Sales Skills for the Non Sales Professional

Have you ever wondered how you’re going to do it? You are a lawyer who wants to make partner, an accountant, an engineer or other professional and part of your business plan is that you have to attract business customers? You’ve always detested selling, and you can’t see yourself doing it! As a matter of fact, sales people are a huge turn off to you.

Yet, you have to bring in customers!

What are you going to do?

Many of my current or former clients fit the above description. Many of them finally contacted me, a coach, when they were in trouble because they had no idea where to start. They decided that they needed help sort through the challenge set before them.

And guess what? They survived! And not only did they survive, but they thrived! As soon as they realized that they didn’t need to change their personality, become a raving fan, or over the top, they relaxed and settled into learning what they had to do.

I’ll take you through a typical client and what they learn to do.

I recently coached a gentleman that was trying to make partner in his law firm. He had been told upon his hiring that he’d be responsible for attracting business to his company. He bluffed his way through the interview by mentioning how many people that he knew and how many big cases he had worked on successfully. He didn’t mention that the business wasn’t his, or that he was terrified of calling all of the people that he knew and asking for business!

When he and I got together I asked him to start by naming all of his strengths. We went over all of the benefits that any of his clients or future clients would get by working with him. I had him post these in his desk so he’d never doubt how talented he really is in work.

Next, we outlined what sorts of clients he should secure and then wrote a list of any current or former friends or colleagues that he knew. We developed an information sheet on each of them which would be later transferred to a contact management system such as ACT or Goldmine or Constant Contact. On each of the sheets, he had write about the person. He wrote down anything he knew about them professionally or personally. These ranged from where they went to school to their spouses names, to their hobbies.

Next, we put them in order from “A” Accounts (The really big ones) down to “D” accounts (Barely worth calling) and everyone in between. When all was said and done, my client had a list of about 25 people on the A list and those were the ones that we focused on.

Those names went into the computer. We then called and got all of their current information such as emails, secretaries names, firms, etc. He then wrote a letter that was sent to each of them announcing his new position and then said that he would soon be giving a follow up call to say a quick hello. The letter was written in a casual manner, and not too formal. It definitely did NOT look like a form letter from a law firm!

Over time, my client redeveloped these people into friends. He did it by meeting them to play basketball, going to networking events with them, or inviting them to political speeches. He was able to get tickets for a few of them to different events and basically became a resource to the whole legal profession for most of them. He became a FRIEND to these individuals, their firms and as a result, guess what happened?

He started bringing in business of course! Not only that, but several associates wanted to know what he was doing and how it all started.

Developing into a sales professional is a scary thought for someone who is afraid of sales. But turning into a resource for your friends and colleagues is not only fun, but a great way to learn and grow your business.


Mary Gardner, President of Lifestyles Communications Inc. Lifestyles Communications Inc. is dedicated to helping individuals understand and succeed in the new virtual, internet and global marketplace. Mary has coached and consulted for executives, professional athletes, entrepreneurs, and individuals in interpersonal communication tactics, business communication, public speaking, and has spoken professionally throughout the country. If you have a coaching question contact Mary at mary@marygardner.com or web: www.marygardner.com or www.lifestylescommunications.com

Professional Conferences are Great for Advancing Career

How does an entrepreneur keep up with the cutting edge of their trade, become an industry leader or get to network with other industry professionals in a casual and fun atmosphere?

It seems so easy but often times heading out of town to a national industry conference may seem like taking too much time out of an already packed schedule. After all, we can all read the trade magazines, the latest best sellers and go to local or regional conferences with not much effort. But one might not recognize is that the rewards are phenonominal when going to a national conference related to ones’ industry.

I just returned from Atlanta and attending the national conference of the Emarketing Association (www.emarketingassociation.com) . I want to keep on the cutting edge when consulting to my current and future clients who are building their businesses. And I hoped get some good tips or perhaps meet some great contacts.

In reality, there is no way that I could have learned as much by simply keeping up with the trades. I may have not been selected as next years’ Emcee. There is no way that I could have met the sharp and savvy speakers who were highlighted at the conference unless I had been there in person. The speakers came from all over the country and highlighted the most current and up to date information and statistics of what is working in online marketing for companies. Google sponsored the conference and hosted a cocktail party to show their latest additions. Coca Cola representatives spoke about keeping customers engaged with the website by their online awards program which keeps the customers coming back over and over. Danny Kastner, CEO of FanRocket out of LA, who was a contestant on The Apprentice, showed us creative, catchy videos that his clients and companies are using to drive traffic to their site to increase sales. He pointed out that entertainment is necessary to sell online, even if you’re selling weed killer! And Ken Lipscomb, CEO of Fourspots.com shared pre-made commercials that companies can purchase from them at extremely affordable prices, tailor to their needs and have them on the air within minutes. He also shared with us how small to mid sized companies can increase their sales by a few million a year by adding unique TV advertising campaigns in their offices!

Hearing EMarketing Association founder Robert Fleming speak was a highlight. He shared the marketing profession is in a period of significant transition. The old rules are changing and now the messages we send have global implications. He feels that if U.S. businesses don’t keep up and lead the way, we’re at risk of losing our strong economy. He said it is our American duty to build strong businesses to keep our economy strong and that we are in a global commerce and we are going to have to work harder to keep up with the changes

All of these individuals are now professional associates and friends, because at conferences the advantage is getting the chance to hang out socially between the breaks or after the day is finished. Here are my tips to make the most of any conference:

1) Come in a day early well rested if possible. Hang out in the bar the night before the conference. Others from the conference will be doing the same and you’ll get a head start with meeting people. 2) Understand that most people are there solo or with one or two others so take advantage of that fact and meet everyone you can. Be the one who breaks the ice with others and people will be grateful. 3) Have your business cards ready to give out and a pen. Write what you spoke about on the back of their card and follow up when you return with a hand written note. 4) Ask questions to all of the speakers so they focus in on you and so does everyone in the audience. If you’re more familiar to others, it’ll be easier to meet others. 5) Meet each speaker up close and personal after they speak if possible. Trade cards and then bring value to them somehow when you write and follow up such as sending them information that might be helpful. 6) Introduce yourself to the conference chair from the moment you arrive and ask who he or she recommends you meet. That is the one person who knows everyone and can help you most. 7) Relax and have fun! The most successful people at conferences are the ones who are easy to talk with, who are open about sharing information and who are helpful to others. And of course, be careful not to booze it up too much even though the temptation is there because that’s the impression you’ll leave.
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Technology is changing our businesses rapidly and if we don’t jump on board and learn as much as we can we will be left in the dust by our foreign friends. I learned that it is our DUTY to work hard for our economy and to be profitable. National conferences are a great place to advance ourselves and our businesses. Put it in the budget! And if you need an exciting and fun Emcee, call me!

Showing Your Strengths at Work

I was recently with a client whose star power in his career is rising. He’s the young hot shot at the company who was recruited from another firm and is now settling in at the new one. He’s watching his P’s and Q’s, and learning the ins and outs of what makes a successful executive at his new firm.

One of the things that he’s required to do is to speak at meetings and at conferences. For some reason, the thought of that just absolutely terrifies him. Although he had done it in his previous career, he’s now facing a whole new set of rules in an unfamiliar territory. He wants to appear knowledgeable and comfortable, yet feels he has a lot to learn before he officially arrives there in reality.

I shared with him that part of the reason he was recruited was to ADD a fresh new perspective to the company who hired him. They don’t expect him to know everything about THEM yet, but to show the leadership skills as a professional that will help lead the new team. And part of that is to jump on board and be willing to learn what it is going to take to help make the company successful.

We looked at all of the skills that he brought to the table. He’s got expertise in his career field, and he has brought in many new clients over the course of his career. He’s a likeable guy, creative and good at understanding people. With these characteristics, we were able to start constructing a “message” that he will be able to bring to his company, throughout the next several months.

He shared with me that he really believes that each person has something to offer to the company that can be creative and innovative. He enjoys spending personal time with those he manages to get to know them personally, and believes that when employees feel valued, they are more likely to be loyal and to work hard on your behalf. With that in mind, we planned a series of meetings that he’ll conduct with his new team. We brainstormed about different topics that will bring extra value to his team, and to his company at large, and he’s now preparing about 10 different “messages” based on his own strengths and what he believes this company needs. The “messages” are short, but effective. He’ll share a few stories from individuals he admires like Jack Welch and Bill Gates and historical characters like Thomas Jefferson.

His style is motivational, so he’ll sprinkle his conversation with his team with quotes, and he’ll challenge the team to consider these messages and how they can apply to their own strategies at work.

In regards to his “image” with the powers that be, his strategy is to show up to every meeting prepared, with something of value to share, and to provide content to the others about strategies, ideas, concepts, research or anything that might be able to help move this company forward. He’s willing to put in the extra time now, to prepare a bit for the future.

Working with this client has brought anticipation to both of us, and an eagerness to reach out and to work hard to do the job right. When we get on the phone, we brainstorm the possibilities as well as address the hurdles set before him.

Having someone to speak with about displaying your strengths at work is important. It gives the person a strategy to follow and a map to guide them. With an attitude and work ethic like this, how can he do anything but succeed?

Beethoven’s Inspiration

Have you ever had a talent that you let slide away? Perhaps you had a sport or hobby from childhood that you worked long and hard at, and then in one full swoop, you gave it up. Perhaps you spent so many years toiling over it that you finally had just had enough? You got to the point where you never wanted to participate in that activity again since it had caused you so much agony over the years?

That was how I was with piano. My mom made me practice over and over and over. Even though the practice made me quite proficient at playing difficult pieces, I still wasn’t a natural at reading music. I had to practice until I could learn the notes and finally I would have practiced it so many times that I naturally memorized it. By that time, I was driving my whole family crazy with the same song like The Entertainer, which drove my sister and brothers crazy for years! Any time I wanted to get under their skin, I’d play that song. Of course, it’d make my parents happy that I was playing after all of the money they spent on lessons, and the ultimate was that I got my siblings raging mad! So for then, playing piano was a perfect fit for me and of course the best part was annoying my siblings!

Through the years, I’ve poked around at the piano, but still have the same challenge of not really reading notes fluidly. But when I realized that playing piano is on my life time goals list, then I realized that I was going to have to start from ground zero, and start learning about it. So yesterday, I picked up a music book with Beethoven’s 5th symphony and started reading about him and about his music so I could start to understand how the music was inspired.

I set about to start reading after I had sent my son to school. That is when the house is quiet and the birds are outside singing and all is good with the world. That is the time of day that all good things are a possibility, and all of the stress from getting ready for school is gone, and I feel one with the world.

So, I sat down to read about Beethoven. What I read was really interesting! Beethoven started writing music at age 25. He wrote most of his music between the ages of 30 -45. He started going deaf at that time and by the time he was in his 40s he was completely deaf. Interestingly enough, the silence brought him his most masterful work, since he was unable to hear the critics and able to tune out any clutter in the world and concentrate completely on his music that existed in his head.

Beethoven was a master at repetition. It was almost as if he was drilling into the listener’s ear about his purpose in life was to bring this certain melody to the world and that he wanted you to GET IT. But using repetition can be monotonous to the listener and can just kill a piece. So what Beethoven did was he would use a variation of the line and alter the notes ever so slightly, still to make it sound like it was in unity with the other part of the music, but different enough to make it interesting. This was part of his brilliance and he sometimes worked for months and years to perfect each piece. Until he found the right note or combination of notes and made it perfect, it wasn’t complete.

I started thinking about repetition in our own lives and how we use it. We tell our kids the same things redundantly, “wash your hands, brush your teeth, say please and thank you.” And still, we must continue drilling it in because they always forget. We tell our spouses to take out the trash or please help with the chores and we share with our work associates to keep focused or to continue their own personal growth. But how many times do we start sounding like a broken record? Are people really listening to us? Are we becoming monotonous and deadly to our friends and family?

Next time you start hearing yourself yelling at your kids or find yourself repeating the same old line you’ve mumbled a thousand times, try some variety! Instead of telling your kids they’ll be punished, tell them they’ll be tickled! Or instead of leading a meeting the same way at the same time every week, perhaps throw in some humor or a story to change things up a bit. Show your friends and family that you care for them, the listener, by being willing to change your own tune, vary your voice and your message, just a bit, so the same theme is gotten across, just in a different way.

Looking to Beethoven for guidance on life might be a stretch, or it might be a lifesaver. Depending upon how you look at it.

Try it on for size. And just once, your audience may actually approve… and take action!

Sometimes it's Technology to Blame, and Not the Person..

Recently having read Elisabeth Gilbert’s EAT, PRAY, LOVE, an engaging book that discloses the Italian’s claim on how Americans lack pleasure in their lives, I was inspired to set out on a little Italian adventure of my own. To satisfy my craving for more leisure and fun…and for a tasty, time-honored Italian meal…I decided to try and make home-made pasta and “gravy” (the red sauce with meat).

While I started out with great confidence, enthusiasm, and the traditional ingredients, I unfortunately lacked an essential component: a pasta drying rack. Still enthused, however, I got on my mobile phone and started calling stores who I thought might have what I needed.

After about a half hour of unsuccessful searching, I finally reached a woman (Eve) in a local store who seemed at least knowledgeable about the rack, although her store was temporarily out of them. Eve was very cheerful and helpful until I asked her for a recommendation of where else I might find this item. I started naming stores, brainstorming aloud possible specialty locations, and babbling on about the recipe. Then I stopped for a minute to ask her if she agreed with me that one particular culinary store might carry the rack in question. Within seconds the phone went “click.” I was aghast. I sat on the other end of the phone, shocked at her appalling attitude. What nerve, I thought.

Now I realized I probably rambled on a bit, it was a busy time of year for her, and had no doubt come across as a novice chef who might not prove to be a frequent or valuable customer for her store, and I was talking about going to the competition. Yet I was seeking expert advice, and manners are manners, right? So to hang up on me? How rude! I was steaming by then, thinking all kinds of vengeful thoughts. Just wait until I go down there and tell her I’m in the communication business and “thank” her for my next negative example of customer service!

Setting out to find my drying rack, I dressed in my most intimidating suit. My plan was to stop by her store on the way home and confront Eve about her disrespect. I would have my delicious pasta dish, prove the Italians wrong, and settle the scores with this bad-mannered woman. When I got to the store, I inquired how to find the department where Eve worked. The manager knew who I was asking about, escorted me to the specialty department, all the while raving about Eve’s knowledge and service approach: she had apparently worked there since the store opened and had contributed a great deal to the store’s success. I thought to myself, if you only knew!

The manager introduced us and walked away with another customer. Upon meeting, while my initial instinct was to pointedly tell this lady how rude she had been to hang up on me, my good grace and sense thankfully took over at the last minute. She was much older than me, very tiny with tidy hair and clothing, and had a warm smile. I suddenly felt like I was standing in my grandmother’s kitchen. I began by apologizing for being so green at this “cooking thing,” but I was the one who had called about the pasta drying rack…and well, I was surprised that she had hung up on me!

The astonished look on Eve’s face showed me immediately that I had it all wrong. In careful detail, she explained what had happened on the other end of the phone. My phone, it seemed, was going in and out and she was having a hard time understanding me. She had continued to try to tell me that she couldn’t hear me well, and that suddenly I wasn’t there anymore. She felt terrible, as she had determined that I was desperate for this item and so excited about a first attempt at home-made pasta, and hoped and figured I’d call her back. She had even called a few other stores around to ask if they had the rack I was looking for.

Her face and sincere tone told me she was telling the truth. She was so lovely, and in the end, I told her that even though I was embarrassed by my own intentions, I was glad I had come. She gave me some lasagna preparation tips and showed me a few other tools that might help me starting out in the kitchen. I learned a lot that day…about cooking, about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, and about the possible harms of technology.

As I drove home, I started thinking about that afternoon as a microcosm of a much bigger picture. While the technological age has advanced us as a productive society and has significantly increased our ability to communicate, there are some ironic, downside risks. How many times have you been on a cell phone and you or the other person have lost charge or coverage? Think about the advertisements we see that expose these ill-fated circumstances…the woman telling her partner they are pregnant, and he doesn’t react with the enthusiasm she anticipates because he’s lost the call!

What about the emails we send with important requests that never get a reply? Has the message been blatantly ignored, or did the message go into some “undeliverable” vortex? How many times have we accidentally sent a message to the wrong address by hastily hitting enter in the drop-down address list? Or misinterpreted the content or tenor of an email message that was written quickly?

Technology is now so intertwined with communication, both for personal and business gain, we really can’t imagine living without it. It connects us around the world, and gets the job done instantly! Another article could be dedicated to the benefits of technology for sure. But as with any modern-day convenience, when technology is involved, some challenges are bound to occur. After all, humans created it, and we humans aren’t perfect.

The key is to anticipate problems, avoid or prevent them whenever possible, and most importantly, don’t be completely dependent on technology. Let’s not forget the old-fashioned way of communicating – conversing in person! Driving down to the store and talking to the kind and helpful associate…

Here are a few quick tips to consider:

· If feasible, meet face to face. There is no better way in history to develop productive relationships than to interact…live. Conversing face to face allows us to ask questions, read non-verbal cues, make sure messages get interpreted as they’re meant to…and it’s fun.

· Pick up the phone. Speaking to a person live is the next best thing to being there, right? More so than the written word, speaking on the phone allows us to “read” sincerity, intent, and implication. Not only meaning, but motive can get lost in translation in emails, memos, and sometimes even voicemails.

· When communicating in writing, select your words carefully, use a positive tone, write complete thoughts instead of fragments. Avoid techno-speak or “instant” spelling. Review what you’ve read to check for tone. If using email, double check the “to” line to ensure the correct recipients.

· Assume positive intent, behave rationally, and keep a level head when corresponding with others, regardless of the communication vehicle. If something gets misinterpreted, take responsibility. Remain calm, and ask about the other person’s viewpoint. And never ever, just “assume,” for this can be a big mistake! Sometimes, it’s the technology to blame, not the person!

Even through we do occasionally have challenges with communication technology, we’ve got to be thankful for it and remember how far we’ve come. After all, remember the telegram… the fastest method of written form we had a few short years ago, replacing ox carts moving across town with the mail!

The Power of One

Last week I had the distinct pleasure of attending the Social Networking Conference in Miami Florida. I was only able to attend one day out of the two and I was able to attend as a press person representing the Orlando Business Journal where I have a regular column.

Verna, who works for Mark Brooks’s company, Courtland Brooks Agency was the press contact who sat me on a bench and brought one interesting entrepreneur to me after another. She kept my plate full with dynamic people doing incredible things on the web.

One such person was a guy by the name of Markus Frind. Markus is a regular kind of guy who looks really smart and wears really cool glasses but when I saw his company name, I nearly got weak at the knees. I started jumping up and down and screaming like I was meeting a rock star. And to me, I was!!! My husband had just recently read an article about Markus who is the owner and founder of the number 1 dating website in the world called Plentyoffish.com Before I stopped screaming and jumping up and down I quickly called my husband and asked him the name of the website we were reading about recently. When he announced it was plentyoffish.com, I promptly handed the phone over to him and introduced the two programmers to one another.

Before you start thinking that I’m a complete geek, let me share, that one report stated that Markus makes about 10 million $ a year off of his free social networking site. Although he didn’t confirm it to me, he told me he stopped sharing the amount of money he was now making. Oh yah, and did I mention, that he only has one employee?? And his biggest competitors, like eharmony or match.com employee 400-500 people? Markus is just ONE person, and he’s recently hired one gal to work for him.

After getting over my initial shock that I was sitting with Markus Frind, the founder of www.plentyoffish.com, I settled in on asking the questions that I wanted to know! I wasn’t interested in how he did it necessarily; I was more interested how one person could achieve such dramatic results, and what sort of person he was to focus on one major purpose like he did.

So my questions started: why did he pick opening a dating website? Because he wanted to service as many people in the general population as possible. How did he do it with just one person? He focused every single day on how to make it better and while he would listen to the feedback from the participants, he ultimately listened to his gut instinct. Why was his site so special I asked? Not because it looked good he told me. He said programmers like bells and whistles, but the average person just wants it to work. That’s all they care about! He doesn’t try to make it look good. He just wants it to be great at allowing people to meet. Then I asked where he worked and what sort of person he was? He told me he grew up on a farm in Canada, originally from Germany and he didn’t know the language when he moved there, but over time he grew up and found he liked programming. He told me he lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and didn’t any distractions. He was competitive, and just loved that he was like David in David and Goliath. I loved that scenario. I loved it that he was sitting in an apartment continuing to make his site better and better, and not out spending all of his money on himself. He didn’t get caught up in the glamour of the money and continued to keep his life simple. I commented to him that now he could afford boats and cars and houses anywhere. He did admit to buying a BMW, but that was about it. He also travels a lot now but other than that, he still likes things simple.

It was such a pleasure to meet Markus. I am impressed by his accomplishment of course, but more than that, by how he chooses to live. He lives simply and without the bravado. It made me want to scale back, and to stop the thousands of things that I do, and think about the ONE thing that I want to achieve.

What about you? Do you have one project that gets you up early every day and keeps you up at night? Do you spend your precious energy thinking about how to make it better or more improved?

Just think about what one person can do. When one person gets completely focused, and puts all of their heart, mind and soul behind a project, the possibilities are limitless.

The power of One.
It’s all we really need.
The power of ONE.

Living with Sensory Processing Disorder Successfully

I’ve spent thousands of dollars on Occupational therapy for my son who has had Sensory Processing Disorder and ADHD. I believe in Occupational Therapy and who knows where we’d be if we didn’t have the OT. But I’ve found how to integrate it into our life, and save us some money.

My son loved OT and I know the many benefits that he received from it. But it didn’t come without a struggle. Each session was $60 per half hour, or $120 an hour. I loved seeing him thrash around in the mats, swinging on the swings or spinning, running and jumping. I knew that he was getting mental benefits as well as physical and we continued the work at home by doing jumping on the trampoline, wheel barrels and crab crawls. But the money I was spending without being reimbursed started to cut into other things I wanted to do for my son. For instance, I wanted to get him allergy testing, but that $1300 for the test was something I’d have to save for, so we cut out OT.

I’ve made hundreds of little changes in our lifestyle over the past year and a half since I became somewhat educated about my child’s needs. It truly has been a series of trying something and seeing if it worked, and trying another to see if that worked. Some days, it seems we have moved forward several steps, but then we can take several steps backwards in one day, or one giant, dramatic episode.

Here are a few things I’ve learned about my son. I need complete structure in the house and with his routine. He gets up at a certain time, eats, bathes and does story time every day and every night. We have to plan far in advance to do something out of the ordinary, and the whole house has to be set up to accommodate that. That means, if we have cub scouts or basketball practice, then the house has to be clean before he gets home and I will focus 100% of my time on him before he goes. If we have a play date, the date wraps up at exactly 5PM so I can get home and get dinner on the table by 6:15 and have him in the tub by 7PM. His bedtime is strictly 8:30 and there is no negotiating.

I’ve learned that I have to spend more time with him in the afternoon. I get all of my work and chores done during the day around my work, so when he gets home, I play with him and part of that play is his OT. He jumps on the trampoline, we box, wrestle, go hunting for treasures in the yard or go for a walk. The afternoon routine always consists of homework and exercise.

I have learned that TV and play dates with other kids are rewards. For good behavior, he can watch a cartoon. He does not get to plop down in front of the TV whenever he wants or turn on the computer. He has to do his home work and gets to play with friends if he has good and we usually plan these play dates. We do this so there is not much stimulation and there isn’t a lot of chance where he can get over stimulated.

All throughout the morning and day and evening, I rub Jeremy’s muscles. I scratch his back and affectionately massage his legs, arms or feet. In the bathtub I scrub him with a washcloth and he always makes sure that I get under his armpits! That wash cloth takes the place of the OT brush and the massage he gets throughout the day must help too. He doesn’t seem to complain about it because I tell him we want to warm up his muscles and keep him in shape.

I have asked Jeremy to help me get in shape so we do push ups together, crab crawls and bear crawls. We race each other and we compete. In the evenings or in the mornings, I have my husband wrestle with Jeremy or have Jeremy try to push my husband over by pushing his hands against my husbands’ hands. This helps with the upper body strength and is similar to wall push ups. The wrestling is good for his body as well and acts like the mats in therapy.

Bath time used to be the worst time of the day. Getting him in and out of the tub was a literal nightmare. I dreaded it for the hour before bath time. Now, I give him choices. He can stay in the tub for the whole time or he can get out and watch 15 minutes of TV. He has choices to make and it doesn’t matter to me which choice he makes, it is up to him. He usually gets out the tub to watch a few minutes of TV. I have stopped screaming for him to get out of the tub. I simply give him a choice of two things: tub or TV. If he chooses to stay up for longer than he is supposed to, then he loses a play date with friends the next day. If he gets in bed on time, then he gets a special reward and I’ll make a special play date for him the next day if I’m able.



We’ve experimented with no dairy, magnet therapy, supplements and tae kwan do. We’ve done allergy testing, toxin testing and are hoping to do Mind mapping in the near future. My goal is to get him off of any type of ADHD medication. We’ll keep doing different therapies until we’ve found the magic potion of what works for him. We regularly read healing scriptures and the Psalms in the Bible.

We are on a journey together and I’m definitely not “there” but I have learned a few things along the way. I’ve learned that my child needs me to keep him comfortable and needs me to structure his life. I’ve learned that yelling isn’t the answer and that building up his body is a process but it’s one that is worth the effort. I’ve learned that putting him first above everything else has worked for me. My career is on hold. Marketing is on hold. Moving ahead with dream projects are on hold. Jeremy has my complete and full attention at the moment.

I’ve never worked so hard in my life. I don’t even eat sugar or drink alcohol much anymore because it might affect my mood and I just don’t have time to slow down. I do many of my workouts at home with hand weights, pushups and lunges because I know I need to be strong for this journey.

My son has made me into a better person. His challenges that he had early on due to a premature delivery has made us all work harder in our life. But I see a remarkable person developing right in front of me. He’s smart about nutrition and exercise. He understands the value of hard work. He sees that when he eats well and exercises that people comment positively on his body. He has such in depth knowledge of historical bible characters from the cartoons, that he often shares pearls of wisdom with me from the leaders of the Bible. He understands that everyone is a little bit the same like that we all have skin, eyes and hair, and that we’re all a little different, in our attitudes, beliefs and actions.

I feel honored to have a child that has had challenges in life out of the gates. He changed my attitude of entitlement to one of hard work and commitment and devotion. I would never give up the last several years of incredible struggle and learning that we’ve gone through. Now I know what it takes for him to have a good day. It takes muscle work, good food to feed his body, reading to him, being with him and loving him.

Sensory Processing Disorder is a situation that can cause families to be in crisis and have chaos. When the kids are whiney and uncomfortable and mom and dad aren’t sleeping, the whole family life is turned upside down. There is hope though, and I hope one day I’ll be able to say that all of my discoveries are things that worked over the long haul, but for right now, they seem to, and I’m going to continue to integrate our OT, healthy eating and nurturing of my son into our daily routine.

After all, I’ve never met another person who I thought was more worth it… than my son.

Miracle Cold Cure

I am so sick of seeing so called experts in the media say that overdosing on Vitamin C doesn’t work!! I’m living proof, and so is my husband who have been doing this to battle every sniffle or upper respiratory thing that comes along.

I love the ones at Whole Foods, the chewable wafers that taste like candy. They have Passion Fruit, Peach or they have a Blueberry, Blackberry one that is just as good. I take them all through out the day. Each wafer is 500 mg and the cold or the sniffle or whatever it is, is gone within hours.

Last year I had cold after cold after cold. This year, I’ve fought them all this way and haven’t had one cold.

I just had to say this, in the midst of cold season.. get these yummy vitamin C’s and you’ll be enjoying the winter instead of suffering from it!!

Happy New Year 2008!

Did you make your goals? Have you thought about what you hope will happen this year? Have you thought about the lifestyles changes you hope to make and the new people you’d like to meet? Have you thought about the financial goals you’d like to have and the different hobbies you’d like to explore? Have you proclaimed that this year is absolutely going to be your best year yet?

I’m actually not making new years resolutions this year. Statistics show that less than 10% of people keep their resolutions anyway, so I’m just going to continue on the path that I’m already on.

My biggest challenge and opportunity in our lives is our health. We’ve been studying and learning about nutrition and reading about the lack of vitamins in our diet. We’re adding Omega 3,6, 9, Flaxseed Oil, and removing dairy as much as possible. I’m now drinking Almond Milk, and my son is drinking goat milk. My husband isn’t drinking any. We’ve switched to goats butter and cheese or sheep or lambs cheese for the most part. I feel fortunate that my son actually LIKES goats milk

We’ve noticed that by eliminating sugar, our mood is better, so we’re all conscious of this. Alcohol has lost its appeal now because it makes me tired, and so I’ve replaced my glass of wine with sparkling water in wine glasses. I still feel like I’m getting a treat but it’s not making me fall asleep before the end of the night.

This change has been going on for the past few months. It’s a slow process.. VERY slow process. I can imagine why setting goals and then failing is the norm. It’s difficult to change a habit, especially if you don’t have support, education, the tools, the new products or food, or whatever you need to accomplish it. It takes time to know how to THINK like this new person, and learning how to think properly takes learning, which takes reading or talking with others, which takes time. And time is the thing that we’re all short on.

My husband gave each other books on Health, nutrition, and aging gracefully for Christmas, and we’re both enjoying trading information back and forth. I’m even enjoying shopping for some friends in NYC who want the health but don’t have the time to research it. So, I’m putting together a care package for them. I don’t know a lot yet, but over the past few months it is comforting to know that I have learned a few important health tips, and that we have integrated them into our lives.

Keeping my attitude positive and having a grateful heart is another thing I’m attempting. I know that I need structure and systems around this as well. I have had the conversation with my son that we can FLIP our attitude at will. When it starts to go south, that we can chose at that minute to FLIP IT, and start looking at the things in my life that ARE going well. It becomes a habit to do this, but I do know another thing: if I’m chemically doped up on sugar, then there is NO CONTROLLING it. The chemicals in my body have control then, and this is the MAIN reason why we’ve dropped sugar out of our diet. I was tired of losing my temper, feeling lousy, lazy, angry or depressed. And since I’ve dropped the sugar, I’ve felt SO much better. These last few days that I let it slide, I could definitely feel that I became sluggish. I didn’t have stress, so there was no anger. So I’m guessing that stress + sugar = uncontrollable emotions. I’ve shared all of this with my son, and when I have done the “anger” thing, he has called me on it: “Mommy, you must have had sugar!” Out of the mouths of babes!!!

Besides monitoring my diet, In order to keep me moving forward positively, I need support!!! So, last night, I spent a few hours searching the internet for fun quotes that I thought would make an impact on me, and so I’m offering that to you, as a free service from me. All you have to do is go on my site and sign up. The authors of the quotes are Oprah, Dr. Phil, Joel Osteen, Groucho Marx, Lauren Bacall among other famous people I like. Some are just interesting or challenging quotes. I hope you like them as much as I do.

I’ve learned one thing in the past few years by setting huge goals and then not reaching them. Life definitely has a way of kicking you in the face sometimes, and that it takes so much strength to fight back. It takes support from others to have strength to have faith that you’ll get back on track, it takes a lot of humility that doesn’t come without struggles, and it sometimes takes getting on your knees and begging for help. Slowly, slowly, and mysteriously, somehow, things come around, and you start to heal and start to learn something new and start to improve your situation.

This year, I do resolve to let people know how much I care for them and appreciate them. I pray that I can be a source of hope and faith for others, and perhaps add in some joy. This will be my goal this year.

I wish for you the very best this year. I don’t wish for you that it will all be easy, because then you won’t become the powerhouse that you were meant to be, but I do hope you have moments of pure joy, down times with friends, and interesting and enlightening conversations. I also wish for you the gift of laughter, and the ability to share that with others.

May we all learn to live with a grateful and forgiving heart. May you continue to look inside to see what you can offer others, and how you can positively impact those in your life. May God bless everyone!

It All Comes Down to Love

My excuse was the holidays. With all of the hustle bustle , I just didn’t notice. Throwing cookie parties, shopping, going to the post office, waiting for news about my sister in laws baby delivery, buying birthday gifts + tons of Christmas gifts, finding clothes for mass, seeing friends, etc.. I just didn’t notice.

“She’s just getting old”, I thought.. “it’s typical for her age.”

Whatever my excuse, I finally realized, my dog Mallory wasn’t quite right. I’ve probably known intuitively for a long time. Her breath remained bad even though she’s on a good diet, and her hind legs began to shake a few months ago. She did appear to be losing weight and her food stayed there often but she always had a ton of energy when we came home and when it was time for her daily walk.

But I should have known. She’s got a liver disease. It’s the same one her mom, brother and sister died from within the past few years. When I got her weighed at the vet, I was surprised to find out she'd lost over 10 lbs. Her long hair hid it for so long.

When I finally got the test results back, the vet told me to come right in and we’d start the IV. I dropped everything, got dressed and came in. I couldn’t even cry because she hates stress and can’t stand anyone yelling or crying. I promised I’d remain strong for her.

Friends responded quickly to my urgent plea for prayers and asking support for Mallory. We spent two days between my husband and me, at the Vet while she got the IV. She came home with us at night with it, because I didn’t think she’d make it without us. She gets terribly depressed when we’re not around.

I brought my books, my blackberry and my journal and Sway had his computer when it was his turn. But, Mallory liked it best when I sang to her and hugged her and pet her. I sang her a song I made up, “Jesus loves the little doggies”. I think she particularly liked that one. I had to continue to reassure her when she tried to pull out the IV with her teeth.

The technicians and the staff said we were troopers for camping out. But I have no idea what other people would do? Would they leave their dog there? A hospital is a lonely place. I know, I’ve stayed in one for a month when I had my baby. (Truth be known, I got a ton of work done, watched a lot of great movies and enjoyed my time there with the exception of all of the tubes and such!)

But being with Mallory, sitting, laying on a bean bag trying to get comfortable with my pinched nerve in my back, there wasn’t anywhere else that we’d rather be. Love is love. It doesn’t matter if its your dog or a baby or a friend. If you love someone, you’ll do what you can to help them feel better and survive whatever they’re doing through.

Mallory will be on her 3rd day of an IV today at home. We'll take turns. The vet is a personal friend so she'll probably come over and deliver more fluids for us. My mom came over at 5am this morning to help us change the bad but for some reason it wouldn't work.

We'll do what we can do for Mallory to make her comfortable and to give her the best chance at a good life. If it becomes unbearable for her, I'd rather have her out of her misery. I can't stand to see her suffer. I want her to have a good quality of life and not one where she's in pain. I only want the best for her because I love her.

It all comes down to love.

Mary's comment:
Sadly, Mallory died about a week after this post. Sway and I worked hard to keep her alive. We consulted with a homeopathic doctor, and our vet. We administered IV's to her for 5 days 24/7. We sat with her at the vet and at home and when she stopped eating, we syringed fed her for about a week both day and night. We were mentally and physically exhausted. When we realized that nothing was going to cure her, we decided to have her put to sleep. We did it because she no longer wanted to be around anyone and she no longer wanted to eat.

We cried and criedd and didn't tell our son for a full day so we could be more controlled. When we told him he said that his "heart was cracking." I think we all felt like that.

We will always fondly remember Mallory - "Clew Bay Key West Wind" Our darling wonderful pet and friend.

Fun Christmas Activity

Do you remember how it was when we were all growing up in our neighborhoods? Remember running to each others house, or being outside and playing one of the many games like kick ball, mother may I, Red light, Green light, or pickle, with the tons of kids who lived in the neighborhood? Remember staying outside until the street lights came on and then coming in for dinner and then going right back out after dinner was over?

Times have changed of course. People say that kids are all inside watching TV and on the computers but what they forget is that the moms are having to work and can’t sit outside to make sure their kids aren’t being kidnapped or molested. We are living in a different day and time, but that doesn’t prohibit us from dreaming that our kids will somehow get to experience the fun times that we experienced when we were kids.

Well, yesterday, they did get to experience it. And what a ball it was!

I happened to make about 6 batches of sugar cookies and had a lot of cookie decorating sprinkles left over from last years TV tour. So, I called some of the parents and invited them over yesterday afternoon and spontaneously asked some of the other kids walking by if they could come over for a little cookie decorating party. By 5PM we had about 10 kids and 3 other adults. One of my gal friends brought some snacks while I provided the beer, and everyone had a great time decorating the cookies. The mounds of icing that was piled up on the cookies was a bit gross, but the kids never tired of eating the cookies, the icing and then running throughout the house and front and back yard, chasing each other and having a great time.

It was fun for all of us parents to see our kids have so much fun together. The kids were enjoying being kids and getting to have a party of their own. I kept the cookies churning out and the adults with drinks, and had lots of help from my friends who monitored the cookie decorating. We took lots of pictures and had Christmas music in the background. A perfect afternoon!

Some times, we just have to recreate what we remembered what was so fun for all of us as kids. It’s like that story of living in the dash. When a person dies, they have the years they lived from their birth date until the date that they die. In between those two dates is a dash. And it’s that dash that is the most important… how they lived every day.

Yesterday was a dream come true for me. I was able to create a day of carefree fun for my child and all of his neighborhood friends. It wasn’t packed full of activities that they had to do, nor were we running from place to place trying to fill our schedule. We had a simple day at home, with a bunch of cookies, some sprinkles and lots of kids.

I always wanted to be the fun mom when I grew up.. the one who had everyone over and had the fun house. And yesterday I was that mom. It was a perfect day of laughter and friendship and creativity. And I know we need more days just like that one.

My mind is now spinning with the possibilities with art projects, craft projects, cooking afternoons, or even having a neighborhood play. I have dozens of Halloween costumes, and I can just see it now… with all of the kids dressing up!!

The fun times.. we just have to let them happen sometimes. Give the kids some tools and let them get involved with it. These are the memories that they’ll bring into the future, and try to recreate for their children one day. And the most interesting thing, is that these memories the kids are getting, gives such satisfaction to the parents.

Time to create more memories… the bus is almost here!

The Walk

Sway and I have started a ritual that we’ve done before and now is a valued part of our day and our life. We take a morning walk.

I have to admit, this is the time of year that we’re so eternally grateful to be living in Central Florida. It’s about 65 degrees in the morning and just blue, blue skies. We take the dog and we walk about the 2 small lakes that are near our house and we run into neighbors and say hello to other couples who are taking their morning walk.

When we lived in Princeton, NJ, we’d walk along Lake Carnegie and we’d both take the time to coach one another. One would talk on the way up the lake and the other would listen and then we’d switch and let the other talk while the other coached and listened. It was so great to just process the day before and to plan the day ahead. For many years then, we walked in Central Park in NYC and now, we walk the beautiful neighborhoods in Winter Park, where we now live.

I find that in today’s world, which is so crazy busy all of the time, that it’s hard to take the time to connect with my husband. When we’re home, I’m usually doing laundry, or cleaning something or making dinner or putting Jeremy in the tub or to bed. Sway is usually doing something on the “honey do” list or at his computer, returning emails that are urgent from one of his companies. Every morning, one of us is up and at the YMCA at 5:30 to meet our work out partners, and Sunday, is really the only day we get to sleep in. We’re both working hard to maintain a balanced lifestyle, and that means that we HAD to find time to connect with one another.

The walks have now become something we both look forward to. On days that he has an early morning meeting or has to interview someone, he can’t go on the walk, but our dog Mallory is forever faithful and will start barking at me to take her. If I have an early morning client, then Mallory usually gives up and heads to the back to hang out on her favorite chair. But nothing takes the place of a walk for her. That is “it” for her.

Today we said hi to a gal who I’ve met a few times on my walks and we talked about the differences of the prep schools versus the Catholic school versus the public schools here in Winter Park. It was a great perspective that we hadn’t heard before. So, I’m guessing that on our next walk, we might discuss that as an option for our child one day. Today we discussed what to do over the holiday and who we need to buy gifts for. It is usually simple conversation, but so very important to our lives.

For those of us who work, and get those 2 minute conversations with our mate throughout the day, taking time to walk is a great addition to the day. Not only are we getting a bit more exercise than normal, but we’re connecting as friends. I’ve found that that is so important during our busy lives, which are filled with stressful moments.

Try the walk. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Family Matters

We just arrived home from a delightful absolutely perfect Thanksgiving holiday weekend. It’s been a busy month with lots of travel for work but this was all play and no work. We spent the time with my brother and his family in Easton Maryland.

It was beautiful. The first few days were warm weather and then the cold hit in the middle of the day on Thanksgiving. My family and my brothers family traveled an hour and a half to Ocean City Maryland to spend the day with my sister in law’s brother and his family. Their home is like a bed and breakfast on the water and with about 10 kids under the age of 8 running around, the day was full of activity. We had dozens of dishes to choose from along with all of the traditional holiday fare.

Just being with my brother and his family was such a great time. Each of us must have had about 5 super long, ridiculous belly laughs a day. We laughed at the stupid inside jokes that were from years past and silly things we did and said to each other that no one else in the world would get. We talked about serious things such as raising children and how to keep a marriage alive and well. We shared our opinions and our beliefs, and we tried to find solutions to any of the problems that we were facing. We shared business ideas and successes along with our failures.

We watched the kids enjoy hours upon hours of playtime together and we pulled them apart when they had melt downs. We got to go see the cousins at swim practice and run in a 5K the day after Thanksgiving. We went shopping for Black Friday at 5am at Walmart, and we fell asleep while watching silly movies in front of the TV and the warm fire. We opened presents and saw the joy that the little ones felt at their new gifts. The older kids, the teens, contained their enthusiasm, but were equally thrilled with receiving early Christmas gifts. I made sure the whole family was outfitted in Auburn University wear, and that their two teens, who are swimmers, now own Auburn Swimming wear.

Over the week, We cooked together, we laughed together, and we shared. It was a week of lots of down time, and lots of issues were discussed and solved. Together in each of our own way, we touched each others lives, hopefully for the better.

Each time we spend time with our relatives, memories are created. They’ll last a lifetime, and the discussions and decisions that are made as a result, will have life time implications.

I’m so grateful that we have a place to go where drama is nil, and the fun is a priority. It’s a blast to not have to put on airs and to talk about what really matters most in life. It’s comforting to know that if there are problems and concerns that there is a place to really talk to figure it out.

It’s important to nurture relationships like these. It’s expensive to make the effort but costly not to. These relationships make life solid and grounded. It’s family that have known you for your whole life and who know the good and the bad parts of you, and who accept you anyway. Even when there is friction, there is comfort to know that it can be gotten through without any long term damage.

Family matters; especially in this very busy life that we all lead. It’ nice to slow down and to just “be” and to be accepted and to accept others just as they are.

I’m so glad we made the investment because truly, Family does matter!

Nurture Your Soul.. and Go Outside!

Yesterday, I was one with nature! And what a feeling it was.

A few weeks ago some good friends, Bruce and Ellen Fagan asked us to join them for a picnic and some horseback riding in Geneva Florida scheduled for Sat. Oct. 27. They invited another super fun couple and their kids as well, Chad and Christy Crawford. We all planned on meeting up around 1 and having a day in the sun.

Unfortunately for us, the sunny Florida day was more like a typical day in Seattle. It was rainy and cloudy and a bit chilly. Still, we got a bit of riding in after our delicious lunch of Sloppy Joes and fruit salad. Everyone got a turn in the ring with the owner Renee teaching and coaching.

The kids were walked around in a small corral and most everyone got on one docile white horse that didn't t have a lot of "kick". She was tame and sweet and it took everything for the adults to get her to get up to a trot. She was perfect for a first time rider.

(Of course, when I arrived, I had on my “Coyote Ugly” tank shirt, jeans and my cutest cowboy boots. I walked and talked like I was some sort of western wrangler and told Renee, the owner that I had ridden a lot in my life but I still needed some direction. Okay, I have to say, that I FEEL like I’m a cowgirl inside.. I KNOW I love and relate to animals and they mostly love me, and I know that I ADORE being in the wild outdoors more than anything besides being in NYC. But the REALITY is.. is that I’ve been stuck in the “BURBS” for the past 7 years and haven’t explored much of the outdoors besides my own back yard, and a few parks here and there. And, those cute cowboy boots? Well, they’re about 15 years old and look like they’re brand new. So, while I know who I am on the inside, the reality hasn’t fit that picture for many years. But, after yesterday, I’m bound and determined to get back to my true, authentic self, and get back to riding and being comfortable on a feisty horse.)

So, Renee, seeing my ol’ comfortable horsy looking self, she saddled up JACK, a beautiful chestnut horse, with the most beautiful brown eyes. I told Jack that I was just getting comfortable again and to be easy on me, but he decided to test me anyway. I did a few boring circles around the small corral and then took it out to the larger ring. That’s where we did a little trotting, some cantering..and wwwwwhhhhhhhooooooaaa…. Oh my gosh.. some very intense galloping for about 5.2 seconds before I told ol’ Jack to HOE.

Which he did. Whew. I survived that little intense gallop that Jack threw at me to test my will to stay on him while he exploded in a fast gallop underneath me.

Okay, so I was a tad bit nervous, but I also felt the saddle under my legs, and the rain pouring on my wet jeans and water rolling down my face and bare arms and I felt FREE, FREE, FREE. It was the most incredible knowing that I just have to be out with the animals. I love rubbing them down and talking with them and telling them how beautiful they are. I love looking in their eyes and seeing them talk back to me through their eyes and how they respond to me.

Then, I loved seeing my son play in the dirt with the other kids, and climb the fence to pet the horses. He loves the animals too and feels 100% comfortable in their presence. I know that I have to get him out there more, and let him roam around and feel the breeze and the dirt and what it feels like to be one with a horse when you’re riding and you move together as you roam the countryside. Ahhhh.. it’s a beautiful experience.

No wonder I always loved cowboy movies! They’re doing what I want to do!

After we all brought the horses in because of the rain, I set myself up on an old tractor acting like I owned the place. I kicked back and relaxed and looked around the barn and thought, I am at home. I love it here. This is apart of who I am, and a part of me that I want to see more of. I want to nurture that ol’ wild girl in me… the one who wants to go on trail rides and explore the earth up close. This is a part of old Florida, and not one this suburban mommy gets to explore often. It was just incredible and I expect to be there more especially since Renee has tempted me with the thought of some off country trial rides!

Renee’s place is Court Ranch in Geneva Florida, next to Sanford. It’s straight up 17-92, and then East on 46 until Cochran road. Then it’s 1 ½ miles of paved road and 1 ½ miles of a dirt road until you arrive. She boards horses and she has room for 21 horses. She’s got 10 of her own and will board more horses now that she’s sold some. She’ll take couples on romantic trail rides and entertain kids in smaller birthday parties. Her favorite is to host adults who want to get back to nature a bit and just want to be around horses. Ranches like hers always need ranch hands, so helping out is also a fun way to be around the horses.

Boarding a horse is about $500 a month and Renee says that the horses “get fed before she does”. She’s been known to stay up all night taking care of a sick horse, and she treats them just like family. Her stables are beautiful and there are incredible trails available to go out and explore. Renee, who is Kansas born and bred, is a lot of fun and was incredibly patient with each of us, even me.. as we got reacquainted with the horses. She showed me how to take off the bridle and put on the one for the stall. She was great to hang with, and I believe, is sitting on a gold mine. I’d love to share this experience with my friends.

For more information about her ranch and boarding a horse or weekend daily riding fees with Renee, contact her at (407)468-2783 or email her at reneecourt@yahoo.com. She’s 560 S. Cochran Road, Geneva, FL, or “God’s country” as I call it.

Do One Thing Right

Yesterday I was driving in the car with my 7 year old son. These are the times when we have some of the most interesting conversations. He comes up with such richness that sometimes I am just blown away. Are all kids this smart? Where does he get this stuff? Are kids naturally wired to have wisdom and the world somehow takes it away as they grow older?

Yesterday I was talking with Jeremy and we got onto the topic of success. We discussed how he was “naturally gifted” at several things. I shared with him what I knew about him. I do it to naturally reinforce his strengths, and to show him areas where he needs work. I told him that he is naturally a good builder and a good designer. He’s good with coloring and with drawing and creating things. He’s a great communicator and has a lot of friends, both boys and girls. He’s a really good athlete and can do every sport well such as golf, soccer, swimming, basketball, skateboarding and probably every other sport he’ll try. I told him that he’s really smart in math, and a really good writer and he’s becoming a good reader. He’s a really great cleaner and makes his bed better than I could ever dream of doing. Things like that.

Then I said that he needed work on a few areas. Like when it’s time to finish something, he needs to get better at putting it away immediately and coming back to it later. He needs to work on obeying his mom and dad better when we ask him to do something. And he needs to work on healthy eating again like he used to do.

Then I said that he’s really fortunate that he’s naturally good at things, but what is really important is that when he’s NOT good at something, that he needs to work to try to do better. That might be frustrating and he might want to give up, but that the harder he works, the better he’ll get at it. I told him that being smart is good, but that it doesn’t mean ANYTHING if he’s not able to work hard on things.

And what Jeremy said surprised me. He said.. right mom. It’s important that you work hard, and only on one thing. Because if you work on this and this and this and this and this, than nothing is going to be very good. But if you work on one thing and keep working on it, you’ll make that one thing good and then you can go on to the next thing that you want to work on.

BINGO. He got a huge high five from me.. and although I know that I need to focus on one thing, it’s increasingly hard in these days where there are so many distractions. But out of the mouths of babes!!! He is absolutely right. Pick out a priority and keep working at it until it’s done.

Back to my ONE THING. But this was so special, I had to post it. Hope it is a good reminder to you today as well.

Finding your Purpose will Light you Up

This week I had a coaching client who called me about helping him get direction in his career, and to figure out a strategy to market his business. He just sent his son off to college and was now redirecting his energies from the constant role of father to the role of entrepreneur. This individual has great opportunities as a high level professional, however, every single time he talked about it, it was if the light in his face went out.

In my program, the Intensive Executive Workout, I spend several hours with my client hearing about their career and their vast experience. We identify their strengths and their weaknesses through assessment tests before hand, and set a goal of what we’d like to accomplish. When we talk, I ask questions that open up a lot of discussion around topics that really seem to light up the client. In this particular case, the client had spent many years traveling in a network marketing company as an executive. He was able to deliver speeches all over about the company and loved the aspect of sharing the message of the company.

Constantly, he’d come back to stories about his son or about things he learned about being a father. Throughout the day, we bounced around from professional marketing plans, to public relations to his experience. It was so evident by the end of the day, that the best way for him to increase his business was through speaking. I helped him identify some of his values that were consistent throughout his life of teaching, inspiring, learning, motivating and transformation. We then applied these values to different groups that he could inspire from kids to church to professional. The last idea that I had that came at the very end of the day, was that he’d be a great leader to other fathers, to teach them about how to be a dad.

At that moment, this man’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. He grinned so big and said, “I’m just a dad who loves his son.” His words were so sincere and so beautiful and I could just see him at that moment on stage ready to deliver a message to thousands of people and how they’d love him for his humbleness and his pure and authentic heart. At that moment, I got tears in my eyes and knew, that we were on to something special.

Since our coaching, my client has said that he hasn’t had this much hope in his career for the past many years. He’s excited about the opportunities for what lies ahead. I’m so thrilled that together, we partnered to find a new purpose for his life, and one that lights him up.

What about you, does your purpose get you out of bed early in the morning and ever keep your head buzzing? Do you know that you’d do this even if you couldn’t make money at it, that you know that you have a special gift to share with the world?

My client admitted he could go get a job making great money, but inside he’d be dead. He knew that he was here to do something different but just didn’t know what it was. He’s now on his way. Are you?

Taking a Leap of Faith into Entrepreneurship!

Anyone who has watched the hit show The Big Idea by Donnie Deutch, has to have stayed up wondering, “What is my big idea? What am I going to do to really make an impact on the world to make it a better place and to help my family in the process?” It’s an exciting show that is full of practical advice from people who have reached success as an entrepreneur.

Today I met entrepreneur who kind of stood out from the usual looking lawn maintenance man. His truck was clean, new and white, and his equipment in the back looked like it was all carefully taken care of and well maintenanced. His clothes were that of a high end athlete and from looking at him, the guy had a confidence in him that shined from the inside.

After calling over this man who was busy trimming hedges to ask for his business card, we struck up a conversation. The man, Chad Bell, is living his dream. He’s a former successful college track coach who spent 20 years coaching all over the country at major universities. Then, after he decided to get out of that, he moved to Boise Idaho and became a stock broker working for Morgan Stanley. He did so well as a novice, they moved him out of the pit that they put all of the new hires in to see if they can make it dialing 100 potential customers a day, that he was given a corner office with a great view. He overlooked the Greenway, which is a place where people are running and riding bikes and enjoying the beautiful weather. That alone was getting him thinking about how he could transition out of an office environment to the outdoors and then one day, something dramatic happened that changed his life! He saw a guy mowing a lawn for his job and he had the biggest smile on his face. Chad stared at that guy and all of a sudden something clicked inside of him. He went home that night and told his wife that he knew he had to change, and that he had been enjoying working in his own yard so much, that now he wanted to do it for other people.

After speaking with him for just a few minutes, it was clear that he had made the right decision. The yard in front of me was beautiful, and this guy who took care of it seemed genuinely happy. I shared with him that I’m also following my dream and my passion of hosting a TV show and he encouraged me as well.

It’s such a pleasure meeting someone who has found his own definition of success. It’s clear that he has made good money, but he hasn’t made that his internal focus. He knew that for him, he loved being outdoors, and he loves helping people make their yards look great.

Ask any older person how quickly life passes you by. There are songs written about it and commercials that say that ‘life comes at you fast’. We should all know that by now. But the question is, are we making the most of our lives? Are we suffering in silence and putting up with things in our lives that aren’t good for us? Are we living in a relationship or a job that isn’t holding us to the highest standards? Or are we living the life that we were meant to live, and living our bliss every day?

I’m voting for living my bliss. I may not be there every day, but I’m working hard to do that. I want healthy relationships that are fun and encouraging, and I want to work with clients who challenge me and that I like.

Life is too short not to enjoy it. Go ahead. Take the leap of faith…whatever that is.. to follow your bliss. And remember: “sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and build your wings on the way down.” (Kobi Yahama)

Try Something New

Traveling to different cities is an opportunity to see how others live their daily lives. Anywhere you go people are busily conducting their daily activities that make up the bulk of their lives. They hustle to work, pick up kids from day care, rush to dance or karate class and then pick up groceries at the store and head home to put dinner on the table. After dinner and baths and homework, the TV is a common companion and a welcome relief to those who have been working all day. That is when it’s time to kick back and not have to think, and just enjoy the process of being entertained.

This week while in NYC visiting one of my regular clients, I was invited to travel to Brooklyn to meet a new associate. She had a few hours and traveling into the city wasn’t likely to happen for her. I had more time on my hands that day so I offered to take the train ride to Brooklyn and visit her.

I had been to Brooklyn once before when my husband took me there to visit his childhood home. But it wasn’t the Brooklyn that I visited this week or had heard about for years before. He showed me parks and beautiful row homes and his elementary school. No, this Brooklyn was a whole new experience from the second I arrived!

The train took about an hour to reach the end of the B line, and then I departed at Brighten Beach. It was the home of the movie Brighten Beach and the home of Coney Island. When I departed from the B train, and walked down the stairs I was greeted by tons of new sights and sounds. It was different from Manhattan, although there were clearly similarities because it also had a variety of stores lining the streets. But right over head, is the train that rumbles through the whole city every few minutes. The sound is deafening and you either have to yell or stop talking when the train is overhead.

Both sides of the streets were lined with dozens of stores that had everything you could imagine in them. Jewelry, purses, clothes, toys and electronics! There were street vendors with home made Danishes and Russian delectable’s. Upon entering the store, the first thing you notice is that the prices were shockingly cheap. The selections were 100x more than what you’d find at stores in the suburbs. The first store I went in was a combination of a department store and a discount store. I noticed every color of female under garments lining the wall. I have never seen such a selection with such a variety of colors! There were about 10 shades of different colored pink, green, purple, blue, tan, cream, orange, aqua, yellow, orange and red bras in every size. The quality wasn’t at all bad but the prices were $3-$5 when most stores might sell the same item for 5x as much! The pajamas were darling and colorful and prices beat any Marshals, TJ Max or Target anywhere in the US. For $6.99 you could purchase the pants and top with different colors, designs and patterns.

Everything everywhere was cheap! The water bottles were less than a buck and the street vendors were selling their items all for about $1-$2.

I arrived a few minutes before my friend so I had a few minutes to browse around and then went to the assigned corner to wait for her. I informed her that I was wearing a red top and black pants. I realized that I stuck out like a sore thumb. Not many people wear that bright of colors in NY which I forgot when I was packing my bag early on the morning that I left town. As I stood there, a myriad of people walked by and were conducting their lives as they do every day.

A group of young guys were standing a few feet from me. It was obvious that their favorite past time was hanging and watching the girls walk by. Each time one that caught their attention walked by, the whole group stopped their conversation and followed her with their eyes while she continued down the street. Then, one of the guys started clapping to the beat that was apparently only in his head and started dancing to the beat of his hands. He grooved to his own music for a few minutes while the other guys kept up their exchange with one another. Another group of ladies were consumed with their own conversation and standing in the middle of the sidewalk and even blocking traffic. I had been standing their first but I ended up moving because people had to walk around them and the back pack that hung on one of the gals backs.

While I was standing on the corner, looking up and down the street trying to find my new friend who was coming back from a funeral and wearing all black, some young guys in a car sitting at the light about 8 feet from where I stood blared out using a megaphone: YOU LOOK LOST. I looked at them and started laughing at them and said, “I’m looking for my friend and I don’t know what she looks like. Can you yell for Marianna?” So without missing a beat, all of a sudden, in a booming voice, I hear, “MARIANNA, YOUR FRIEND IS LOOKING FOR YOU, MARIANNA, YOUR FRIEND IS LOOKING FOR YOU.” I laughed and they laughed as they drove away and then I was back with all of the people who were surrounding me, lost in their own conversations and enjoying the beautiful day in Brooklyn.

On the corner was an ice cream truck with the soft ice cream cones which can get dipped in delicious chocolate and toppings for an extra 50 cents. When my friend arrived, we indulged in an ice cream cone and started on our walk towards the boardwalk.

We walked a couple of blocks to the beach and boardwalk, took off our shoes and walked on the sandy beach. We sat down right on the sand and ended up talking and sharing for the next hour or so. The beach was full of people laying in the sun with a few people swimming in the mild surf. There were quite a lot of people with incredible bodies and it was evident that it was a cool place to show off your wears.

Through talking, we discovered that although she was of Russian descent, and I was a pure mixed American, we found so many similarities in our personalities, and life ambitions. We talked and talked and finally got up to go and search for the perfect gift for my son.

We walked around and did some window shopping, I saw items that I’d never seen anywhere. There was a flower store that had hundreds of beautiful dolls in the windows and the one that struck me as the one that was a “fairy” with beautiful shiny wings. I thought about my sister in law who collects fairies and thought that one day, that’d be the perfect gift for her. I found a gift for my son, a Batman car that has something that shoots out of it, and felt it was nearly perfect. We then walked her to the YMCA where she was conducting an acting class for a bunch of teenagers.

Everywhere around me people spoke in Russian. It’s a huge Russian community and I met many people who spoke no English whatsoever. When I asked for a bathroom, I had to speak with several people because no one knew that word. Finally, after pointing downwards, one gal asked, “Restroom?” I don’t know. I found that shocking.. with the thousands of people who walk up and down that block every day, she didn’t know where a ladies room was located. I ended up buying a cheese Danish from her and found a Walgreens with a ladies room and then headed to the train to head back to NYC.

What a fun trip it was! I was there for about 3 hours, but in that time, I was able to take a tiny peek into a whole new world of how these thousands and thousands of people live. It didn’t even seem like the U.S because hardly anyone spoke pure English. The food, the merchandise, and the culture all seemed so entirely different from what I’d experienced before. The women even looked different from American Women. They were fair skinned, with petite faces. They were very feminine and girlish which seemed different to me as well. It clearly had a very strong culture attached to this town, and it was such a joy to experience it and I felt alive with gratitude for the chance to be able to share a part of their lives for the short time that I did.

Sitting on the plane next to me is a lady of Russian descent who shrugged when I said how great Brooklyn was. She said, “naw.. it’s okay.” She said, it’s unique to you because you haven’t lived there for 27 years and I agreed. She’s on the way to Florida to pick up her 10 year old daughter who stayed with the grandmother for the summer. She’s excited with anticipation upon seeing her daughter so both of us held excitement in our attitude when we talked after sitting down. Me about her home town, and her about going to my home state!

What an advantage to be able to experience other cultures right here in the good ol’ U.S of A. I got a little taste of a bustling Russian community and enjoyed it very much. I realize that so often, I just go about in my daily life, visiting the same stores, and traveling the same path to my daily activities day after day. I listen to the same few radio stations, talk with most of the same people, and meet my associates at one of the 3 Starbucks in town. Most of us do the same, and every day that we do that, we’re living our lives. The days stacked together turn into weeks, the weeks into months, the months turn into years, and very rarely do we step out and drive intentionally out of our comfort zone and experience something new.

It was a wake up call to me. There are probably new places to visit within driving distance of my home. Perhaps this weekend, we’ll go somewhere new for the weekend instead of the usual beach we frequent. Perhaps we’ll attempt to do a new activity or try some different foods. Perhaps I’ll turn on some jazz instead of popular easy listening music and go to a different grocery store from my usual shopping stop. I want to live, and to explore the world, to keep my mind fresh with ideas, and open for opportunities of new experiences.

Brooklyn. The home town of my husband, now takes on new meaning. Now I have an experience of Brooklyn and that memory now lives in me.

Are you Being the Best You?

I recently spent some time reading a good friend, Simon T. Bailey’s book, “Releasing Your Brilliance” (www.simontbailey.com) last night and it got me thinking along that path. Although I am a coach and work with individuals daily to find their inner wisdom, and to always build on their strengths, I often fail at reaching my own inner brilliance.

A visit to my mentor coach, Dwight Bain, (www.dwightbain.com) usually cures that. Dwight is working with me to focus on my strengths and not what drains me. My coaching session with Dwight made fireworks go off, and he challenged me to write the titles of my next 10 books. I’m happy to say that that exercise is done and I’m thrilled with what has developed.

I learned that we all have a fishing net that helps us capture opportunities or sales for our business. If there are holes in the fishing net, where systems aren’t set up, then you’re missing opportunities. I’ve got a few holes in my net, and part of that is wasting times on projects that aren’t profitable.

What I’ve been learning is that when you play many roles in many peoples lives, there are times that you just have to take a breath, slow down, and regroup. Sometimes, there are going to be moments of question in your mind, moments of doubt and moments where you think, is it all really worth it and is this what I really want anyway? Other times, you’ll think: “why did I just spend all that time doing that and it did absolutely nothing beneficial for me whatsoever”.

Sometimes, the roles we play will take on more importance and we have to walk away or say, “not now” to the other roles we take an active role in during part of our lives. For instance, for the past 2 weeks and this coming week, I’ve been letting the role of mom dominate my time. I’ve been school shopping, and reading to my son, and visiting the library and squeezing in last minute play dates and fun times so he has fond memories of this summer. As a result, I haven’t finished a few projects sitting on my desk, and have had to turn down some work that has come my way during this time. Do I want the money? Who doesn’t? But my “role” this week is to be the best mom I can, so the money coming in doesn’t make me a better mom.

I have other projects that are in the gestation stage and my partners’ excitement is fun but again, I have to evaluate it and ask myself: “does this fit in to my life right now and is it a priority for me”? My coach asked me to use the word: WIIFM – What’s In it For Me? He determined that I am a giver and often times give more than I’ve received. I have to agree that’s been true. As a result, I’ve been able to step away and look at the energy and time that will be given to that project, and what profit will it bring and will it feed my values? If not, then I have to say no, or not now to the project. If it does work in, then I can set up my systems so it benefits my business.

So now, I ask myself the question: “does this fill part of my net? Is this activity furthering my values or a project that I hope to finish?” If not, then I have to put the activity in my social time, or exercise or another value driven activity. If it fits nowhere, I have to ask, is this the right thing for me to do at this time in my life?

What about you? Are you spending time doing things that don’t fill your net? Are you wasting time or allowing it to drain away? Or are you spending time being with the people that fill you and doing activities that will aid you or others close to you in some way?

The challenge is to figure out what you want to accomplish. Is it to be the best mom in the world to your kids? What does that look like to you? If you were that, then what activities would you and your kids be doing? Would they be vegging out in front of the TV or computer, or would they be with you at the pool or exploring or learning a new activity? Do you want to be the top sales performer this quarter? How are you going to get there? Will it be by reading every single email that comes in your box or will it be to spend more time listening to motivational tapes?

This week, I’m being mom. I’m cooking, I’m nurturing, I’m reading, I’m exercising, and I’m shopping. I still have work to do, but I’ll be doing it after hours. Next week, I’ll be working on my products, and finding editors and writing and editing my book. I’ll start to set up meetings with potential business partners and alliances.

Next Saturday, August 18, 2007, I’ll be giving one of my favorite workshops: “Developing Your Inner Charisma” at The Knowledge Shop in Winter Park. (www.theknowledgeship.us) It’s Saturday from 1-4PM. When you see me there, I’ll be The Charisma Coach! I’ll be cheering the participants on, and helping them to see where their special brilliance is located. And I will know that I will be experiencing mine: helping others find what works for them. I will feel that special feeling of loving being a coach, and know, that I was the best mom that I could be all week, and that’s the best feeling to know… that I can do both!

WHAT I WISH I KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL

This was part of a letter that I wrote to a good friend who is entering 10th grade in high school this year. He shared with me that he has a “thing” for a gal and he’s not sure if she feels the same. I remembered all of those feelings of uncertainty and realized that as I aged, I looked back and wished I would have known a few things. That’s when I decided to write him and share some of my “wisdom” with him.


“Believe me.. you'll fall for so many people over the course of the next few years. And it's funny b/c the time goes SO slow when you're your age.. and if you date someone for 2-3 months it seems like an eternity.. but when you look back after you graduate from college or whatever.. when you're 25 years old.. you'll think.. oh my gosh.. where did the time go? You'll be 25 before you know it! And you're not going to change really from who you are now.. you are who you are... I still feel the same as when I was 15.. but I'm SO much wiser now... I wish I knew now what I knew then..

Stuff like: all of the kids are scared and nervous.. just the same as you.. and feel great some days.. horrible others... and to feel good is a choice.. that you have to choose every day to put on a good attitude.

That working hard will NOT kill you.. physically.. it won't kill you.. and mentally.. it wont' kill you.. and it feels GREAT to really, really work hard and do a job well done.

I wish I would have known that if a teacher sees you trying really hard and working hard.. they'll sometimes bump your grade up for the effort you put in.

I wish I would have shared my feelings with more people... and told them they were special to me..

I wish I could have known that you can divert your love feelings and pour your energy into friendships and doing productive things instead of day dreaming all of the time.

I wish I would have known that falling in love can hurt like nothing you’ve experienced before

I wish I would have found an older mentor to talk to about all of the confusing things in life

I wish that I would have studied harder.. not just crammed for tests, and have gone for a masters degree early on...

I wish I would have known that many of those guys I had a crush on.. had a crush on me too but no one had the guts to say anything..

I wish I would have branched out and done more stuff in high school... and held more leadership positions.

I wish I would have never been intimidated by anyone.. and if someone acted ugly to me.. I could just feel sorry for them.

I wish I would have known that if I would have taken the initiative to talk with people and made them feel comfortable, they would have been nice to me.

I wish I could have had the guts to not be embarrassed about my parents.. and that I could have thanked them for all they did for me instead of feeling like they were out to get me or make my life miserable.

I wish I would have gotten along better with my siblings.. instead of trying to get rid of them all of the time.

I’m glad I:
Chose good friends, those who didn’t drink or do drugs

I’m glad I had parents who cared to know who I was with and where I was at all times

I’m glad I hung around people who were creative in our outings – like playing hide and seek in the grave yard, and box sliding down the hills on the opposite side of the highway.

I’m glad I went on church retreats, and shared my heart and explored my relationship with God.

I’m glad I was on the swim team and competed and did well at the state level and won an All American award for the relay.

I'm glad my parents woke me up for 5:30am swim practice and drove me for 2 years straight

I’m glad I took home economics and learned how to cook and sew

I’m glad had the summers off and joined the local swim teams.

I’m glad I got extra tutoring in Algebra and Economics

I’m glad I met kids from other high schools so I wasn’t completely dependent upon socializing with the kids at my high school.

I’m glad I studied hard in my hardest classes and realized that I was pretty smart when I put forth the effort.

I’m glad I had a car my senior year

I’m glad my best friend had a car our Junior year!

I'm glad my best friend's brother had a car our sophomore year!

I’m glad I went away to college and went to a school where they have great school traditions.

I’m glad I’ve mostly had the courage to be myself and that I’ve always had the desire to improve and get better.

I’m glad I’ve always valued the most important thing in the world which are the relationships in your life.

Anyway.. always feel free to bounce things off of me.. I've been there.. I remember… and I’m always glad to help!”