ask a question: “so, perhaps we should discuss this issue at stake?”
Remember at this point, whoever ASKS the questions controls the conversation. If you ask the question, “can you tell me what happened from your point of view?” then you are off to a good start. Then, follow up by taking notes and asking MORE questions. Do this so your opponent can see that you are really listening to him or her and value what you have to say. The most controlled person is going to want to JUMP in and add their two sense, but you MUST not! You must just listen, look them in the eyes with all of the sincerity you can muster up, and you must listen to his or her complaint about you.
When they are done with their 15 minute monologue that may or may not be salted with epiphanies about yourself that you were dying to know, then you HAVE to take a breath, a deep one and then… WAIT.
YES… WAIT. Let the clock tick. This is essential for letting your opponent know that you are giving serious thought to the assaults that you just endured. You are carefully considering the awful things that you instigated, and then you are thinking carefully about how to respond.
Then you do. You might want to throw in one or two more questions to gain clarity just for good measure, but more than likely, you’ll have the major complaints listed and are now ready to respond.
But.. before you respond… do you need to apologize? Do you need to tell the person that you’re sorry that you hurt their feelings, damaged their reputation, embarrassed them in front of others, or ANYTHING else. Apologizing is an EXCELLENT strategy for gaining respect from an opponent. If you don’t have any apologizing to do… then FIND something to apologize for. It’s VERY important that you take some of the blame.
Next, thank the opponent for opening up to you and sharing with you. Tell them that you want to gain their respect and trust and want to word everything as carefully as possible.
Then you start your rebuttal. Tell the person that you want to do a good job. You both have the same goal at stake of keeping the company growing and moving in the right direction. (or list a common goal that you both share) and it’s obvious that you are both passionate about the topic.
Then start slow, and talk about how you arrived at your decision. Do NOT point fingers. Just talk about the goal of making your company great.. or how you arrived at your decision. If you are giving a rebuttal to a serious allegation that is true, then confront your fears and tell the person that you are working on this issue and ask for them to be patient with you. Most people will understand human error and give you a break – if you admit it. If you defend yourself completely and take no responsibility, then you might as well hang up your gloves. You are going to lose respect and probably in the long run, you’ll lose the game.
Sticky conversations are not fun to have, but they can further the action faster than anything else. Rather than people sitting around stewing all day long, gossiping in the halls about each other, then having those conversations can challenge people to come to the table with ideas, conversations and new solutions.
Each time you have a sticky conversation, you’ll gain strength. You’ll see that it’s MUCH better to have the conversation than let it simmer underneath the surface. Facing the uncomfortable does more than just solve an issue, it can help you get comfortable with the person, and make them into your advocate.
There is no better solution to find than to transform from an enemy to an advocate. That is the ultimate and while it might not be easy, it is simple. Just prepare in advance, be prepared to humble yourself, and in the process you’ll gain respect from your opponent, and even more respect for yourself.
Usually, the conversations start friendly. You talk about the weather or your weekend or something work oriented that you both can agree on. This is a great tactic.. to find something that you both agree on BEFORE you attack.
Okay, attacking is NOT a good word here. That is exactly what you don’t WANT to do. But, it is going to be your natural instinct. You have probably been steaming on the inside thinking of everything wrong that your opponent has done. You’ve been thinking of what he or she is going to give you as a rebuttal and you have every cleaver answer ready to go.
But instead of attacking, you need to PRACTICE exactly WHAT you are going to say. And even though you can barely CONTAIN yourself and want to just blast the person, you MUST REMAIN CALM. You MUST remain in a place where an equal exchange of ideas can take place. You must tell yourself that you HAVE to stay calm, and agree to listen with out interrupting.
Visualizing being calm is helpful and visualizing yourself having a good conversation is even better. It can help pave the way for a fruitful conversation. Then, after you’ve finished the small talk, and that awkward silence takes place, then it’s up to you, to ask a question: “so, perhaps we should discuss this issue at stake?”
Remember at this point, whoever ASKS the questions controls the conversation. If you ask the question, “can you tell me what happened from your point of view?” then you are off to a good start. Then, follow up by taking notes and asking MORE questions. Do this so your opponent can see that you are really listening to him or her and value what you have to say. The most controlled person is going to want to JUMP in and add their two sense, but you MUST not! You must just listen, look them in the eyes with all of the sincerity you can muster up, and you must listen to his or her complaint about you.
When they are done with their 15 minute monologue that may or may not be salted with epiphanies about yourself that you were dying to know, then you HAVE to take a breath, a deep one and then… WAIT.
YES… WAIT. Let the clock tick. This is essential for letting your opponent know that you are giving serious thought to the assaults that you just endured. You are carefully considering the awful things that you instigated, and then you are thinking carefully about how to respond.
Then you do. You might want to throw in one or two more questions to gain clarity just for good measure, but more than likely, you’ll have the major complaints listed and are now ready to respond.
But.. before you respond… do you need to apologize? Do you need to tell the person that you’re sorry that you hurt their feelings, damaged their reputation, embarrassed them in front of others, or ANYTHING else. Apologizing is an EXCELLENT strategy for gaining respect from an opponent. If you don’t have any apologizing to do… then FIND something to apologize for. It’s VERY important that you take some of the blame.
Next, thank the opponent for opening up to you and sharing with you. Tell them that you want to gain their respect and trust and want to word everything as carefully as possible.
Then you start your rebuttal. Tell the person that you want to do a good job. You both have the same goal at stake of keeping the company growing and moving in the right direction. (or list a common goal that you both share) and it’s obvious that you are both passionate about the topic.
Then start slow, and talk about how you arrived at your decision. Do NOT point fingers. Just talk about the goal of making your company great.. or how you arrived at your decision. If you are giving a rebuttal to a serious allegation that is true, then confront your fears and tell the person that you are working on this issue and ask for them to be patient with you. Most people will understand human error and give you a break – if you admit it. If you defend yourself completely and take no responsibility, then you might as well hang up your gloves. You are going to lose respect and probably in the long run, you’ll lose the game.
Sticky conversations are not fun to have, but they can further the action faster than anything else. Rather than people sitting around stewing all day long, gossiping in the halls about each other, then having those conversations can challenge people to come to the table with ideas, conversations and new solutions.
Each time you have a sticky conversation, you’ll gain strength. You’ll see that it’s MUCH better to have the conversation than let it simmer underneath the surface. Facing the uncomfortable does more than just solve an issue, it can help you get comfortable with the person, and make them into your advocate.
There is no better solution to find than to transform from an enemy to an advocate. That is the ultimate and while it might not be easy, it is simple. Just prepare in advance, be prepared to humble yourself, and in the process you’ll gain respect from your opponent, and even more respect for yourself.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Making a Cold Call Fun
If you are in business in any capacity, you’ve made cold calls. If you’ve had to call anyone out of the phone book for any service whatsoever, you’ve made a cold call.
So why are cold calls so HARD for people to make? How come people DRED making cold calls and how come there are sales classes and books dedicated directly to Cold Calling?
I’ve been in a training class all week to learn the new company’s policies and procedures. Part of what we’re doing also is learning about sales. This part for me is the easy part but for many in the class, it’s the most intimidating. One of the women shared with me that she is extremely uncomfortable talking with people she doesn’t know.
I told her to FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
Seriously, getting a script and following by that is a good thing to do, as LONG as you aren’t READING and don’t sound like a telemarketer. That is why people hang up on people, because they sound like a telemarketer.
Here is a cold call that insures that you’ll be hung up on:
Jim: “Who is the Director of Marketing”
Receptionist: “May I ask who is calling?”
Jim: “This is Jim”
Receptionist: “Jim who?”
Jim: Jim Smith
Receptionist: And what company are you with?
Jim: XYZ Company
Receptionist: “May I ask what this is in reference to?”
Jim: “It’s a confidential matter.” Or “it’s a time sensitive matter”
Possible hang up here or:
Receptionist: “Well he’s not in, you’ll have to leave a message”
Jim – hangs up
It’s not so hard people!! Don’t make it so hard. First of all, why are you hiding? If you truly have great information and a wonderful service, people are going to recognize that. If you DON’T have a valuable service and professional product, then get out of the business until you find one!
I also know that people discriminate if your voice sounds different from theirs. If you have an accent of ANY kind, then you better be one of the most FRIENDLY people on the planet, because people are going to discriminate against you. If you are a New Yorker calling the south, people are going to think you are an outsider. If you are a southerner calling New York, then you BETTER speak fast. If you are African American and have your cultural accent, then you BETTER speak CLEARLY and professionally. If you are of foreign decent, then speak SLOWLY and call with a SMILE on your face.
I do have a word for people with accents. If you are working on a phone job, then you would do best to work to minimize your accent. My husband is from Brooklyn and we worked for a LONG time to temper his thick accent. There were certain words that were distinctly New York, such as “Yesterday”. He pronounced that as “Yes-Ta-Day” Another one was “Dollar”. He pronounced it as “Dolla”
Additionally, if you have a foreign name, it’s going to be natural for people to avoid developing a relationship with you because they are going to forget your name. If you have a foreign name AND an accent, the average response to you is going to be much worse than if you have a typical American name.
I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, I’m just stating a fact. You are going to have to be 10x better than your average competitor. Because cold calling is about establishing relationships and it’s much easier to establish a relationship with someone more like yourself.
Here is a good typical cold call:
Jim:“Good morning! This is Jim! Who am I speaking with please?
Receptionist- “this is Sue, may I help you?”
Jim: Hi Sue! Yes, I’m looking for the Director of Marketing.. could you please tell me who that is?”
Receptionist ‘That is Randy Rawls” May I connect you?
Jim: “Great. Thanks Sue. Have a great day”
Receptionist- “You too!”
People want to help people.. IF they are nice people. If they sense that someone is a waste of time, then they are going to screen your calls and NEVER help you. If you aren’t nice or pleasant to the “gatekeeper” then you’ll have problems down the road.
There is a difference of opinion in this of course. There are some people who make phone calls who try to “trick” the gatekeepers or just try to get around them. I think the majority of them are smart and just doing their job when they get phone numbers instead of connecting the calls.
My best advice is that they can help more than they can do anything else, and that making them your advocate is the smartest thing you can do.
Cold calling is nothing more than meeting new individuals to see which companies are the best match for what you are selling. People are on the other end of the phone and so the same things apply when meeting friends. People want to be liked. People want to help. People want to be good to other people. People like hearing their name.
Cold calling can be fun if you let it. Just remember that when people solicit you at home, you may not always be the nicest; so do your best to understand others when you are on the other side. Be as warm and friendly as possible. Relay a sense of confidence, that you have a product or service that can really help.
Then, when you get the client on the phone, do it all over again.
Then make another call, and do it again. And again, and again and again.
For some of us, the cold calling never ends.
So why are cold calls so HARD for people to make? How come people DRED making cold calls and how come there are sales classes and books dedicated directly to Cold Calling?
I’ve been in a training class all week to learn the new company’s policies and procedures. Part of what we’re doing also is learning about sales. This part for me is the easy part but for many in the class, it’s the most intimidating. One of the women shared with me that she is extremely uncomfortable talking with people she doesn’t know.
I told her to FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT.
Seriously, getting a script and following by that is a good thing to do, as LONG as you aren’t READING and don’t sound like a telemarketer. That is why people hang up on people, because they sound like a telemarketer.
Here is a cold call that insures that you’ll be hung up on:
Jim: “Who is the Director of Marketing”
Receptionist: “May I ask who is calling?”
Jim: “This is Jim”
Receptionist: “Jim who?”
Jim: Jim Smith
Receptionist: And what company are you with?
Jim: XYZ Company
Receptionist: “May I ask what this is in reference to?”
Jim: “It’s a confidential matter.” Or “it’s a time sensitive matter”
Possible hang up here or:
Receptionist: “Well he’s not in, you’ll have to leave a message”
Jim – hangs up
It’s not so hard people!! Don’t make it so hard. First of all, why are you hiding? If you truly have great information and a wonderful service, people are going to recognize that. If you DON’T have a valuable service and professional product, then get out of the business until you find one!
I also know that people discriminate if your voice sounds different from theirs. If you have an accent of ANY kind, then you better be one of the most FRIENDLY people on the planet, because people are going to discriminate against you. If you are a New Yorker calling the south, people are going to think you are an outsider. If you are a southerner calling New York, then you BETTER speak fast. If you are African American and have your cultural accent, then you BETTER speak CLEARLY and professionally. If you are of foreign decent, then speak SLOWLY and call with a SMILE on your face.
I do have a word for people with accents. If you are working on a phone job, then you would do best to work to minimize your accent. My husband is from Brooklyn and we worked for a LONG time to temper his thick accent. There were certain words that were distinctly New York, such as “Yesterday”. He pronounced that as “Yes-Ta-Day” Another one was “Dollar”. He pronounced it as “Dolla”
Additionally, if you have a foreign name, it’s going to be natural for people to avoid developing a relationship with you because they are going to forget your name. If you have a foreign name AND an accent, the average response to you is going to be much worse than if you have a typical American name.
I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings, I’m just stating a fact. You are going to have to be 10x better than your average competitor. Because cold calling is about establishing relationships and it’s much easier to establish a relationship with someone more like yourself.
Here is a good typical cold call:
Jim:“Good morning! This is Jim! Who am I speaking with please?
Receptionist- “this is Sue, may I help you?”
Jim: Hi Sue! Yes, I’m looking for the Director of Marketing.. could you please tell me who that is?”
Receptionist ‘That is Randy Rawls” May I connect you?
Jim: “Great. Thanks Sue. Have a great day”
Receptionist- “You too!”
People want to help people.. IF they are nice people. If they sense that someone is a waste of time, then they are going to screen your calls and NEVER help you. If you aren’t nice or pleasant to the “gatekeeper” then you’ll have problems down the road.
There is a difference of opinion in this of course. There are some people who make phone calls who try to “trick” the gatekeepers or just try to get around them. I think the majority of them are smart and just doing their job when they get phone numbers instead of connecting the calls.
My best advice is that they can help more than they can do anything else, and that making them your advocate is the smartest thing you can do.
Cold calling is nothing more than meeting new individuals to see which companies are the best match for what you are selling. People are on the other end of the phone and so the same things apply when meeting friends. People want to be liked. People want to help. People want to be good to other people. People like hearing their name.
Cold calling can be fun if you let it. Just remember that when people solicit you at home, you may not always be the nicest; so do your best to understand others when you are on the other side. Be as warm and friendly as possible. Relay a sense of confidence, that you have a product or service that can really help.
Then, when you get the client on the phone, do it all over again.
Then make another call, and do it again. And again, and again and again.
For some of us, the cold calling never ends.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
How to Engage Someone in a Lively Conversation
I have found that the best way to get someone to respond positively to you is to LIKE them!
Seriously! It is so easy!!! Plus, it works.
I’ve recently started a new position as a professional headhunter. I’ve always done professional networking and marketing for individuals but now have joined a new firm. Most of what I’m doing now is COLD CALLING. UGH..the dreaded COLD CALL.
What does it consist of? Hi! My name is Mary Gardner and I’m with GRN… who is the Director of Operations? From there I ask questions and gather information until I get the right person on the phone that might have a serious interest in my candidate that I’m marketing.
The difference that I’ve seen in my first few days is that the first day I was TERRIFIED to call. I didn’t feel ready. I felt unprepared. I wasn’t clear of the procedures and I didn’t even feel comfortable with the phone. Here is what happened: the first few calls.. people almost hung up on me. They didn’t have the tolerance for a person with no confidence.
Today, I relaxed. I committed to myself that I was going to have FUN and to make the people enjoy our encounter. I’d do that by showing them favor over the phone and acting excited to talk with them, even though I had no idea of who they were and what they did. And guess what? It worked! I spoke with numerous “gatekeepers” as we call them, or administrative people who shared all of the information that I wanted about the company. I used their NAME in the conversation! I asked how they were doing and didn’t ignore them. I asked about the weather when they were in south Florida and laughed with them when they forgot whether it was morning or afternoon in their greeting. I truly just enjoyed all of the people I met.. and guess what?
They liked me back!!! I expressed enthusiasm when speaking WITH them and TO them, and they responded in kind. It was so much more fun to speak with them when I stopped thinking OF MYSELF and my nerves, and started thinking about THEM!!!
Of course I did all of the standard things you do in small talk! I asked them questions and I listened to them intently. I asked about them, or their company or the weather or if they were having a good day, but I showed interest in THEM and their lives. That was the total key today to enjoying new people and getting them to feel comfortable with me.
I liked them.
How about you? Are you expressing interest and curiosity in others? Are you excited to speak with them? Do you show interest in their response? Do you laugh at their jokes? Do you sincerely want to show that person that they are OK in your book?
You might find what I found. A day of potential stress can turn into a day full of fun.
Seriously! It is so easy!!! Plus, it works.
I’ve recently started a new position as a professional headhunter. I’ve always done professional networking and marketing for individuals but now have joined a new firm. Most of what I’m doing now is COLD CALLING. UGH..the dreaded COLD CALL.
What does it consist of? Hi! My name is Mary Gardner and I’m with GRN… who is the Director of Operations? From there I ask questions and gather information until I get the right person on the phone that might have a serious interest in my candidate that I’m marketing.
The difference that I’ve seen in my first few days is that the first day I was TERRIFIED to call. I didn’t feel ready. I felt unprepared. I wasn’t clear of the procedures and I didn’t even feel comfortable with the phone. Here is what happened: the first few calls.. people almost hung up on me. They didn’t have the tolerance for a person with no confidence.
Today, I relaxed. I committed to myself that I was going to have FUN and to make the people enjoy our encounter. I’d do that by showing them favor over the phone and acting excited to talk with them, even though I had no idea of who they were and what they did. And guess what? It worked! I spoke with numerous “gatekeepers” as we call them, or administrative people who shared all of the information that I wanted about the company. I used their NAME in the conversation! I asked how they were doing and didn’t ignore them. I asked about the weather when they were in south Florida and laughed with them when they forgot whether it was morning or afternoon in their greeting. I truly just enjoyed all of the people I met.. and guess what?
They liked me back!!! I expressed enthusiasm when speaking WITH them and TO them, and they responded in kind. It was so much more fun to speak with them when I stopped thinking OF MYSELF and my nerves, and started thinking about THEM!!!
Of course I did all of the standard things you do in small talk! I asked them questions and I listened to them intently. I asked about them, or their company or the weather or if they were having a good day, but I showed interest in THEM and their lives. That was the total key today to enjoying new people and getting them to feel comfortable with me.
I liked them.
How about you? Are you expressing interest and curiosity in others? Are you excited to speak with them? Do you show interest in their response? Do you laugh at their jokes? Do you sincerely want to show that person that they are OK in your book?
You might find what I found. A day of potential stress can turn into a day full of fun.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Is it Okay to Ask Someone's Age?
I ask you the question: Is it okay to ask a person: “How old are you?”
Because of this question, I’m going through culture shock!! I even grew up here and I’m still going through culture shock!
Today was about the 5th time in a week that I’ve been asked: “how old are you?” The first 3 times I said “none of your business” and laughed my way out of it.. but now it’s getting serious… These Floridians all seem to want to know how old I am!
Why? Do I look older than I am? Do I look younger? Is it that I’m too immature to be this old? What is it?
Okay, it might be that they might be trying to see WHO I went to high school with, that is completely possible, but then again, why not ask: What year did you graduate?
I’ve lived in various places around the country. When I lived in NYC one time I think I asked a guy how old I was and he curtly replied, “oh, how AMERICAN of you”. I think I learned at that moment NOT to bring up age. Or perhaps it was when I was commenting on my friends’ luck that her husband was 16 years younger than her and she completely derailed the conversation and made me look foolish.. that I learned.. YOU DON”T ASK A PERSON”S AGE!!!
I thought it could never hurt! Oprah proudly tells everyone her age and says its horrible that women DON”T tell their age. But it DOES hurt! People are MESMORIZED by peoples’ ages! And they treat you different because of your age, and you can lose a job because of your age. Yes you can, because I did!
When the TV station found out that I was OLDER than their targeted demographic, I was immediately bumped to the anchor desk. Now.. I’m a SENIOR staff member. Sure, the 23 year old who replaced me was quickly discovered and moved on in her career but I know that the fact that I was a particular age gave them the idea that it was time to MOVE on. I liked anchoring but liked reporting a LOT more. There was a lot more freedom, but because of my AGE, I wasn’t able to keep the same position. I also know a major network anchor that goes to great lengths to conceal her age.
So me? I don’t TELL my age. Is that so bad? I think in Florida I’m looked upon as a snob and a freak! They look at me like I’m insane when I don’t divulge my age immediately.
But what I’ve learned is that people categorize you into a certain age GROUP that says.. “they’re older than me.. they can’t do as much as me” or they’re just SO overwhelmed that someone THAT old could look THAT good.
Now that I’m here and have found out that Floridians tell the world EVERYTHING that is personal, I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been “advised” NOT to share my age, but I don’t want to come off looking like a jerk. Two women today left in a huff when I didn’t tell. She said; “but you’re in FLORIDA”.
I’m curious about YOUR community!? Is it this open? Are the Floridians being nosey, or rude or just curious?
I’m sticking with the “I’m 29 and holding” statement that my mom used to say. That way, I can watch my friends grow old, and I’ll stay young forever!
Because of this question, I’m going through culture shock!! I even grew up here and I’m still going through culture shock!
Today was about the 5th time in a week that I’ve been asked: “how old are you?” The first 3 times I said “none of your business” and laughed my way out of it.. but now it’s getting serious… These Floridians all seem to want to know how old I am!
Why? Do I look older than I am? Do I look younger? Is it that I’m too immature to be this old? What is it?
Okay, it might be that they might be trying to see WHO I went to high school with, that is completely possible, but then again, why not ask: What year did you graduate?
I’ve lived in various places around the country. When I lived in NYC one time I think I asked a guy how old I was and he curtly replied, “oh, how AMERICAN of you”. I think I learned at that moment NOT to bring up age. Or perhaps it was when I was commenting on my friends’ luck that her husband was 16 years younger than her and she completely derailed the conversation and made me look foolish.. that I learned.. YOU DON”T ASK A PERSON”S AGE!!!
I thought it could never hurt! Oprah proudly tells everyone her age and says its horrible that women DON”T tell their age. But it DOES hurt! People are MESMORIZED by peoples’ ages! And they treat you different because of your age, and you can lose a job because of your age. Yes you can, because I did!
When the TV station found out that I was OLDER than their targeted demographic, I was immediately bumped to the anchor desk. Now.. I’m a SENIOR staff member. Sure, the 23 year old who replaced me was quickly discovered and moved on in her career but I know that the fact that I was a particular age gave them the idea that it was time to MOVE on. I liked anchoring but liked reporting a LOT more. There was a lot more freedom, but because of my AGE, I wasn’t able to keep the same position. I also know a major network anchor that goes to great lengths to conceal her age.
So me? I don’t TELL my age. Is that so bad? I think in Florida I’m looked upon as a snob and a freak! They look at me like I’m insane when I don’t divulge my age immediately.
But what I’ve learned is that people categorize you into a certain age GROUP that says.. “they’re older than me.. they can’t do as much as me” or they’re just SO overwhelmed that someone THAT old could look THAT good.
Now that I’m here and have found out that Floridians tell the world EVERYTHING that is personal, I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been “advised” NOT to share my age, but I don’t want to come off looking like a jerk. Two women today left in a huff when I didn’t tell. She said; “but you’re in FLORIDA”.
I’m curious about YOUR community!? Is it this open? Are the Floridians being nosey, or rude or just curious?
I’m sticking with the “I’m 29 and holding” statement that my mom used to say. That way, I can watch my friends grow old, and I’ll stay young forever!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Bad Customer Service Turned Around
It’s all in who you know…. Or can get to Know!
(Bad customer service turned around)
Yesterday I had a customer service issue that warranted my immediate attention. I had ordered a product that I desperately needed that was now about 6 weeks overdue the original back ordered date. I had made numerous calls to both the local and the national vendor over the past few weeks and had received different answers every single time. I had gotten the run around from corporate, from the local vendor, tried to make complaints on line and their server was down, and had left phone messages that had gone unreturned. I had been strung along, lied to and ignored. I was livid by the time I got them on the phone to let me know that it would now be another 10-14 days.
I told the woman that I trained in customer service and sales and that I also wrote and spoke nationally about companies. I told her that I was able to get this organization that I’m ordering through to cancel them as a vendor, but that I heard they had been very responsive towards some of the hurricane victims which I applauded. But that their service was unacceptable and that I was appalled they’d let someone fall through the cracks like they did. I asked what they were going to do for me to help ease my annoyance. She came back to the phone telling me the manager authorized a $5 gift certificate!
WHAT?? A $5 gift certificate? You think THAT is going to pacify me after waiting an extra 7-9 weeks for this item that I needed 8 weeks ago? I told her to please tell her manager that what would make me happy would be to order me two new free items. I told her that I’m not the type of customer that will go away; that I’m the one who will make sure there is change in the company. I told the lady I knew it wasn’t HER fault, but to please pass along to the manager that I expected her to compensate me MUCH more for my loss of time and frustration.
After I hung up, I steamed for a bit. I was outraged that a national company would treat a customer in such a manor. Before long though I got my bearings and figured that the national customer service manager would be the one to call. He is located out west and so I called and politely explained to the lady who answered that I had been given the run around for the past 7 weeks and was completely fed up. I said I needed a manager because now I was past the point of no return and I needed someone to really step in and help me.
Along came Jeff. Jeff had a deep and booming voice, was friendly from the start and listened to my concerns without arguing. He apologized to me and said it’s happened before, it unacceptable and then explained to me WHY they had had such problems. He said there was NO excuse but told me about the manufacturing back ups they had had, the short staff, the new customer service telephone system and how it was working and how it was still in the trial phase. He even mentioned that I probably didn’t NEED to know all of these details but just wanted to let me know that they WERE aware of the problem but that no one should be treated like I was.
I offered some suggestions to him about changing their voice mail, to ask for people’s patience during this time of transition. I said that people are more than willing to be patient if they know that there is a problem that is in the works of being fixed. If you IGNORE the problem, then the customer feels like they’re the ones being ignored, or the only ones falling through the cracks. Imagine if thousands of customers felt like that. That would make for one UNHAPPY customer service department!
Jeff listened, thanked me for my suggestions and then offered me to credit my account. He promised that he would personally take on the responsibility of getting my items to me. He gave me his personal line and told me to call him any time I had any problems. I thanked him and felt gratified.
I hung up and felt like I had been taken seriously. I felt like someone listened, and I felt happy that he compensated me for my frustration and at least part of the time I had spent chasing down their product that I desperately needed.
I wonder what would happen if each employee had the power to do what Jeff did? I wonder if they allowed all of their employees to “personally” take care of every customer with a complaint? Better yet, what if they tried to exceed EACH customer’s expectations BEFORE the problems?
But since they were attempting to catch up with their problems and rectify them, I had to give them a break. I hope they realize though in the interim, that they can educate the customers to what the issues are, and invite them to remain patience during this time of transition.
As a customer, I was ready to go to town getting their whole account cancelled from the organization from which I belong. I know the president of the organization who I might be able to convince to change vendors in the long run. That would have been literally thousands and thousands of dollars that the company would have lost.
Instead, I got the RIGHT guy on the phone who knew how to make me happy. He quieted me down, he compensated me for my frustration and he gained my respect along the way.
Sometimes, its all in who you know, or can GET to know that matters!
(Bad customer service turned around)
Yesterday I had a customer service issue that warranted my immediate attention. I had ordered a product that I desperately needed that was now about 6 weeks overdue the original back ordered date. I had made numerous calls to both the local and the national vendor over the past few weeks and had received different answers every single time. I had gotten the run around from corporate, from the local vendor, tried to make complaints on line and their server was down, and had left phone messages that had gone unreturned. I had been strung along, lied to and ignored. I was livid by the time I got them on the phone to let me know that it would now be another 10-14 days.
I told the woman that I trained in customer service and sales and that I also wrote and spoke nationally about companies. I told her that I was able to get this organization that I’m ordering through to cancel them as a vendor, but that I heard they had been very responsive towards some of the hurricane victims which I applauded. But that their service was unacceptable and that I was appalled they’d let someone fall through the cracks like they did. I asked what they were going to do for me to help ease my annoyance. She came back to the phone telling me the manager authorized a $5 gift certificate!
WHAT?? A $5 gift certificate? You think THAT is going to pacify me after waiting an extra 7-9 weeks for this item that I needed 8 weeks ago? I told her to please tell her manager that what would make me happy would be to order me two new free items. I told her that I’m not the type of customer that will go away; that I’m the one who will make sure there is change in the company. I told the lady I knew it wasn’t HER fault, but to please pass along to the manager that I expected her to compensate me MUCH more for my loss of time and frustration.
After I hung up, I steamed for a bit. I was outraged that a national company would treat a customer in such a manor. Before long though I got my bearings and figured that the national customer service manager would be the one to call. He is located out west and so I called and politely explained to the lady who answered that I had been given the run around for the past 7 weeks and was completely fed up. I said I needed a manager because now I was past the point of no return and I needed someone to really step in and help me.
Along came Jeff. Jeff had a deep and booming voice, was friendly from the start and listened to my concerns without arguing. He apologized to me and said it’s happened before, it unacceptable and then explained to me WHY they had had such problems. He said there was NO excuse but told me about the manufacturing back ups they had had, the short staff, the new customer service telephone system and how it was working and how it was still in the trial phase. He even mentioned that I probably didn’t NEED to know all of these details but just wanted to let me know that they WERE aware of the problem but that no one should be treated like I was.
I offered some suggestions to him about changing their voice mail, to ask for people’s patience during this time of transition. I said that people are more than willing to be patient if they know that there is a problem that is in the works of being fixed. If you IGNORE the problem, then the customer feels like they’re the ones being ignored, or the only ones falling through the cracks. Imagine if thousands of customers felt like that. That would make for one UNHAPPY customer service department!
Jeff listened, thanked me for my suggestions and then offered me to credit my account. He promised that he would personally take on the responsibility of getting my items to me. He gave me his personal line and told me to call him any time I had any problems. I thanked him and felt gratified.
I hung up and felt like I had been taken seriously. I felt like someone listened, and I felt happy that he compensated me for my frustration and at least part of the time I had spent chasing down their product that I desperately needed.
I wonder what would happen if each employee had the power to do what Jeff did? I wonder if they allowed all of their employees to “personally” take care of every customer with a complaint? Better yet, what if they tried to exceed EACH customer’s expectations BEFORE the problems?
But since they were attempting to catch up with their problems and rectify them, I had to give them a break. I hope they realize though in the interim, that they can educate the customers to what the issues are, and invite them to remain patience during this time of transition.
As a customer, I was ready to go to town getting their whole account cancelled from the organization from which I belong. I know the president of the organization who I might be able to convince to change vendors in the long run. That would have been literally thousands and thousands of dollars that the company would have lost.
Instead, I got the RIGHT guy on the phone who knew how to make me happy. He quieted me down, he compensated me for my frustration and he gained my respect along the way.
Sometimes, its all in who you know, or can GET to know that matters!
Monday, September 12, 2005
Anchors are Slanting the News
I’ve had to turn the TV off! I don’t know about you but I’m sick and tired of hearing the anchors on the news slat the questions against the Bush administration!
“Why do you suppose the Federal Government wasn’t ready?”
“Do you think it’s because New Orleans is full of blacks and not an affluent class of people?”
The questions go on and on. I saw one reporter ask Rudi Gulliani from NYC that this administration is getting deeply criticized and he got praised during his crisis, what should they have done differently? Mayor Gulliani gave a terrific response and said that now is the time to work, not to point fingers.
If you find out the real facts, you’ll find that both Governors of LA and MS were offered assistance BEFORE the floods and both turned them down from the State of Texas. They didn’t have any of the busses in place for them to bring people out of the state. And, the mayor of New Orleans HIMSELF gave 500 police officers and their families FREE vacations to Las Vegas just after a couple of days after the flood when numerous people STILL NEEDED TO BE SAVED!
Talk about BAD LEADERSHIP. Give me a BREAK. Do you think that Rudi Gulliani ever asked the Firefighters and police officers to go take a break in the weeks following the tragedy in NYC? As a person who lived in NYC during 9/11 and saw our own firefighters around the block still work when 15 of their brothers had been killed, I can tell you they were still ON THE JOB.
Maybe no one is blaming the governors of Louisiana and Mississippi because they’re both minorities! One is African American and one is a woman. Perhaps people are treading lightly because everyone ELSE is blaming the federal government and they refuse to report the REAL news… I wish the producers at CNN, CNN Headline News, NBC and the other networks would at LEAST be fair and tell BOTH sides. Stop leading the people down a path of destruction. You’re instigating hatred in our country instead of trying to heal the wounds.
I’ve been watching FOX & FRIENDS and I find that they show BOTH sides. They have presented the failings of the local government just as much. They’ve talked about how they didn’t even have a PLAN in place. They didn’t get the bus drivers of the bus’s, they didn’t have alliances with other states. They didn’t want anyone infringing in their territory, and now they yell at everyone else. And the media continues to support them.
It’s mind-boggling!
The news media is filled with adrenaline junkies. I know, I was one of them. It’s exciting to bring controversy and to get people on edge. That’s their JOB. In the news room, it’s who can bring the best scoop, the latest dish, and the most heartbreaking story to the table wins that day. THIS IS THEIR JOB. They’re there to find people to blame, and to shock. They’re sitting at their desks calling thousands of people to find the ONES who will be OUTSPOKEN and articulate.. and have an opinion that will shock and scorn. Trust me, I know, tons of my friends are and were producers.
The news directors that okay the news are there to make sure their stations get the ratings, so they can get the best advertisers. It’s a balance they have to meet, because they can’t be swayed by the advertisers. Yet, they have to support their jobs by the sales dept. selling advertising.
If you want to truly get the real news, make sure you don’t watch just one station. And do yourself a favor and turn on Fox and Friends at least once a day to see what they are covering. They’re not a bunch of blaming anchors interviewing people who are pointing fingers. They bring stories of hope to the people of America. And they present BOTH sides, not just ONE Side.
But better yet, just turn the TV off, and find your OWN way to help the victims. By now, they are making their way into all of our communities. A few toys, some gift cards and a home cooked meal is what they need now. Not people telling them how bad off they are.
Let’s look to the future and help those who need it now. And in the long run, when we’re struck by another catastrophe, we’ll remember how we all came together as a UNITED country, and not a DIVIDED one!
“Why do you suppose the Federal Government wasn’t ready?”
“Do you think it’s because New Orleans is full of blacks and not an affluent class of people?”
The questions go on and on. I saw one reporter ask Rudi Gulliani from NYC that this administration is getting deeply criticized and he got praised during his crisis, what should they have done differently? Mayor Gulliani gave a terrific response and said that now is the time to work, not to point fingers.
If you find out the real facts, you’ll find that both Governors of LA and MS were offered assistance BEFORE the floods and both turned them down from the State of Texas. They didn’t have any of the busses in place for them to bring people out of the state. And, the mayor of New Orleans HIMSELF gave 500 police officers and their families FREE vacations to Las Vegas just after a couple of days after the flood when numerous people STILL NEEDED TO BE SAVED!
Talk about BAD LEADERSHIP. Give me a BREAK. Do you think that Rudi Gulliani ever asked the Firefighters and police officers to go take a break in the weeks following the tragedy in NYC? As a person who lived in NYC during 9/11 and saw our own firefighters around the block still work when 15 of their brothers had been killed, I can tell you they were still ON THE JOB.
Maybe no one is blaming the governors of Louisiana and Mississippi because they’re both minorities! One is African American and one is a woman. Perhaps people are treading lightly because everyone ELSE is blaming the federal government and they refuse to report the REAL news… I wish the producers at CNN, CNN Headline News, NBC and the other networks would at LEAST be fair and tell BOTH sides. Stop leading the people down a path of destruction. You’re instigating hatred in our country instead of trying to heal the wounds.
I’ve been watching FOX & FRIENDS and I find that they show BOTH sides. They have presented the failings of the local government just as much. They’ve talked about how they didn’t even have a PLAN in place. They didn’t get the bus drivers of the bus’s, they didn’t have alliances with other states. They didn’t want anyone infringing in their territory, and now they yell at everyone else. And the media continues to support them.
It’s mind-boggling!
The news media is filled with adrenaline junkies. I know, I was one of them. It’s exciting to bring controversy and to get people on edge. That’s their JOB. In the news room, it’s who can bring the best scoop, the latest dish, and the most heartbreaking story to the table wins that day. THIS IS THEIR JOB. They’re there to find people to blame, and to shock. They’re sitting at their desks calling thousands of people to find the ONES who will be OUTSPOKEN and articulate.. and have an opinion that will shock and scorn. Trust me, I know, tons of my friends are and were producers.
The news directors that okay the news are there to make sure their stations get the ratings, so they can get the best advertisers. It’s a balance they have to meet, because they can’t be swayed by the advertisers. Yet, they have to support their jobs by the sales dept. selling advertising.
If you want to truly get the real news, make sure you don’t watch just one station. And do yourself a favor and turn on Fox and Friends at least once a day to see what they are covering. They’re not a bunch of blaming anchors interviewing people who are pointing fingers. They bring stories of hope to the people of America. And they present BOTH sides, not just ONE Side.
But better yet, just turn the TV off, and find your OWN way to help the victims. By now, they are making their way into all of our communities. A few toys, some gift cards and a home cooked meal is what they need now. Not people telling them how bad off they are.
Let’s look to the future and help those who need it now. And in the long run, when we’re struck by another catastrophe, we’ll remember how we all came together as a UNITED country, and not a DIVIDED one!
Friday, September 02, 2005
Learn to anticipate your Customer's Needs
This morning I was having breakfast with my good friend Diane at one of my favorite breakfast nooks. I enjoy the atmosphere there although I’ve been less than pleased with the customer service so far.
This morning when we decided to go to breakfast, my mouth started watering for their delicious scones. They usually have 3-4 kinds available such as chocolate chip, blueberry and cranberry. I have shared these with my mom a few times and always love it with raspberry or strawberry jam and a “spot” of mint tea and honey.
This morning was no different. I knew exactly what I wanted when I got there. When it was my time to order I asked the waitress to bring some jam with my scone. Her answer totally put me off and I got defensive. She said: “well, we might have some jelly, but most people want raspberry or strawberry and I’m not sure if I can find any, so you might have to have orange”.
The hot prickles hit the back of my neck and I got ticked! I’m the customer after all, paying you and I don’t care if you have to run down the street to get the right jelly, I know you have it.. so FIND it!
My answer surprised her. I said, “oh NO, that won’t do. I don’t eat orange. You’ll have to find me some of the other jams that I like”. (I think I even said I HATE orange... to be extra dramatic! Okay, so it's a little over the top... but I didn't WANT orange! )
Long story short, she found the jelly. But we were both a bit upset throughout the process. I was upset because I’m a regular customer and I know what the restaurant offers. She was upset because I challenged her and strongly suggested that she serve me what I wanted… which meant she was going to have to work a bit harder.
Learning to anticipate your customer’s needs means that when you find out that customers like a certain service, or a certain product more than others, then KEEP IT ON HAND. If they don’t like a certain system or they don’t like something that you offer, be willing to listen to the complaints and solve the problem first if you can. If you can’t, then sympathize with the customer, explain and offer a different solution! Never just say “no” to a customer if you want to keep them coming back.
For the waitress this morning to be effective, she’d have to go the extra step and tell her management that she’s noticing that they’re running low on Strawberry and Raspberry jelly. She’d have to request that the manager order EXTRA of those and keep them on hand at all time. She would have needed to handle me by saying that she'd do WHATEVER she could to find the jam I requested, and if she was unsuccessful, she'd figure something out. (If it came down to that, then she should offer me free scone or something of that nature.)
Pleasing her customers will bring bigger tips and what else? The all important returning customer!!! The 80-20 rule is always in effect: 20% of your customers will give you 80% of their business. That means that you HAVE to learn to know what the customers LIKE so you can be ready.
What about you? Are you ready for your customers? Do you know what they’ll complain about or what they want more of? Can you prepare in advance so you won’t be caught off guard?
Learning what your customers want is important. But learning what they will want NEXT is the sign of truly outstanding customer service.
This morning when we decided to go to breakfast, my mouth started watering for their delicious scones. They usually have 3-4 kinds available such as chocolate chip, blueberry and cranberry. I have shared these with my mom a few times and always love it with raspberry or strawberry jam and a “spot” of mint tea and honey.
This morning was no different. I knew exactly what I wanted when I got there. When it was my time to order I asked the waitress to bring some jam with my scone. Her answer totally put me off and I got defensive. She said: “well, we might have some jelly, but most people want raspberry or strawberry and I’m not sure if I can find any, so you might have to have orange”.
The hot prickles hit the back of my neck and I got ticked! I’m the customer after all, paying you and I don’t care if you have to run down the street to get the right jelly, I know you have it.. so FIND it!
My answer surprised her. I said, “oh NO, that won’t do. I don’t eat orange. You’ll have to find me some of the other jams that I like”. (I think I even said I HATE orange... to be extra dramatic! Okay, so it's a little over the top... but I didn't WANT orange! )
Long story short, she found the jelly. But we were both a bit upset throughout the process. I was upset because I’m a regular customer and I know what the restaurant offers. She was upset because I challenged her and strongly suggested that she serve me what I wanted… which meant she was going to have to work a bit harder.
Learning to anticipate your customer’s needs means that when you find out that customers like a certain service, or a certain product more than others, then KEEP IT ON HAND. If they don’t like a certain system or they don’t like something that you offer, be willing to listen to the complaints and solve the problem first if you can. If you can’t, then sympathize with the customer, explain and offer a different solution! Never just say “no” to a customer if you want to keep them coming back.
For the waitress this morning to be effective, she’d have to go the extra step and tell her management that she’s noticing that they’re running low on Strawberry and Raspberry jelly. She’d have to request that the manager order EXTRA of those and keep them on hand at all time. She would have needed to handle me by saying that she'd do WHATEVER she could to find the jam I requested, and if she was unsuccessful, she'd figure something out. (If it came down to that, then she should offer me free scone or something of that nature.)
Pleasing her customers will bring bigger tips and what else? The all important returning customer!!! The 80-20 rule is always in effect: 20% of your customers will give you 80% of their business. That means that you HAVE to learn to know what the customers LIKE so you can be ready.
What about you? Are you ready for your customers? Do you know what they’ll complain about or what they want more of? Can you prepare in advance so you won’t be caught off guard?
Learning what your customers want is important. But learning what they will want NEXT is the sign of truly outstanding customer service.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Charismatic Leaders Emerging in these Desperate Times
Our country has experienced a severe crisis with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. CNN and the other networks are doing an excellent job at showing Americans what is happening to our neighbors in Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama.
Our TV screens are filled with people who are desperate to be rescued, desperate for food and water, and desperate to find their loved ones. Their lives have been reduced to the clothes that they have on their back and as they walk around in shock, they know they have no where to go.
After going through the shock of being in NYC at the time of 9/11, I know that these people are in survival mode. They’re unable to feel anything at this moment. All they can think about right now is how to survive moment by moment. They’re not thinking about their bills that they have to pay, or the things that they lost. They are thinking about keeping their families safe and how to get to somewhere that has the basic amenities.
What is so inspiring to me are the many, many people in our country who are stepping up to the plate to help. School children, churches, organizations and even Mary Kay reps are rallying the support of the people they know to collect money, food and items to help the people who lost everything. These are the heroes that are going to lead our country back to its greatness. These are the people that we can get behind and support.
During the aftermath of 9/11, one of my good friends Katherine went to ground zero and volunteered her services. Before she knew it, she was organizing the food for all of the rescue workers who were working for months. Katherine worked far into the night, for no money and no rewards other than it was her civic duty to help these people. She organized the food and distributed the food. She worked among the dust and the ruins and she got others to join her in her effort. That shows leadership and charisma in desperate times.
The other day, another friend of mine in Charlotte, NC, Shari sat by the TV like most of us and felt humbled by what she saw. She didn’t know how she could help, but from the deepest pit of her soul, knew that she had to help those who have been devastated by this hurricane. Her idea lit her up and she has now spread it across the nation. She’s inspiring Mary Kay Reps to contact every single client that they have to sell products with the intention that the income that is derived from it will go to the victims. She has 138 women in her direct unit and if each of them sell to 10 people and make $250 apiece to donate, then her unit can send approx: $25,000 to the Red Cross. is www.marykay.com/sbraendel
THAT is taking immediate action. THAT is showing leadership. And THAT is someone who is charismatic and getting others to help NOW.
We can all gain insight from these women and thousands of others who are stepping up to the plate to offer assistance in the form of money, time, ideas and supplies. The call now is to each of us: “what can WE do to help?” Can we offer a home? Can we offer supplies? Can we offer money? Can we offer time? Can we pray for the survivors?
There is no doubt that our country has been blessed for years and years. We have our basic needs met on a daily basis and many of us live with luxuries that we now take for granted. We’ve been able to help many countries who are less fortunate than us. Much of that has been done by the politicians and the entertainers who have been so gracious to raise money.
But now the crisis is once again hitting us at home. We’re seeing the every day heroes emerge and encourage all of us to lend a helping hand. Lets support their leadership and support our neighbors and show the world, why this country is so great. We can’t be defeated and we won’t be defeated. We’ll rise up, and do what we have to do. The ones of us who are strong will lead the others to safety. No matter how desperate we get. We will still have great people who will help the weakened. It’s the great people of our country that will survive. We may not have our land, but we have the people and that is what makes up the U.S. We are still the United States of America, the greatest country in the world.
Our TV screens are filled with people who are desperate to be rescued, desperate for food and water, and desperate to find their loved ones. Their lives have been reduced to the clothes that they have on their back and as they walk around in shock, they know they have no where to go.
After going through the shock of being in NYC at the time of 9/11, I know that these people are in survival mode. They’re unable to feel anything at this moment. All they can think about right now is how to survive moment by moment. They’re not thinking about their bills that they have to pay, or the things that they lost. They are thinking about keeping their families safe and how to get to somewhere that has the basic amenities.
What is so inspiring to me are the many, many people in our country who are stepping up to the plate to help. School children, churches, organizations and even Mary Kay reps are rallying the support of the people they know to collect money, food and items to help the people who lost everything. These are the heroes that are going to lead our country back to its greatness. These are the people that we can get behind and support.
During the aftermath of 9/11, one of my good friends Katherine went to ground zero and volunteered her services. Before she knew it, she was organizing the food for all of the rescue workers who were working for months. Katherine worked far into the night, for no money and no rewards other than it was her civic duty to help these people. She organized the food and distributed the food. She worked among the dust and the ruins and she got others to join her in her effort. That shows leadership and charisma in desperate times.
The other day, another friend of mine in Charlotte, NC, Shari sat by the TV like most of us and felt humbled by what she saw. She didn’t know how she could help, but from the deepest pit of her soul, knew that she had to help those who have been devastated by this hurricane. Her idea lit her up and she has now spread it across the nation. She’s inspiring Mary Kay Reps to contact every single client that they have to sell products with the intention that the income that is derived from it will go to the victims. She has 138 women in her direct unit and if each of them sell to 10 people and make $250 apiece to donate, then her unit can send approx: $25,000 to the Red Cross. is www.marykay.com/sbraendel
THAT is taking immediate action. THAT is showing leadership. And THAT is someone who is charismatic and getting others to help NOW.
We can all gain insight from these women and thousands of others who are stepping up to the plate to offer assistance in the form of money, time, ideas and supplies. The call now is to each of us: “what can WE do to help?” Can we offer a home? Can we offer supplies? Can we offer money? Can we offer time? Can we pray for the survivors?
There is no doubt that our country has been blessed for years and years. We have our basic needs met on a daily basis and many of us live with luxuries that we now take for granted. We’ve been able to help many countries who are less fortunate than us. Much of that has been done by the politicians and the entertainers who have been so gracious to raise money.
But now the crisis is once again hitting us at home. We’re seeing the every day heroes emerge and encourage all of us to lend a helping hand. Lets support their leadership and support our neighbors and show the world, why this country is so great. We can’t be defeated and we won’t be defeated. We’ll rise up, and do what we have to do. The ones of us who are strong will lead the others to safety. No matter how desperate we get. We will still have great people who will help the weakened. It’s the great people of our country that will survive. We may not have our land, but we have the people and that is what makes up the U.S. We are still the United States of America, the greatest country in the world.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Sales Skills for the Non Sales Professional
Have you ever wondered how in the heck you’re going to do it? You are a lawyer who wants to make partner, an accountant, an engineer or other professional and part of your business plan is that you have to attract business customers? You’ve always detested selling, and you can’t see yourself doing it! As a matter of fact, sales people are a HUGE turn off to you!!!
Yet, you HAVE to bring in customers!!!
What ARE you going to do?
Many of my current or former clients fit the above description. Many of them finally contacted me, a coach, when they were in trouble because they had NO CLUE where to start. They decided that they did need help, and they realized that only a professional could rescue the mess that they’ve made.
And guess what? They survived! And not only did they survive, but they thrived! As soon as they realized that they didn’t need to change their personality, become a raving fan, or over the top, they relaxed and settled into learning what they had to do.
I’ll take you through a typical client and what they learn to do.
Kirk was a guy who found me in one of my Charisma classes! He was basically a smart fellow who was trying to make partner in his law firm. He had been told upon his hiring that he’d be responsible for attracting business to his company. He bluffed his way through the interview by mentioning how many people that he knew and how many big cases he had worked on successfully. He didn’t mention that the business wasn’t his, or that he was TERRIFIED of calling all of the people that he knew and asking for business!
When Kirk and I finally got together I asked him to start by naming all of his strengths. We went over all of the benefits that any of his clients or future clients would get by working with him. I had him post these in his office so he’d never doubt how talented he really is in work.
Next, we outlined what sorts of clients he should secure and then wrote a list of any current or former friends or colleagues that he knew. We developed an information sheet on each of them which would be later transferred to a contact management system such as ACT or Goldmine. On each of the sheets, Kirk had to go and write about the person. He wrote down anything he knew about them professionally or personally. These ranged from where they went to school to their spouses names, to their hobbies.
Next, we put them in order from A Accounts ( HUGE!!!) down to D accounts (Barely worth calling) and everyone in between. When all was said and done, Kirk had a list of about 25 people on the A list and those were the ones that we focused on.
Those names went into the computer. We then called and got all of their current information such as emails, secretaries names, firms, etc. We then wrote a letter that was sent to each of them announcing his new position and then said that Kirk would soon be giving a follow up call to say a quick hello. The letter was written in a casual manner, and not too formal. It definitely did NOT look like a form letter from a law firm!
Over time, Kirk redeveloped these people into friends. He did it by meeting them to play basketball, going to networking events with them, or inviting them to political speeches. He was able to get tickets for a few of them to different events and basically became a resource to the whole legal profession for most of them. Kirk became a FRIEND to these individuals, their firms and as a result, guess what happened?
Kirk started bringing in business of course! Not only that, but his bosses wanted to know what he was doing and how it all started. Needless to say, a few of his co workers were in the position to hire a coach and we duplicated Kirk’s experience.
Developing into a sales professional is a scary thought for someone who is afraid of sales. But turning into a resource for your friends and colleagues is not only fun, but a great way to learn and grow your business. And if you get stuck, call me! I’ll help you through!
Yet, you HAVE to bring in customers!!!
What ARE you going to do?
Many of my current or former clients fit the above description. Many of them finally contacted me, a coach, when they were in trouble because they had NO CLUE where to start. They decided that they did need help, and they realized that only a professional could rescue the mess that they’ve made.
And guess what? They survived! And not only did they survive, but they thrived! As soon as they realized that they didn’t need to change their personality, become a raving fan, or over the top, they relaxed and settled into learning what they had to do.
I’ll take you through a typical client and what they learn to do.
Kirk was a guy who found me in one of my Charisma classes! He was basically a smart fellow who was trying to make partner in his law firm. He had been told upon his hiring that he’d be responsible for attracting business to his company. He bluffed his way through the interview by mentioning how many people that he knew and how many big cases he had worked on successfully. He didn’t mention that the business wasn’t his, or that he was TERRIFIED of calling all of the people that he knew and asking for business!
When Kirk and I finally got together I asked him to start by naming all of his strengths. We went over all of the benefits that any of his clients or future clients would get by working with him. I had him post these in his office so he’d never doubt how talented he really is in work.
Next, we outlined what sorts of clients he should secure and then wrote a list of any current or former friends or colleagues that he knew. We developed an information sheet on each of them which would be later transferred to a contact management system such as ACT or Goldmine. On each of the sheets, Kirk had to go and write about the person. He wrote down anything he knew about them professionally or personally. These ranged from where they went to school to their spouses names, to their hobbies.
Next, we put them in order from A Accounts ( HUGE!!!) down to D accounts (Barely worth calling) and everyone in between. When all was said and done, Kirk had a list of about 25 people on the A list and those were the ones that we focused on.
Those names went into the computer. We then called and got all of their current information such as emails, secretaries names, firms, etc. We then wrote a letter that was sent to each of them announcing his new position and then said that Kirk would soon be giving a follow up call to say a quick hello. The letter was written in a casual manner, and not too formal. It definitely did NOT look like a form letter from a law firm!
Over time, Kirk redeveloped these people into friends. He did it by meeting them to play basketball, going to networking events with them, or inviting them to political speeches. He was able to get tickets for a few of them to different events and basically became a resource to the whole legal profession for most of them. Kirk became a FRIEND to these individuals, their firms and as a result, guess what happened?
Kirk started bringing in business of course! Not only that, but his bosses wanted to know what he was doing and how it all started. Needless to say, a few of his co workers were in the position to hire a coach and we duplicated Kirk’s experience.
Developing into a sales professional is a scary thought for someone who is afraid of sales. But turning into a resource for your friends and colleagues is not only fun, but a great way to learn and grow your business. And if you get stuck, call me! I’ll help you through!
Building a Strong Coaching Practice
As a person who has been around the coaching profession for a number of years, I wish I could say that my practice is full right now. But the fact is that I’ve been pursuing TV gigs in the last few years and haven’t put much emphasis on building my individual coaching practice. I’ve also been blessed to receive several corporate coaching and training jobs so the individual coaching has taken a back seat.
But I’ve recently moved to a new state and have had a chance to evaluate what I want my schedule to be in the coming months. I’m currently working from home so I can be available for my son because he is in school for the first time and I feel I need to be around. I’ve decided to ramp up my individual coaching once again so I’m making my plans. Since I’ve done this before I have a plan. I did it in NJ, NYC, and NC and now I’ll be doing it in FL. I’m also pursuing corporate coaching and training opportunities. For these I use professionally designed promotional materials and videos of me speaking and leading workshops.
For my individual practice, I have a website which has attracted people nationally. In addition, I’ve done speaking in different parts of the country which has brought in clients. This past year I did a few national TV tours and secured a few clients from there. In years past, I’ve been highlighted in the newspaper or magazines and that always brought interest, but to be honest, mostly from curiosity seekers! I’ve gotten several clients that were referrals from other clients. But most of my individual coaching clients have come from me doing workshops.
What workshops can a coach provide? We’ve all heard about branding and finding a niche. That is true to a certain extent, but I started from what I already know. I started where I felt I was already an expert. I was an expert in selling. I decided to teach that, and from that sprang many other courses such as communication, customer service, telephone skills, time management, creativity workshops, team building and so on. Once you deliver a few workshops that you build from scratch, you’ll be getting the experience you need to accumulate information for articles, books, workbooks, tapes and other products.
What are you an expert in? Where do your talents lie? Have you trained people in getting in shape? Have you taught people better vocabulary skills? Were you a computer trainer? Start wherever you are, get training, free clients, and the word will spread. Start giving workshops at local community colleges, learning centers, at your church or even out of your home. Advertise ahead of time at least 3 workshops that will be presented. Give out free information at each seminar in exchange for their business card and when you get home, develop an email list where you can send a newsletter discussing your business.
As for me, I’m now in the process of building more workshops to my repertoire. I’ll write several new programs this year and start marketing them locally and eventually nationally. Now that I’ve discovered I enjoy writing creatively, I’ve started and am writing articles for different ezine newsletters.
Building a coaching practice takes time. It’s a process that takes a few months or even a few years, but worth it. The lifestyle of knowing I can pick up my son nearly every day at 2:30 and get to work out almost every day while still adding value to my clients every week has its advantages. There’s a lot of work up front, but the personal and professional rewards are enormous.
But I’ve recently moved to a new state and have had a chance to evaluate what I want my schedule to be in the coming months. I’m currently working from home so I can be available for my son because he is in school for the first time and I feel I need to be around. I’ve decided to ramp up my individual coaching once again so I’m making my plans. Since I’ve done this before I have a plan. I did it in NJ, NYC, and NC and now I’ll be doing it in FL. I’m also pursuing corporate coaching and training opportunities. For these I use professionally designed promotional materials and videos of me speaking and leading workshops.
For my individual practice, I have a website which has attracted people nationally. In addition, I’ve done speaking in different parts of the country which has brought in clients. This past year I did a few national TV tours and secured a few clients from there. In years past, I’ve been highlighted in the newspaper or magazines and that always brought interest, but to be honest, mostly from curiosity seekers! I’ve gotten several clients that were referrals from other clients. But most of my individual coaching clients have come from me doing workshops.
What workshops can a coach provide? We’ve all heard about branding and finding a niche. That is true to a certain extent, but I started from what I already know. I started where I felt I was already an expert. I was an expert in selling. I decided to teach that, and from that sprang many other courses such as communication, customer service, telephone skills, time management, creativity workshops, team building and so on. Once you deliver a few workshops that you build from scratch, you’ll be getting the experience you need to accumulate information for articles, books, workbooks, tapes and other products.
What are you an expert in? Where do your talents lie? Have you trained people in getting in shape? Have you taught people better vocabulary skills? Were you a computer trainer? Start wherever you are, get training, free clients, and the word will spread. Start giving workshops at local community colleges, learning centers, at your church or even out of your home. Advertise ahead of time at least 3 workshops that will be presented. Give out free information at each seminar in exchange for their business card and when you get home, develop an email list where you can send a newsletter discussing your business.
As for me, I’m now in the process of building more workshops to my repertoire. I’ll write several new programs this year and start marketing them locally and eventually nationally. Now that I’ve discovered I enjoy writing creatively, I’ve started and am writing articles for different ezine newsletters.
Building a coaching practice takes time. It’s a process that takes a few months or even a few years, but worth it. The lifestyle of knowing I can pick up my son nearly every day at 2:30 and get to work out almost every day while still adding value to my clients every week has its advantages. There’s a lot of work up front, but the personal and professional rewards are enormous.
How to Handle Getting Caught off Guard
I remember the time that I swore to myself that I’d never be caught off guard again. I was in my new job on Capital Hill and it was the first week on the job. My new mentor at the office was the daughter of the other US Senator from Nevada so she knew everyone who was anyone. I tagged along with her one day to a meeting and I found myself in a mess!
She introduced me to the President of Zimbabwe! I shook his hand and all of a sudden about a thousand flashes went off! None of the photographers knew that I was just a newcomer on Capital Hill, but every single one got a picture of me …. And I’m sure what turned out was the “deer in the headlights” look. I completely froze, and looked up completely shaken up. I had NO idea that the photographers were even THERE and then on top of that, why would they want a picture of me?
I’ve since learned to take a great picture anywhere. You name it, the driver’s license, Sam’s Club to get a member card, at weddings or any function, I have trained myself that the second that I know a camera is around, I “eyeball the eye of the camera” and give my best smile; for as long as I need to!
But how do we handle situations in which we get caught off guard? Like asking to speak on a moments notice? What if someone yells at you at work for something that happens? What if you are asked to deliver a toast at an event? Or how about being asked to deliver a message or read a poem at a class reunion? That happened to me at my last reunion, and I told them that as a professional speaker, I never go anywhere unprepared. Therefore, at the encouragement of my husband, I turned them down.
But what if you can’t turn them down? What if you HAVE to get up and give a speech? What if you are lambasted in front of people at your workplace and can barely come up for air before you are supposed to respond?
I think that in any crisis situation, and these are DEFINITELY crisis situations, that it’s best to always have a plan. Here is what I recommend that my clients do:
Know that you are going to be caught off guard at some point.
Make a plan and memorize the plan.
When it happens, tell yourself to take several breaths and calm down.
Next, identify WHAT it is that the person wants from you. Do they want and need a response right then? Can the response wait?
If it can wait, then tell them thank you for expressing their views and that you’ll get back to them as soon as you have had a bit to think about it. Then, go to your office or get somewhere quiet and process what you need to do and say. Call a friend or mentor that you trust to help guide you through it.
If you have to address the situation right there, your plan is to come off as poised and confident as possible. Hold yourself together until you can respond without flying off the handle or saying anything stupid.
Address the situation. Ask yourself: What is the bottom line? What do you need to do or to say to make the other person or people happy?
Deliver your lines. Look the other person or people in their eyes as you deliver your lines. Do it with the most amount of sincerity as possible.
Be available to discuss it afterwards. Remain calm. You can always freak out later.
After the fact, reassess how you did. What would you have changed if you could go back? Store that in your memory bank and chalk one up to being ready!
A great example of someone being ready when they were caught off guard was Mayor Rudy Gulianni of NYC after 9/11. He went on TV almost immediately after almost being suffocated by the towers. He remained calm and showed sympathy to others even as the news of his good friends’ death was delivered to him.
Mayor Gulianni had been prepared. He had been reading about leadership and Winston Churchill the night before the tragedy. He was able to recall the story of how Churchill led his people in desperate times, and Guliani was able to call to memory this story as he himself had to present himself as a strong leader.
Being prepared takes time of course. But being prepared and ready for the unexpected can catapult you to the next level in your career. It can make people stand up and notice, and can teach you that anyone can survive and thrive, when they expect the unexpected!
She introduced me to the President of Zimbabwe! I shook his hand and all of a sudden about a thousand flashes went off! None of the photographers knew that I was just a newcomer on Capital Hill, but every single one got a picture of me …. And I’m sure what turned out was the “deer in the headlights” look. I completely froze, and looked up completely shaken up. I had NO idea that the photographers were even THERE and then on top of that, why would they want a picture of me?
I’ve since learned to take a great picture anywhere. You name it, the driver’s license, Sam’s Club to get a member card, at weddings or any function, I have trained myself that the second that I know a camera is around, I “eyeball the eye of the camera” and give my best smile; for as long as I need to!
But how do we handle situations in which we get caught off guard? Like asking to speak on a moments notice? What if someone yells at you at work for something that happens? What if you are asked to deliver a toast at an event? Or how about being asked to deliver a message or read a poem at a class reunion? That happened to me at my last reunion, and I told them that as a professional speaker, I never go anywhere unprepared. Therefore, at the encouragement of my husband, I turned them down.
But what if you can’t turn them down? What if you HAVE to get up and give a speech? What if you are lambasted in front of people at your workplace and can barely come up for air before you are supposed to respond?
I think that in any crisis situation, and these are DEFINITELY crisis situations, that it’s best to always have a plan. Here is what I recommend that my clients do:
Know that you are going to be caught off guard at some point.
Make a plan and memorize the plan.
When it happens, tell yourself to take several breaths and calm down.
Next, identify WHAT it is that the person wants from you. Do they want and need a response right then? Can the response wait?
If it can wait, then tell them thank you for expressing their views and that you’ll get back to them as soon as you have had a bit to think about it. Then, go to your office or get somewhere quiet and process what you need to do and say. Call a friend or mentor that you trust to help guide you through it.
If you have to address the situation right there, your plan is to come off as poised and confident as possible. Hold yourself together until you can respond without flying off the handle or saying anything stupid.
Address the situation. Ask yourself: What is the bottom line? What do you need to do or to say to make the other person or people happy?
Deliver your lines. Look the other person or people in their eyes as you deliver your lines. Do it with the most amount of sincerity as possible.
Be available to discuss it afterwards. Remain calm. You can always freak out later.
After the fact, reassess how you did. What would you have changed if you could go back? Store that in your memory bank and chalk one up to being ready!
A great example of someone being ready when they were caught off guard was Mayor Rudy Gulianni of NYC after 9/11. He went on TV almost immediately after almost being suffocated by the towers. He remained calm and showed sympathy to others even as the news of his good friends’ death was delivered to him.
Mayor Gulianni had been prepared. He had been reading about leadership and Winston Churchill the night before the tragedy. He was able to recall the story of how Churchill led his people in desperate times, and Guliani was able to call to memory this story as he himself had to present himself as a strong leader.
Being prepared takes time of course. But being prepared and ready for the unexpected can catapult you to the next level in your career. It can make people stand up and notice, and can teach you that anyone can survive and thrive, when they expect the unexpected!
Saturday, August 27, 2005
The Key of Being Remembered at a Party
Today was the first birthday party of the school season. Everyone at the party was fairly new because all of our kids are in kindergarten so no one really had the advantage over anyone else. Everyone was great at introducing themselves and meeting each other.
At one point the host of the party walked by and asked me: “is there anyone you don’t know?” I laughed because I’ve lived here for 1 month, and everyone is new to me! But a few of the gals noticed that I was introducing everyone to each other and they seemed to be impressed. They said they were going to have to take a class to learn how to remember names and I told them that I taught one! At first they thought I was joking, but then I told them that I really DID teach communication skills, and it’s actually EASY.. if you just know how.
I realized a LONG time ago that remembering peoples’ names is definitely a skill worth learning! It’s something that other people admire and it will be at least ONE “thing” that will help people remember YOU.
I told the ladies that the easiest way to remember someone’s name is to repeat it a few times within the context of the conversation. One lady said that she’d FORGET the name even before she would even get to SAY the name again! I told her that it’s perfectly fine to touch the person on the arm, look in their eyes, and ask what their name was again! This way they’ll know you’re sincere and TRYING to remember their name.
The conversation can be sprinkled with questions and using the name during the question process is easy! “Sue, it’s nice to meet you! Now, who is your child? Ahh.. yes.. And Sue, is your husband here?”
Another GREAT way to remember everyone’s name is to introduce anyone new you met to someone else. That way you get to say his or her name once again and it’ll remain fresh in your mind.
No telling whether I’ll remember everyone’s name the next time I see them if I don’t practice seeing their names in my mind now, but from what I can see, this group is worth getting to know. The people I met today were interesting, charming and memorable.
And I’m happy that I know how to remember names, because now, I can focus on getting to know THEM, and not just their names!
At one point the host of the party walked by and asked me: “is there anyone you don’t know?” I laughed because I’ve lived here for 1 month, and everyone is new to me! But a few of the gals noticed that I was introducing everyone to each other and they seemed to be impressed. They said they were going to have to take a class to learn how to remember names and I told them that I taught one! At first they thought I was joking, but then I told them that I really DID teach communication skills, and it’s actually EASY.. if you just know how.
I realized a LONG time ago that remembering peoples’ names is definitely a skill worth learning! It’s something that other people admire and it will be at least ONE “thing” that will help people remember YOU.
I told the ladies that the easiest way to remember someone’s name is to repeat it a few times within the context of the conversation. One lady said that she’d FORGET the name even before she would even get to SAY the name again! I told her that it’s perfectly fine to touch the person on the arm, look in their eyes, and ask what their name was again! This way they’ll know you’re sincere and TRYING to remember their name.
The conversation can be sprinkled with questions and using the name during the question process is easy! “Sue, it’s nice to meet you! Now, who is your child? Ahh.. yes.. And Sue, is your husband here?”
Another GREAT way to remember everyone’s name is to introduce anyone new you met to someone else. That way you get to say his or her name once again and it’ll remain fresh in your mind.
No telling whether I’ll remember everyone’s name the next time I see them if I don’t practice seeing their names in my mind now, but from what I can see, this group is worth getting to know. The people I met today were interesting, charming and memorable.
And I’m happy that I know how to remember names, because now, I can focus on getting to know THEM, and not just their names!
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Growing Your Network of People can be Easy and Fun!
A few years back when I moved to Charlotte, NC for the first time, I came with high hopes of starting my business for the first time. We picked Charlotte because it was a growing city with a lot of potential. There was a booming down town and cultural events were starting to make their way to the area.
I didn’t know a soul in town so I did what any self respecting business professional would do! I opened the Yellow Pages and started calling. I called the first company that listed Public Relations. And literally that was ALL I needed to do! From that one call, I met everyone I needed to in the city!
What happened was this. The man on the other end of the phone said, “what are you buying or what are you selling?” I said, “neither, I’m a new in town, a former celebrity agent and I want to meet people”. That opened the conversation, and he gave me 5 names which I followed up on, and they gave me names, and so on and so on. Before I knew it, I was hosting a party at my house for 50 people… all new friends!
Granted, now that I’m a mommy, my social network has to do more with fundraising for the schools than with building my business. But I still use the same concept when I’m out and about, and I encourage my clients to do the same.
When meeting new people, identify with people for who you WANT to be, or who you WANT to meet. For instance, you are currently at “xyz” company but HOPING to make a career switch into “the dream job”. This way, people will respond to this and if they have any contacts that might be able to help, you’ve opened the door.
After they’ve been gracious to offer help if they can, then turn the conversation immediately over to them. What do THEY do, where are they from or how do they like this lovely city where you now both live? Give them a chance to show their expertise, and share about their life. Be enthusiastic about what they’ve done and ask questions.
When you depart, ask them if there is anyone else that they think you might enjoy meeting? Then promise to email them the next day to follow up. When you write them the next day, be sure to thank them and offer to help them if they need it.
Start keeping a list of new people that you meet and what they do and what it is that they WANT. If you can bring value to these people along the way somehow, then they’ll remember you and be a resource for you when you need it too.
Moving to a new city, or starting a new business are great times to start networking. But growing your network of new contacts or friends can happen at any time you want. And all you have to do is to open the phone book and start calling!
I didn’t know a soul in town so I did what any self respecting business professional would do! I opened the Yellow Pages and started calling. I called the first company that listed Public Relations. And literally that was ALL I needed to do! From that one call, I met everyone I needed to in the city!
What happened was this. The man on the other end of the phone said, “what are you buying or what are you selling?” I said, “neither, I’m a new in town, a former celebrity agent and I want to meet people”. That opened the conversation, and he gave me 5 names which I followed up on, and they gave me names, and so on and so on. Before I knew it, I was hosting a party at my house for 50 people… all new friends!
Granted, now that I’m a mommy, my social network has to do more with fundraising for the schools than with building my business. But I still use the same concept when I’m out and about, and I encourage my clients to do the same.
When meeting new people, identify with people for who you WANT to be, or who you WANT to meet. For instance, you are currently at “xyz” company but HOPING to make a career switch into “the dream job”. This way, people will respond to this and if they have any contacts that might be able to help, you’ve opened the door.
After they’ve been gracious to offer help if they can, then turn the conversation immediately over to them. What do THEY do, where are they from or how do they like this lovely city where you now both live? Give them a chance to show their expertise, and share about their life. Be enthusiastic about what they’ve done and ask questions.
When you depart, ask them if there is anyone else that they think you might enjoy meeting? Then promise to email them the next day to follow up. When you write them the next day, be sure to thank them and offer to help them if they need it.
Start keeping a list of new people that you meet and what they do and what it is that they WANT. If you can bring value to these people along the way somehow, then they’ll remember you and be a resource for you when you need it too.
Moving to a new city, or starting a new business are great times to start networking. But growing your network of new contacts or friends can happen at any time you want. And all you have to do is to open the phone book and start calling!
The Art of Giving a Toast
Today one of my clients is throwing one of her good friends a 40th birthday party. She actually used to date him and now they’re good friends. She has the perfect dress, has supplied the beautiful country club for the party and now she was considering whether or not she should also give a host!
My answer to her? ALWAYS give a toast if you can!!!
First of all, whoever is throwing the party has a responsibility of welcoming people to the event. It’s nice to publicly introduce yourself and welcome everyone. It also establishes your credibility when you speak in front of people
Next, it’s an opportunity to show off! When people see you completely composed in a somewhat stressful situation, they’re impressed. Little do they know how much preparation when on behind the scenes. You can make it look like you pulled the toast out of thin air!
When writing a toast, there are a few things to do that will make your job easier.
How do you want to come across? Do you want the toast to be fun, lighthearted and funny or do you want it serious? This will help you determine the “story” that you share during the toast.
How do you feel about the person? What do they mean to other people? How do people respond to them as individuals? Are they funny, articulate, smart, a great dresser or a terrific story teller? Be specific and write down all of the adjectives that you can to describe this person.
What is a funny story or a really great story that you can tell about this person? Is there some secret passion that this person has that causes them to spend excessive time on something? Was there a time that the two of you were together that impressed you or made you laugh? What story can you think of that EXPLAINS what this person is to you? This can be lighthearted or serious, depending upon the tone that you want to create in the room and with the toast.
Lastly, what does this person mean to YOU? Do you want to honor them? Do you love them? Do you admire them?
After you’ve put together your toast it should look something like this:
“Welcome to the 40th Birthday party for our friend Clyde. It’s great to see everyone here. For those who know Clyde, you’ll know that he is a determined, fun and successful individual. But there is something that you might NOT know about Clyde!!
Tell funny or poignant story here…. And when the laughter dies down..
“So tonight, we wish to honor you Clyde, for who you are to all of us. We appreciate you, we love you and we wish for you many more happy and healthy years to come.”
The story that you tell is extremely important. But even MORE important is how often you practice this speech! Practice it in front of the mirror dozens of times until the words role off your tongue gracefully. Tape yourself as you practice and rewrite it as you go along. Practice visualizing yourself in the room beforehand, and practice looking at people in the eyes so during your speech you’ll be able to do that with ease. During the last part, when you’re bringing honor to the person, look at that person RIGHT in the eyeballs with as much sincerity as you can muster up, to let them know that you genuinely do care.
If you do all of these things, you’ll blow the people away. The response you’ll get is “wow, I wish I could just pull something like this out of my hat” and “that was such a great toast… good job”.
No one has to know that you practiced over and over until it felt right. No one has to know that you changed the toast dozens of times until you got the story right. But what you and everyone else WILL know is that after you’ve given the speech and knocked it out of the park, your status will be elevated.
By presenting an incredible toast you will have created a great memory for the person you are honoring. And THAT is who its all about, after all!
My answer to her? ALWAYS give a toast if you can!!!
First of all, whoever is throwing the party has a responsibility of welcoming people to the event. It’s nice to publicly introduce yourself and welcome everyone. It also establishes your credibility when you speak in front of people
Next, it’s an opportunity to show off! When people see you completely composed in a somewhat stressful situation, they’re impressed. Little do they know how much preparation when on behind the scenes. You can make it look like you pulled the toast out of thin air!
When writing a toast, there are a few things to do that will make your job easier.
How do you want to come across? Do you want the toast to be fun, lighthearted and funny or do you want it serious? This will help you determine the “story” that you share during the toast.
How do you feel about the person? What do they mean to other people? How do people respond to them as individuals? Are they funny, articulate, smart, a great dresser or a terrific story teller? Be specific and write down all of the adjectives that you can to describe this person.
What is a funny story or a really great story that you can tell about this person? Is there some secret passion that this person has that causes them to spend excessive time on something? Was there a time that the two of you were together that impressed you or made you laugh? What story can you think of that EXPLAINS what this person is to you? This can be lighthearted or serious, depending upon the tone that you want to create in the room and with the toast.
Lastly, what does this person mean to YOU? Do you want to honor them? Do you love them? Do you admire them?
After you’ve put together your toast it should look something like this:
“Welcome to the 40th Birthday party for our friend Clyde. It’s great to see everyone here. For those who know Clyde, you’ll know that he is a determined, fun and successful individual. But there is something that you might NOT know about Clyde!!
Tell funny or poignant story here…. And when the laughter dies down..
“So tonight, we wish to honor you Clyde, for who you are to all of us. We appreciate you, we love you and we wish for you many more happy and healthy years to come.”
The story that you tell is extremely important. But even MORE important is how often you practice this speech! Practice it in front of the mirror dozens of times until the words role off your tongue gracefully. Tape yourself as you practice and rewrite it as you go along. Practice visualizing yourself in the room beforehand, and practice looking at people in the eyes so during your speech you’ll be able to do that with ease. During the last part, when you’re bringing honor to the person, look at that person RIGHT in the eyeballs with as much sincerity as you can muster up, to let them know that you genuinely do care.
If you do all of these things, you’ll blow the people away. The response you’ll get is “wow, I wish I could just pull something like this out of my hat” and “that was such a great toast… good job”.
No one has to know that you practiced over and over until it felt right. No one has to know that you changed the toast dozens of times until you got the story right. But what you and everyone else WILL know is that after you’ve given the speech and knocked it out of the park, your status will be elevated.
By presenting an incredible toast you will have created a great memory for the person you are honoring. And THAT is who its all about, after all!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Conversation Starters
This arbicle just got written for ezinearticles.com I thought I'd drop it into my blog since I didn't get to write today!!! :)
Conversation Starters:
In my many charisma courses that I teach, I am constantly amazed at the high quality of person that shows up to take the classes. The people are usually attractive, articulate and professional. I’ve had many doctors, lawyers, accountants, sales professionals, entrepreneurs and other professionals in the classes. The reasons they come are usually to feel more comfortable in something that some of us take for granted: The dreaded SMALL TALK.
I usually ask for a show of hands to find out who LIKES small talk. Two or three hands go up but usually, the people are shrinking away under a table when they are facing the very thought of it.
It always surprises me even still that there are all of these articulate, confident and knowledgeable people out there, who really just don’t know what to say to start a conversation. The majority of them are extremely comfortable in their job or talking about their work, but when it comes to the getting to know people part, outside of work, they just freeze up.
There are some really good things to remember about small talk. First of all: it’s necessary. Second, MANY people don’t like it so it’s worth YOU getting comfortable with it. And third, it really doesn’t matter WHAT you talk about, it just has to remain SMALL. I’ll explain later.
The small talk part of the conversation is really just to warm each other up. It’s an opportunity to feel the person’s mood out, their status, or your compatibility. You get a “feel” for a person and that’s what small talk is mostly about. You start thinking… “are they all about themselves? Or, do they care about me, the listener”.
I usually get a few different types that come to class:
The conversation hog – who eats up all the time chatting about him or herself.
The interrogator – Who drills others but never volunteers any information about themselves.
The “Let’s pretend I’m not even here” person – who fades into the background and lets everyone ELSE do the talking
And, the warm, delightful conversationalist who just doesn’t have the confidence in themselves.
The last item, happens to be the bulk of the people. And it’s something so important to know: That nearly EVERYONE feels uncomfortable even if they LOOK comfortable.
Social situations are nerve wracking for MANY people so the most important thing is that you TAKE CONTROL of the situation and be the one who LOOKS comfortable.
Your job is to make OTHERS comfortable. I like to say, to pretend it’s a party that you’re giving, and you’re the host. So your job is to find out about others and make them glad they came to your party.
Start by asking people questions about the OBVIOUS. What is obvious at that minute? How about …. “so how do you know our host?” Or, “have you taken these classes before?” If you are at a networking event, you could state the obvious, “so you work in Human Resources? How long have you been at your present company?”
It really doesn’t matter what you ask them. But, make sure if you lead in with a comment about the weather or something that you follow up with a question that they can answer.
Remember: WWWHW – Who, What, Where, When, How, and lastly Why? (Asking WHY questions can sound like you might be challenging the person so it’s best to avoid if at all possible.)
Next, an easy formula to remember is FORM: Family, Occupation, Recreation and Message. ( aka; their passion). You can ask about any of these things and people will light up because they are now talking about themselves.. their favorite topic!!!
Lastly, small talk is SMALL. Many people go off on tangents and start talking about something more in depth than they should in a small talk environment. This is the time for BULLET POINTS.. not the whole story. For instance, if someone asks HOW you injured your leg, just give them the brief story, “I hurt it in kickboxing”; rather than a long winded story that will bore everyone to tears!
Conversation starters are really easy if you focus on getting to know the other person. If you focus on engaging them and making THEM feel comfortable, rather than worry about how you are appearing, you’re bound to make a new contact, a new friend, and hopefully, have a good time in the process!
For more information contact: mary@marygardner.com or visit Mary at www.marygardner.com
Conversation Starters:
In my many charisma courses that I teach, I am constantly amazed at the high quality of person that shows up to take the classes. The people are usually attractive, articulate and professional. I’ve had many doctors, lawyers, accountants, sales professionals, entrepreneurs and other professionals in the classes. The reasons they come are usually to feel more comfortable in something that some of us take for granted: The dreaded SMALL TALK.
I usually ask for a show of hands to find out who LIKES small talk. Two or three hands go up but usually, the people are shrinking away under a table when they are facing the very thought of it.
It always surprises me even still that there are all of these articulate, confident and knowledgeable people out there, who really just don’t know what to say to start a conversation. The majority of them are extremely comfortable in their job or talking about their work, but when it comes to the getting to know people part, outside of work, they just freeze up.
There are some really good things to remember about small talk. First of all: it’s necessary. Second, MANY people don’t like it so it’s worth YOU getting comfortable with it. And third, it really doesn’t matter WHAT you talk about, it just has to remain SMALL. I’ll explain later.
The small talk part of the conversation is really just to warm each other up. It’s an opportunity to feel the person’s mood out, their status, or your compatibility. You get a “feel” for a person and that’s what small talk is mostly about. You start thinking… “are they all about themselves? Or, do they care about me, the listener”.
I usually get a few different types that come to class:
The conversation hog – who eats up all the time chatting about him or herself.
The interrogator – Who drills others but never volunteers any information about themselves.
The “Let’s pretend I’m not even here” person – who fades into the background and lets everyone ELSE do the talking
And, the warm, delightful conversationalist who just doesn’t have the confidence in themselves.
The last item, happens to be the bulk of the people. And it’s something so important to know: That nearly EVERYONE feels uncomfortable even if they LOOK comfortable.
Social situations are nerve wracking for MANY people so the most important thing is that you TAKE CONTROL of the situation and be the one who LOOKS comfortable.
Your job is to make OTHERS comfortable. I like to say, to pretend it’s a party that you’re giving, and you’re the host. So your job is to find out about others and make them glad they came to your party.
Start by asking people questions about the OBVIOUS. What is obvious at that minute? How about …. “so how do you know our host?” Or, “have you taken these classes before?” If you are at a networking event, you could state the obvious, “so you work in Human Resources? How long have you been at your present company?”
It really doesn’t matter what you ask them. But, make sure if you lead in with a comment about the weather or something that you follow up with a question that they can answer.
Remember: WWWHW – Who, What, Where, When, How, and lastly Why? (Asking WHY questions can sound like you might be challenging the person so it’s best to avoid if at all possible.)
Next, an easy formula to remember is FORM: Family, Occupation, Recreation and Message. ( aka; their passion). You can ask about any of these things and people will light up because they are now talking about themselves.. their favorite topic!!!
Lastly, small talk is SMALL. Many people go off on tangents and start talking about something more in depth than they should in a small talk environment. This is the time for BULLET POINTS.. not the whole story. For instance, if someone asks HOW you injured your leg, just give them the brief story, “I hurt it in kickboxing”; rather than a long winded story that will bore everyone to tears!
Conversation starters are really easy if you focus on getting to know the other person. If you focus on engaging them and making THEM feel comfortable, rather than worry about how you are appearing, you’re bound to make a new contact, a new friend, and hopefully, have a good time in the process!
For more information contact: mary@marygardner.com or visit Mary at www.marygardner.com
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
God Can See your Heart
Today is the day that I’m getting back into exercise. I sprained my ankle last week and although I’ve been swimming and rode the stationary bike, today was the day that I decided to go for a 1 hour walk.
Near the end of my walk today I got yelled at. No, SCREAMED at would be a better choice of words. I was about to cross over across the street and a car was whipping around a circle to the left of me. I hesitated as he did because I thought he was going to go around the circle and turn back around. I didn’t know that he intended to turn left, right in front of me. Still, I hesitated to see where the car went.
I was staring to the left to see what the car would do with one foot on the street. The car whizzed by and slowed down just enough for me to hear the expletives coming out of his mouth about me using the sidewalk. He said, “Jesus &^% / Christ, why don’t you use the crosswalk, I’ll fun your &*%$# over!”
Now I can pretty much guarantee that this guy wasn’t praying to Jesus Christ at that moment. He was using the Lord’s name in vain. And an interesting thing happened to me… for the first time!!!
I felt sorry for him!!! I actually felt sorry for this young guy who was driving to fast, screaming obscenities out the car window and being basically a jerk to me. I also know because I have some years on me now, that that poor guy will “get his”. He’s either got a lot of stress in his life right now and doesn’t know how to manage it, or he’ll be dealing with a lot in the future. These are the things that I actually thought about!!!
The reason that I’m so shocked at my own reaction is that previously, if anyone would get in my face about anything, it would take me a bit of time, but I’d get it together and then I’d LET THEM HAVE IT. I’d just tell them off or somehow get back at them with every bit of certainty that they had displayed earlier.
Once in Charlotte, I had a neighbor who I complained to at 1am that their music was on too loud. They never responded to my knocking so I rang the doorbell. The next morning, the wife reamed my husband out so bad that when he came in, he was calling her crazy! I went over to try to smooth things out and she screamed and yelled and cussed at me just as much. I cowardly walked away but got my revenge. Not only did I tell everyone what bad neighbors they were, I got the music to stop by going to the board of the neighborhood and forcing them to stop the constant pounding every night.
That ruined the relationship for the first 2 years that we lived there. I never wanted to be friends with someone with such a violent temper.
But what was really going on for her? Was she in a bad place in her life? Was there a time where someone else had pressured her or her family to do something?
I never chose to look at those things. I chose to ignore her and treat her like she didn’t exist. I can tell you from experience, it is not a good way to live! There are many awkward moments that occur, and it’d just be easier to forgive and forget.
She was actually the one who initiated the conversation again. One day she just waved and said “Hi, how are you?” I responded somewhat pleasantly and from then on, we waved whenever we saw one another.
But I can’t tell you that I liked her. No, I still felt like she was an awful woman who didn’t want to be a good neighbor.
When I compare my two reactions, I felt so much more peace just forgiving the guy and going on with things. I didn’t react at all to him but I know that his day is probably ruined. Holding a grudge is HARD. You have to avoid the person so you don’t have to be in an awkward position. You have to look the other way when they approach you to act like you don’t see them and then having to totally ignore a person takes so much creative work and effort!
Forgiveness is a whole lot easier! All you have to do is forgive the person and realize that they’re not at their best at that moment. Hopefully, they’ll regret their actions and make amends but even if you don’t, you’ll feel better just by forgiving them right away. When you don’t forgive someone, your emotions become bitter, and bitterness eats away at your insides. Literally. It can cause stress and even sickness.
I can just imagine that today, the angels that were watching today, recorded something good about me. Perhaps they all nudged each other, smiled and said.. “yah, NOW she’s getting it! Now she understands what it takes to become mature”.
I know in my heart that I felt better this time about the lousy experience. I know that God saw me honestly feel sorry for that young guy. And I know that it made God happy.
Now, if he can JUST work on making that GUY happy…. !
Near the end of my walk today I got yelled at. No, SCREAMED at would be a better choice of words. I was about to cross over across the street and a car was whipping around a circle to the left of me. I hesitated as he did because I thought he was going to go around the circle and turn back around. I didn’t know that he intended to turn left, right in front of me. Still, I hesitated to see where the car went.
I was staring to the left to see what the car would do with one foot on the street. The car whizzed by and slowed down just enough for me to hear the expletives coming out of his mouth about me using the sidewalk. He said, “Jesus &^% / Christ, why don’t you use the crosswalk, I’ll fun your &*%$# over!”
Now I can pretty much guarantee that this guy wasn’t praying to Jesus Christ at that moment. He was using the Lord’s name in vain. And an interesting thing happened to me… for the first time!!!
I felt sorry for him!!! I actually felt sorry for this young guy who was driving to fast, screaming obscenities out the car window and being basically a jerk to me. I also know because I have some years on me now, that that poor guy will “get his”. He’s either got a lot of stress in his life right now and doesn’t know how to manage it, or he’ll be dealing with a lot in the future. These are the things that I actually thought about!!!
The reason that I’m so shocked at my own reaction is that previously, if anyone would get in my face about anything, it would take me a bit of time, but I’d get it together and then I’d LET THEM HAVE IT. I’d just tell them off or somehow get back at them with every bit of certainty that they had displayed earlier.
Once in Charlotte, I had a neighbor who I complained to at 1am that their music was on too loud. They never responded to my knocking so I rang the doorbell. The next morning, the wife reamed my husband out so bad that when he came in, he was calling her crazy! I went over to try to smooth things out and she screamed and yelled and cussed at me just as much. I cowardly walked away but got my revenge. Not only did I tell everyone what bad neighbors they were, I got the music to stop by going to the board of the neighborhood and forcing them to stop the constant pounding every night.
That ruined the relationship for the first 2 years that we lived there. I never wanted to be friends with someone with such a violent temper.
But what was really going on for her? Was she in a bad place in her life? Was there a time where someone else had pressured her or her family to do something?
I never chose to look at those things. I chose to ignore her and treat her like she didn’t exist. I can tell you from experience, it is not a good way to live! There are many awkward moments that occur, and it’d just be easier to forgive and forget.
She was actually the one who initiated the conversation again. One day she just waved and said “Hi, how are you?” I responded somewhat pleasantly and from then on, we waved whenever we saw one another.
But I can’t tell you that I liked her. No, I still felt like she was an awful woman who didn’t want to be a good neighbor.
When I compare my two reactions, I felt so much more peace just forgiving the guy and going on with things. I didn’t react at all to him but I know that his day is probably ruined. Holding a grudge is HARD. You have to avoid the person so you don’t have to be in an awkward position. You have to look the other way when they approach you to act like you don’t see them and then having to totally ignore a person takes so much creative work and effort!
Forgiveness is a whole lot easier! All you have to do is forgive the person and realize that they’re not at their best at that moment. Hopefully, they’ll regret their actions and make amends but even if you don’t, you’ll feel better just by forgiving them right away. When you don’t forgive someone, your emotions become bitter, and bitterness eats away at your insides. Literally. It can cause stress and even sickness.
I can just imagine that today, the angels that were watching today, recorded something good about me. Perhaps they all nudged each other, smiled and said.. “yah, NOW she’s getting it! Now she understands what it takes to become mature”.
I know in my heart that I felt better this time about the lousy experience. I know that God saw me honestly feel sorry for that young guy. And I know that it made God happy.
Now, if he can JUST work on making that GUY happy…. !
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